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Was this the right text reply to keep attraction with ex?
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Author:  Cowboy_09 [ Wed Feb 10, 2010 8:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Was this the right text reply to keep attraction with ex?
So a LTR broke up with me because i couldnt commit. We had a pretty open relationship for about a year but when i eventually said i wanted a relationship, i had hurt her so much that she didn't want it.
So we met up. I took it like a man, said i was really happy for her and made sure i left things on good terms. I then deleted all contact and gave her space.
After 4 weeks, she sent me firstly a text in the morning saying "hope you had a good birthday x"
I then got another text the same day saying
"I miss you. I have been thinking about you. I know its unfair to say this but i thought you should know. I hope you are OK. Maybe speak to you in the future. x"

This was a cool thing. So i thought about it, and decided the best thing to do was to not go into the emotional realm. If i gave her emotion she would be back in the pattern that i wanted to be with her, and be comfortable getting over it. So i left it two days and text

"Sorry , been so busy with work, its been so crazy! Hope your good"

This was hard, but i know from experience its the best thing to do. It should make her want me more, as im not giving her what she is craving.

A week has passed and she hasnt replied. I kind of thing i might have made the text too uncaring, and set up the previous frame, where she couldnt get me into a relationship.

Do you think i text back the right thing?
Should i leave things here and wait for her to contact, or send a text saying i need some time to clear my head etc.

Cheers

CB
Author:  Bimm3r [ Wed Feb 10, 2010 9:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
well apart from being in the wrong section ;)..

I think you seemed very clueless, like, you didnt get her signals of getting in touch again.. i think it would have been fair to just go with it.. just be honest, and just say "miss you too.. " or go like "so what do you miss about me?"

If its true that you have hurted her alot.. she did not deserve a cold answer like that.. If she had dumped you, and you didnt do anything, or she cheated... well your reply was good.. but in this case, im afraid not..

Sometimes its best to go with your feelings, you have also been together for a year man..

Try to catch up with her.. if you really want her back, be careful she aint thinking to herself that its too late for her to try agian..

cheers
Author:  PUA Kenny [ Wed Feb 10, 2010 10:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
I don't want to be Mr. Critical here but bimmer makes it seems like its the end of the world.

If the girl was decent,then go for it. But if she was decent,why break it off in the 1st. place to now want her bacc.

I see this playing out like this[as all such relationship where yall break up and get back]:I see yall getting back together via sex. Then getting tired of each other 4 months down-then breaking up. Same scenario playing out and yall get back together 3 months after...

Just move on if the girl isn't worth it.
Author:  Bimm3r [ Wed Feb 10, 2010 10:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
just gave my critique on his text respond.. which is what he asked for :roll:
Author:  Cowboy_09 [ Wed Feb 10, 2010 10:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
hey Bro. Thanks for that, i think i may have gone too far. Just so you understand, my friend who is a relationship expert, sent me this, and thats where i came up with the text....

(BTW she was a 10 and she ended it with me )

When you evoke logic over emotion during breakup scenarios that the script gets flipped for the dumper. The dumper feels that the breakup is the logical thing to do and when the dumpee agrees with that logic and removes that emotion associated with the breakup, the emotional side affects become the ownership of the dumper.

When logic is exemplified through acceptance by giving the dumper what they want with no-contact, it shocks the dumper and emotion sets in. The roles are reversed and the emotion that is felt by the dumpee is transferred to the dumper.

respond with

"hey, sorry been so busy with work, its been so crazy! hope ur good."


Do you reckon i have misjudged the situation?
Author:  Lodewijkp [ Thu Feb 11, 2010 3:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
i think you should be confident with who you are in waht you've said.
i fully understand why you ask us things like this however

Why do you seek our opinion ? our validation ? because to me, you look like a guy who have a good sense of intelligence. i think you should be 100% confident with what you've said and stick and don't regret it.

im not telling you to be blind to your blindspots im telling you to create your own sense of judgement and your own sense of learning from mistakes. now you seem to come with all these theories and that's cool dude .. keep developing.
Quote:
Do you think i text back the right thing?
Should i leave things here and wait for her to contact, or send a text saying i need some time to clear my head etc.
don't ask us but trust your self to the fullest extend.. i mean 100 % confidence and no 99% or 98%. When you are fully equipped with this you can decide clearly what you want.
asking us is only a act our of incapability to deal with the situation - therefore asking us is only a bandage on the gaping wound because no matter what line you use your deciscions are influenced by people on this forum.
be capable to handle it on your own, this is only some small shit - it won't influence the quality of your life and you won't die or something like that.
Author:  Cowboy_09 [ Fri Feb 12, 2010 1:44 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
i think you should be confident with who you are in waht you've said.
i fully understand why you ask us things like this however

Why do you seek our opinion ? our validation ? because to me, you look like a guy who have a good sense of intelligence. i think you should be 100% confident with what you've said and stick and don't regret it.

im not telling you to be blind to your blindspots im telling you to create your own sense of judgement and your own sense of learning from mistakes. now you seem to come with all these theories and that's cool dude .. keep developing.
Quote:
Do you think i text back the right thing?
Should i leave things here and wait for her to contact, or send a text saying i need some time to clear my head etc.
don't ask us but trust your self to the fullest extend.. i mean 100 % confidence and no 99% or 98%. When you are fully equipped with this you can decide clearly what you want.
asking us is only a act our of incapability to deal with the situation - therefore asking us is only a bandage on the gaping wound because no matter what line you use your deciscions are influenced by people on this forum.
be capable to handle it on your own, this is only some small shit - it won't influence the quality of your life and you won't die or something like that.

Cheers bro. My game is coming on leaps and bounds and i do tend to over analyze certain situations, and this is just a case of oneitis that i need to work out and move on from myself.
Author:  spinstill [ Sat Feb 13, 2010 5:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Was this the right text reply to keep attraction with ex
Quote:
So a LTR broke up with me because i couldnt commit. We had a pretty open relationship for about a year but when i eventually said i wanted a relationship, i had hurt her so much that she didn't want it.
So we met up. I took it like a man, said i was really happy for her and made sure i left things on good terms. I then deleted all contact and gave her space.
After 4 weeks, she sent me firstly a text in the morning saying "hope you had a good birthday x"
I then got another text the same day saying
"I miss you. I have been thinking about you. I know its unfair to say this but i thought you should know. I hope you are OK. Maybe speak to you in the future. x"

This was a cool thing. So i thought about it, and decided the best thing to do was to not go into the emotional realm. If i gave her emotion she would be back in the pattern that i wanted to be with her, and be comfortable getting over it. So i left it two days and text

"Sorry , been so busy with work, its been so crazy! Hope your good"

This was hard, but i know from experience its the best thing to do. It should make her want me more, as im not giving her what she is craving.

A week has passed and she hasnt replied. I kind of thing i might have made the text too uncaring, and set up the previous frame, where she couldnt get me into a relationship.

Do you think i text back the right thing?
Should i leave things here and wait for her to contact, or send a text saying i need some time to clear my head etc.

Cheers

CB
don't worry if it was the right thing just cut ties and move on, shes your ex for a reason
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