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oedipus complex
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Author:  trappinu [ Tue Jan 19, 2010 11:20 pm ]
Post subject:  oedipus complex
I was learning in my english class about how sub-consciously girls are into guys that are similar to their mothers, meaning if there fathers werent very intimate or affectionate with their fathers then they wont like guys who are very affectionate towards them and vice versa..so my girl has a horrible relationship with her father, not that they fight a lot but he just really has no influence in her life whatsoever and isnt really influential in her mother's life as well and suddenly i noticed this all makes sense because my girl is very in-sensitive, not intimate, or affectionate at all with me, which kind of bothers me because I am an affectionate person..so what do you think about all this? should i stop being affectionate towards her because sub-consciously thats what she wants? also what would you do if you are an affectionate intimate person but your girl isnt? would you accept her for it or move onto someone else?
Author:  QWR324QWD [ Wed Jan 20, 2010 6:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
That's not what Oedipus complex means.

Oedipus complex is when you want to kill your dad and marry your mother (or the other way around for girls).
Author:  trappinu [ Wed Jan 20, 2010 6:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
That's not what Oedipus complex means.

Oedipus complex is when you want to kill your dad and marry your mother (or the other way around for girls).
yeah i know hahah, but i thought it was an interesting title that would draw people's attention..do you have anything to say about it?
Author:  General Lamb [ Wed Jan 20, 2010 6:45 pm ]
Post subject: 
move on :)
some people like affection and some don't, if she's lacking in affection so much that it's making you unhappy then why not move on to someone who does like affection as they'll probably be more suited towards you
Author:  Chillburg [ Fri Jan 22, 2010 4:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
move on :)
some people like affection and some don't, if she's lacking in affection so much that it's making you unhappy then why not move on to someone who does like affection as they'll probably be more suited towards you
if only it were that easy, I was in the same situation but I was still so in love with the girl that I just tried to live with it. Took me a long time before I realised I was only hurting myself. So yeah, you're right, he should probably move on, even though it can be really hard.
Author:  General Lamb [ Fri Jan 22, 2010 7:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
yeah i've been there too :( and it is really hard but ultimately it's the best thing to do, it took me ages to realise as well!
Author:  Ciornia [ Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: oedipus complex
Quote:
should i stop being affectionate towards her because sub-consciously thats what she wants? also what would you do if you are an affectionate intimate person but your girl isnt? would you accept her for it or move onto someone else?
I recommend doing whatever feels right to you. Don't over-think any of this. Instead, listen to your gut. I wouldn't stop being affectionate just because she isn't affectionate. If you want to be affectionate, be affectionate.

As for her lack of affection, if you haven't already, you could try to encourage her to be more demonstrative. If there are certain things she already does, but just not very often, tell her you really like when she does them, and see if she increases the frequency. Otherwise, if she's not doing anything affectionate, let her know what sorts of things you like. Be specific. And maybe she'll start showing greater affection.

In general, though, only you can decide when and if it's time to move on. You said that it bothers you that she is insensitive and lacking in intimacy and affection, because you yourself are an affectionate person. Well, that may very well be a major obstacle to an ongoing relationship between you and this girl. But only you can know whether that difference between you is a fatal flaw.
Author:  DeltaFoxtrot [ Mon Jan 25, 2010 4:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
I am hoping to create a thread about my situation

But, my GF was very very affectionate which is something i really liked and wanted. Since we moved in together ( and had a few fights). Her affection level has dropped, it almost seems forced now.

I have been in a bad way, we moved to another state and she is the only person i know. Instead of being closer than ever i feel pushed away
Author:  General Lamb [ Mon Jan 25, 2010 7:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
i think it would be a good idea to get out to places where you'll meet new people where you're now living. as she's the only person there that you know you're probably just depending on her a lil too much at the moment. it's difficult to give someone space if you don't have anything else to do!

were the fights serious?
Author:  DeltaFoxtrot [ Mon Jan 25, 2010 10:14 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
i think it would be a good idea to get out to places where you'll meet new people where you're now living. as she's the only person there that you know you're probably just depending on her a lil too much at the moment. it's difficult to give someone space if you don't have anything else to do!

were the fights serious?
you could be right, she told me to get some friends lol

i was pissed by that because the only reasons i had not been going out were to prepare our apartment. By the time she came home i was ready to just chill cause i had been running all day buying furniture and moving in our stuff.

We ended up breaking up over our disputes on the road trip here. So i thought we should take some more time after the moving in period to try and get our situation on track.

I don't want to hijack a thread, so i wanted to get my 20 post so i could start my own thread about my situation.
Author:  The Lion Cross [ Tue Jan 26, 2010 2:39 am ]
Post subject: 
hmm i've been with my gf two years now and she can be a cold harted bitch some times. almost imoshonless. but it's all bitch sheild, and i know its a bitch shild. although every so offten she lowers it and i see the real her. and it's in that moment we have the indepth "emotanal talk" it sounds cleshay but it's ture. comuanacation is the key. just make sure you don't start winning or sound too needy but if u camly and openly discuse how ur an affechanabel person, but understand she's not. come to the meeting point half way where u can both compromise somthing.
Author:  JustMeSLC [ Tue Jan 26, 2010 3:15 am ]
Post subject: 
You could try to push and pull a bit more. Stop being so affectionate because she might see that as needy. I recently read, “Why men love bitches” and it is the same psychology as why women love ass holes. Basically if you pull back just a bit she might start giving you the affection, especially if she feels the dynamic of the relationship is changing. At this point if she does care for you she will be worried about losing you because shell notice you don’t need her as much. Who knows she might start working harder for what you’ve been giving.
Author:  DeltaFoxtrot [ Tue Jan 26, 2010 5:20 am ]
Post subject: 
She did make a profound statement today. She said that shes been fighting so hard to be selfish that she is overlooking the value of the things i offer.

Shes a girl that is such a hot commodity that she has never had to date at 31 y/o. Shes always been in a long term relationship and finally feels she needs to have time to be selfish

I just so happen to show up at this time.
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