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| Author: | tipaj [ Mon Feb 15, 2010 4:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | girlfriend or no girlfriend |
I'm going to try and keep as short as I can.. I'm in a very weird situation lately. It's been about 3 weeks I'm dating this girl. I got too attached to her too fast, but that's only part of the problem. The girl seems to be either playing serious games on me, testing my patience and how far she can go, or she's just dumb and doesn't care. Now every time I'm trying to set up a date, something comes up with her and we have to negotiate the time or change it on other day. She seems to be very unreceptive when she's with her friends. I haven't met them, but it's when I try to talk to her over SMS or phone. I'll give and example: About a week ago I asked her to be free for Valentines day, she said yes. Then midway through the week we've been caught up with exams and didn't see much of each other. She texts me she can't stay with me for Valentines and asks to spend time before. I didn't say anything and wanted to meet up with her to talk face-to-face. So we agreed I'll come to see her in school at certain time. When I did she wasn't there she was with her friends. So I texted her where she was and she texted me back, I said I'll meet here there because it wasn't far from original meet point. When I came there I texted and called her and got nothing she doesn't come out, doesn't reply, doesn't pick up phone. So I left. I called her later and she picked up. So we agreed I come to her place, cuz she is going there right now. I actually was in front of her place in a coffee shop with a friend, so it was convenient. About the time she said she will be back I called her, no pick up, then she turned her phone off. I still got in the building to go see her. I gave her a lecture on how what she was doing is disrespectful. She agreed on some parts and didn't on other. I talked to her, not directly, about my expectations and what she can expect from me, she seemed to get it: she was nodding. However she told me I'm too serious and I need to relax. Later she asked me to come on Valentines day to her city. I said maybe. Well when Valentines day came, I was in her city, because my friends dragged me to an autoshow. So I messaged and called 4 times, you can probably guess what I got.....NOTHING. I'm really thinking this girl is not good for me when she does this to me, however when I see her, I forget everything....You know what I mean. I'm very giving in a relationship, but I also expect a lot, still less then what I give. So far I get nothing, other then she goes in for a kiss sometimes. I'm really confused about the situation, and have no clue what to do. This is third time she's not following her word. Deep inside I want to let this one go....again. But if she won't change, I have to leave, this roller coaster is not for me. Anyways, any advice? How should I handle the situation? Freeze-out? Constructive criticism, please? |
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| Author: | General Lamb [ Mon Feb 15, 2010 7:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Sounds very unpleasent, personally I'd distance myself a bit and start focusing attention towards other people, a sort of passive freeze out/preparing to move on, during which there'll be a window for her to notice your lack of attention and potentially sort her act out. |
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| Author: | TheLastWolf [ Mon Feb 15, 2010 9:06 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Are you in a relationship? If so, just dump her and get it over with, it's not gonna get any better if she doesn't respect you at all in the first couple weeks of the relationship. If you are dating, forget her and move on. |
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| Author: | spinstill [ Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:07 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
think logically not emotionally |
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| Author: | tipaj [ Tue Feb 16, 2010 11:19 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Yes we've been 'officially' dating for More assumptions that I'm making: 1) She doesn't care 2) She doesn't like this much control and likes to keep it very casual 3) She's a nervous little girl (18years) 4) She's playing a game of her own I'm trying a freeze-out for now, it's been 2 days of nothing. We won't meet each other in university, cuz we both got reading week....I hope I can handle it for a week, it hasn't been too bad these 2 days. Also, I was really thinking about dumping her and not wasting my nerves, time and money, but then I realized how easy it is to quit. So I decided to change my tactics: I wanted and still want a serious relationship, so maybe I was a little pushy and she got scared. So I decided to show her much less attention and make her earn it. No more random compliments, she has to earn that too. I have a feeling that once I crack this girl, it will be for good. My biggest problem is how to implement that plan? How to crack her? I'm missing something small, and it's probably what spinstill said: "think logically, not emotionally" Anyways, what do you guys suggest? Should I give her a talk if I see her next time, or should I show it somehow? Just help me out, I want to step it up. |
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| Author: | tipaj [ Mon Feb 22, 2010 1:40 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Just an update: I noticed that I missed the part where I was talking about how long we've dated, It's almost 4 weeks now. So the freeze out is done, however she texted me on Tuesday and I have replied after an hour and it was a dry reply. That was it for texting. Then I started a convo with her on msn, on Thursday. But it also was dry 8 lines. Yesterday I started again, on facebook, this one was more of a real conversation. Anyways, school starts again, and there's a chance we'll meet tomorrow....What do you guys advice? |
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| Author: | El Frank [ Fri Mar 05, 2010 7:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: Just an update:
Have you broken up yet ?I noticed that I missed the part where I was talking about how long we've dated, It's almost 4 weeks now. So the freeze out is done, however she texted me on Tuesday and I have replied after an hour and it was a dry reply. That was it for texting. Then I started a convo with her on msn, on Thursday. But it also was dry 8 lines. Yesterday I started again, on facebook, this one was more of a real conversation. Anyways, school starts again, and there's a chance we'll meet tomorrow....What do you guys advice? See, the thing with women of the late teens and early twenties is that they are at the peek of their sexual power and they see it as something that wil never end. They get VERY complacent with dudes that allow it to happen. She obviously doesn't respect you. and if she doesn't respect you how could she love you ? I know it's easier said than done but you have to let it go : Quitting in THIS case is for the real winners whereas rotting in a "i'm at your disposal" relationship will make it last anothr month before SHE breaks it off by finding better (might be cheating on you, might be telling you plainly that it's over, might be calling you to check up on you then saying you should take some time appart) Don't be fooled. This relationship is over. I mean you can think it's alive as long as it's agonizing but it's not going to last. We are approaching the 5th of march so I assume your exams are over or soon to be. If she has still not made a move to contact you, go out with someone else without even warning her. It's not about revenge : It's about showing your environment (fellow students, friends and enemies) that when you are being played, you ALSO play. And you win. Or you can wait for her to dump you and have the bad after taste of having been used (and your friends will feel it too which will make future conquest a LOT harder) |
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| Author: | dasani [ Sat Mar 06, 2010 1:44 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
My advice - leave her. "I'm really thinking this girl is not good for me when she does this to me, however when I see her, I forget everything..." If you really believe this then save yourself some suffering and let it go. I had an ex who treated me the same way your current one is treating you. Our meetups would always be cancelled last minute and she would constantly flake. I froze my ex out for a week and she came back. However, nothing changed after that which ended up in a fight. After the fight, I realized that I didn't have to put myself through this. You respect her, but she isn't returning the same mannerism to you. There's no balance in the relationship and it seems like you're investing in it more than she is. Once (if you do) you leave this girl, reflect and learn from it. Your knowledge will grow. |
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| Author: | omans02 [ Sat Mar 06, 2010 2:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Hey buddy! El Frank has said all u need to know about what u need to apply about your undecorous girl. I think u really need to be hard on her by stamping good authority else she going to take u for a sucker and u ain't gonna like the after taste of it. When u let women know that u don't condon undecorous behaviour and would move on with or without them, they begin to take u seriously, I suggest u begin to spend your time and energy on women that deserve it. show her that if she is not keen at dating u, u are not keen at dating her too, period. Goodluck. |
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