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The most insane thing that has ever happened to me with a GF
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Author:  Cowboy_09 [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 12:23 am ]
Post subject:  The most insane thing that has ever happened to me with a GF
I was going out with a HB10 for about a year and then i broke it off with her.
6 months later i saw her in a club and we ended up going back to mine and having sex. From that point i said to her that i couldnt be in a relationship with her, it wasnt fair.

So we kept on sleeping together on and off for about another year. We would go out here and there and she was pretty deeply in love with me, like stalkerishly. I could literally call her at any time of day and she would be at my place in 15 minutes. All in the hope that at some point i would want a relationship with her...... So here is the wierd thing!!

After all this time i decided that it wasn't fair on her and that i wanted a relationship, so i said we should try it , and if it fails stop having sex and move one.

From this point it got REALLY wierd. She avoided me for about 2 months. She'd make arrangements to see me and blow them off. We would argue about it and eventually, SHE, the girl who would have done anything to get me into a relationship, broke it off with ME!!!

She said she couldn't do it anymore. Its insane that after wanting something all that time, when she had it, she doesnt want it.

I didn't put up any fight as i knew deep down it was for the best, but she is fucking insane mad! She saw pics of me with some other girls, friends of mine and has text me saying im scum, dont text her, she would never ever go anywhere near me again etc. And this time, she means it. She does hate me, in every way!

Now all i want, is for her not to hate me. And it would be really good to meet up, talk things through as friends, go our seperate ways, and not be wary that one day i'm going to walk into a club and be attacked by her.

This was a couple of days ago, and i stopped all correspondence. I deleted her number. We have mainly only spoken through text and msn now for 2 months and its a real shit way to end it.

Has anyone had this kind of thing before? Any ideas why she has gone so insane?
And any ideas how i can best get her to meet up and end the whole thing civilly.

My initial thoughts are that after me saying i wanted a relationship she has thought, "why should he have everything on his terms" and is now seeing that she hasnt had a good ride in the last year or so and knows that she will probably get hurt again and has for the first time, seen the light and been strong enough to end it.
CB
Author:  Wackjacko2001 [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 1:31 am ]
Post subject: 
My thoughts are that this doesnt surprise me all that much. She's an HB10. Your appeal was the fact that you didnt want a relationship and you were a challenge. Every other guy she interacts with does want a relationship. If she is an HB10, likely everyone from NBA stars to celebrities have conveyed some interest.

So your "unattainable-ness" and dismissive attidude was likely the ultimate attraction esp. for an HB10. It conveyed your high value.
So it comes down to the scarcity principle. "People want what they cant have". Once you get what you want, slowly it seems less special and we take it for granted.

I cant say I've had this exact experience. (I wouldnt be turning down a relationship with a girl I viewed as an HB10, unless I was in a relationship already). But I have had a similar experience with an HB8-9 who had a rough history that I couldnt except.
Author:  Cowboy_09 [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 7:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
The thing with this girl is she doesnt have loads of girlfriends, doesnt go out all that much, and although im sure has guys after her, there arent many to go out with.
And she is insane. When i broke up with her before, she started a college course next to my office, and used to turn up in schoolgirl outfits, anything to get my attention.

Most of me wants to draw a line in this and move on but it's the fact that she hates me i cant stand. She is hating me to get over me , and i really want to talk to her , calm her down and leave things on good terms.

I text her earlier but looks like she ignored it. I havent rung or anything. Im considering doing that ,from someone elses phone and talking over what exactly is bothering her.

Should i call, or just draw a line under it. I have other dates this week with girls. I just hate having a girl out there that i have feelings for, hating me. Especially being part of her life for 3 years. Its her way of dealing with it , do i leave her to it, or try and salvage something from the situation?

CB
Author:  Mississauga [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 8:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
Maybe she is hurt that you didn't fight or chase her enough. I'm sure her close friends are in her ears about if a guy doesn't chase or fight for the relationship it means he was just not into you. My cousin had this psycho girl who literally moved and attended the same college as him in Hamilton.

My cousin use to live in Ottawa, he was living and going in Hamilton taking Engineering at Mohawk College. He met her in a party at Toronto over the summer, he use to know her from back home in Ottawa. She was his jumpoff for the summer, he would sleep with her literally everyday of the summer. When she got back home she transferred and moved to Hamilton to attend the same college my cousin was at.

She would show up to his basement rented apartment, uninvited in the mornings and at midnight randomly. She literally stalked his ass, she eventually gave up on him, and married some next guy within months of my cousin telling her to back-off and reporting her to the cops.

I blame my cousin though because he lead her on, he was a nice guy. I know he made her feel like she was his world. He is a true Natural PUA.
Author:  Cowboy_09 [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 10:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Maybe. One part of me wants to phone her, i havent rang her or anything yet.

The other part of knows that she has changed and if she is ignoring me its for a reason that i probably cant change right now.

Phone her or not?

CB
Author:  Mississauga [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 10:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Maybe she is hurt that you didn't fight or chase her enough. I'm sure her close friends are in her ears about if a guy doesn't chase or fight for the relationship it means he was just not into you. My cousin had this psycho girl who literally moved and attended the same college as him in Hamilton.

My cousin use to live in Ottawa, he was living and going in Hamilton taking Engineering at Mohawk College. He met her in a party at Toronto over the summer, he use to know her from back home in Ottawa. She was his jumpoff for the summer, he would sleep with her literally everyday of the summer. When she got back home she transferred and moved to Hamilton to attend the same college my cousin was at.

She would show up to his basement rented apartment, uninvited in the mornings and at midnight randomly. She literally stalked his ass, she eventually gave up on him, and married some next guy within months of my cousin telling her to back-off and reporting her to the cops.

I blame my cousin though because he lead her on, he was a nice guy. I know he made her feel like she was his world. He is a true Natural PUA.
Author:  Cowboy_09 [ Tue Jan 12, 2010 11:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
I really want closure on this, and to speak to the girl and leave things in a good place.
What is dawning on me though is that i did treat her pretty badly, and she has realised this and loves me, but hates me all the same. I was always upfront about not wanting a relationship, and she kept pushing and pushing, and i guess i should have stopped sleeping with her and let her move on.

3 years is a long time though and its hard. Still not sure whether to call her???
Author:  Lodewijkp [ Wed Jan 13, 2010 12:46 am ]
Post subject: 
listen carefully and really really think about what im going to say... i had a similar situation but i've done very bad things to my ex-gf. i've read your posts and i only make possible assumptions on things you have written down here, and i look on how you constructed those posts.


There is no good or bad.. only consequences :what the hell are you talking about ? things are already in a good place - there is no wrong or good, every action has consequences and from those consequenses you learn valuable lessons that will help you in your life.
example : i punched a guy on the street and he ended up in the hospital , IF i didn't punch him and he didn't end up in the hospital something else could happen -a day later he could be run over by a truck... maybe i saved his life by kicking his ass ?

You are important : you should not feel guilty for treating her that way ! you said you didn't want a relationship ! even in a relationship you are the most important person , you have to put yourself on the first place whatever and whenever.

Here's the spiritual real deal about treating people : She doesn't Love herself enough... she's actually was acting worthless to herself - she sticked to a guy who treated her like bagage with sexual properties. you did treat her this way but lets wait and hear me out.... She allowed you to treat her that way , as long she accepted your behaviour you settled along and behaved the same way over and over. We can officially say she didn't love herself enough , after a while she realized she's important and started loving herself more - she realized she allowed you to treat her like shit !

hold both mirrors ! : Don't point fingers... BUT you never or seldom are fully responsible - in a relationship everything will come from 2 sides , in frienship, in family or in a love/sex relationship. You degraded yourself in treating her bad and now you see the mistakes you made.. you feel bad about being disrespectful ! She degraded herself in committing to you but after a while she gained more self respect and broke free ! She just realised she deserves better.... meaning she want to give herself more ..---- > she started respecting herself more.

The lesson you did treat her badly and now you realise that... you are slowly reconstructing yourself trough this relationship, next time you probably won't treat someone else the same way '' you have become a better human because you have made a mistake'' and mistakes are the starting point of improving ourselfs. She has learned a lessons as well .... but it's up to her to really apply them.

polarity of emotions : so you see nothing is good or wrong... Love and hate are almost the same and Hate is also a form of intimacy - love/hate are both attention and ways of investing - ignoring is a way of rejection or hesitation. Love turn to hate and hate turns to love ...
Quote:
i guess i should have stopped sleeping with her and let her move on.
you slept with her out of egocentric reasons... you literally used her to some degree....

She is hurt by some fixed patterns and repetive situations... the base of this relationship wasn't solid and therefore was doomed to die .... you were doomed in treating her bad and she was doomed in allowing you to do so.

What you can do : Is to send her a message.. don't say sorry ( especially now you've read what í had written above) .... just text message that if she needs to talk to someone or if she needs someone when she got troubles you are there, she can call you whenever she needs to.
Quote:
3 years is a long time though and its hard. Still not sure whether to call her???
saying sorry sounds stupid.... now you know why.

Be a responsible guy... be human and improve yourself.

Blaming her ? Why what when ? it isn't important ... :
Quote:
From this point it got REALLY wierd. She avoided me for about 2 months. She'd make arrangements to see me and blow them off. We would argue about it and eventually, SHE, the girl who would have done anything to get me into a relationship, broke it off with ME!!!
Quote:
3 years is a long time though and its hard. Still not sure whether to call her???
are you really trying to find out why she acted like that ? it sounds quitte logical to me ... anyway why the hell are you trying to understand her ? so you can blame her instead of your own screw up ? understanding her is useless .. you better do some self-reflect instead of wasting time - if you wanna say sorry then say sorry go ahead.
'' yeah well i committed into a relationship and she leaves .. it must be her fault''
take it like a man dude and stop the blaming and guilt thing.. you are weighting the first thing against the second.
Blaming and guilt are like love and hate ... polarity... you really really got some issues and i think you aren't telling us the full deal ... i think there is more to it.


what i would do :
the first thing i would do is telling her: '' i understand why you broke up''since you don't understand why she ran, do some self reflection and try to put yourself in her shoes ( without feeling guilty, just be realistic ).

second : tell her you treated her bad because .... you have your own reasons ... but also tell her she allowed that kind of behaviour and she allowed you to treat her that way.

3th : letting her know she can count on you ... she can call you etc i've said this before.

she fucking pissed and i would be to ! now stop searching for answers .. you already got your answers but you aren't trying to see the truth !
Look at the title of your thread ... now look at some of your texts in your thread.
sum up these quotes.

Title
Quote:
The most insane thing that has ever happened to me with a GF
Quote:
6 months later i saw her in a club and we ended up going back to mine and having sex. From that point i said to her that i couldnt be in a relationship with her, it wasnt fair.
Quote:
r all this time i decided that it wasn't fair on her and that i wanted a relationship, so i said we should try it , and if it fails stop having sex and move one.
Quote:
She said she couldn't do it anymore. Its insane that after wanting something all that time, when she had it, she doesnt want it.
Quote:
This was a couple of days ago, and i stopped all correspondence. I deleted her number. We have mainly only spoken through text and msn now for 2 months and its a real shit way to end it.
Quote:
Most of me wants to draw a line in this and move on but it's the fact that she hates me i cant stand
LOL YOUR SERIOUS ??!?!?!
Quote:
I have other dates this week with girls. I just hate having a girl out there that i have feelings for, hating me
Quote:
The other part of knows that she has changed and if she is ignoring me its for a reason that i probably cant change right now.
GOOD THINKING, but stop thinking for her please ! start thinking what you should do !

HERE COMES THE KILLER
Quote:
What is dawning on me though is that i did treat her pretty badly
Quote:
3 years is a long time though and its hard. Still not sure whether to call her???
im not here to insult anyone but at this point i have to say something and give you a reality bitchslap .... stop being fucking ignorant.. really....
hate or guilt isn't the cause of conflicts or bad communication.... ignorance is ! stop being ignorant to yourself .. stop being ignorant to her and look to the truth.

im not here to tell you what to do.. im not here to tell her what to do.. im not here to change you life or way of thinking. im being 100 % honest to you , to her and to the next girl you will have a relationship with And so should you.
o yeah .. we could change the title .. i think she would name it like : ''The most insane thing that has ever happened to me with a BF''

Ego
Quote:
I have other dates this week with girls. I just hate having a girl out there that i have feelings for, hating me
So you got other girls .. but you still can't get over the fact she dumped you she ran...your ego got hurt here, finally after using her for a long time - you commit to a relationship which you didn't want in the first place ( oh.. now we know what she's thinking, credibility is a bitch ). and now you DO not understand her otherwise you wouldn't made this thread, and you probably want her back or or you want some form of attention to take your guilt away.

im sorry to say this but ... you didn't deserve this girl dude and she certainly didn't deserve YOU , you messed her up badly and she allowed it. Now find a solution and get over it...

don't thank me, but learn a lesson out of all this and thank yourself and her.
if you can't thank her you shouldn't even try to put it to a good end.

i hope you both find a good way.. good luck with everything!
Author:  Cowboy_09 [ Wed Jan 13, 2010 2:55 am ]
Post subject: 
You pretty much hit the nail on the head with this post and thanks for taking the time to go through it all.
I guess i do just want validation for my ego, and me wanting a relationship in the first place was not what i really wanted. I knew it wouldn't work long term. It was hard though. I did constantly tell her i didnt want a relationship, but she would use sex and keep on at me ALL the time.

Saying sorry in this situation is pretty meaningless, you are right, as is me trying to convey any form of feelings to her.
She text me asking how i would like to talk and i text her back saying could she meet for a coffee tomorrow.
Even putting a kiss on the text was a mistake as i know every thing i do from this point to try and convey that i do have respect for her, is going to come accross completely fake. I probably should have just spoken over the phone.
See what happens. From this point im just going to make sure i listen to how she feels and dont hurt her.
Author:  Cowboy_09 [ Fri Jan 15, 2010 2:28 am ]
Post subject: 
Ok, so i have learnt a HELL of a lot this week , and i want to thank you all , and share my experience with you.
We met up for coffee, and if i take you through the date honestly, you can hopefully give me some feedback.
Meet for coffee, im expecting her to get back with me by the frame of the texts.
We say hello, i got to grab her drink playfully, she completely shuts down and says "NO" From this point she had me, and i knew she didnt want to get back with me.

We sat down and talked. I said i understood why she was hurt, and that i should have listened to how she felt , instead of being angry because she wouldnt see me. I took responsiblity for my share in the break up and asked her if it was over. She said yes.

Sooo, it was too deep too fast and i wanted more closure. So did the cube lol. The fucking cube!! It was a good ice breaker though, and from that point i went straight to being Alpha. I was energetic, fun, talking to people in the store, an attractive male.
I said that i would need her to hang out with me because she was hot and would attract more women, joked about her being my fag hag etc.
So i said lets get some dinner and we went for some food. Her guard was still fully up and i made a few afc moves. I asked her what she would do if i chased her. She said run a mile. I said i wouldn't be doing that. I continued to talk about other stuff, DHVing myself by my knowledge of the world and good conversation. And reitterating how happy i was that we could move on as friends, and that in many ways i was proud she had the balls to end it. I went through a few things like when i realised i loved her, why i didnt love her before, why it didnt work. And told her that i was genuinely heartbroken but at the same time really happy we can end it as friends.

On the way back past my apartment she hinted that she could sleep with me, but said i couldnt because i would want a relationship. DOH!!!! I went for the bait and said we should do it, she retreated fast and said it wouldnt happen.

As we got in the lift i grabbed her towards me and held her and said she wasnt going until she gave me a kiss ( This was more trying to get sexual than trying to get back with her ) She was laughing but i found out later because she was really nervous. BIG MISTAKE FROM MY PART, hands up i fucked up and took the sex bait. Its bad , but it could be worse, that was the only needy thing i have done in the whole break up. I havent even called her or text her saying i want her back.

She drove off and i was needy, saying i wanted a hug etc. More mistakes from my part. I came home and for some reason have felt amazing ever since. My game has taken on new proportions and i have new women lined up. But part of me knows i'm doing this so that she will be attracted to me again.

( One more thing. I mentioned that i was going to date a lot of women to help me get over it -AFC? and i said that seeing as we are friends, when she finds out im going to Cancun for Spring break, which i am, she cant be jealouse )
Have since learned that Jealousy is needy and a Big no. Was this too much?

I don't know if i want to get back with her seriously, but i want the power shift in all of this to come back to me. I know what i have to do from reading other posts, and it starts with a 30 day freeze out. Before anyone judges on this, i have learnt a lot about relationships. And girls manipulate guys all the time, playing on their emotions by using sex. They can get guys back easily by using sex as a weapon. My game is my weapon and i want to use it. I just wanted to know.....

She text me today saying "good luck with the future, thanks for yesterday"

Because she now has the power and has ended it, i will always lose this situation.
So far i have blanked the text. Should i....

a) Not text her back for 30 days, then say something friendzone.
b) Text her in a few days saying something friend zoney "Hey dawg, hows ur weekend going" This tells her i view her as a friend now.
c) Text her in a few days time saying hello, then the next text says that i'm glad we have moved on etc. So she knows i accept it and am moving on with my life.

Also one more point. How can you make a girl know you have changed back to not being a wuss, and are a desirable confident alpha, when you don't see them? Should i meet up in a months time?

Thats all i need to know really, then i know what i need to do.
Im going to put the text from this forum below, so you can see where I'm taking my advice from.


1. Stop doing the late night drunk dialing and text-message terrorism if you haven't already.

2. Let her know that you're ok with the breakup, and that you agree with her.

3. Identify the reasons for the breakup.

4. Assess the relationship objectively. Is it worth trying to save? (I assume the answer is yes)

5. freeze her out. No/no communication for a minimum of 30 days unless she contacts you.

6. If she does contact you, its advisable to tell her you're busy and that you'll call back sometime.
Don't call her back.

7. Work on self-improvement and inner-game.

8. Go on a couple of dates. We're not talking rebounding, LTR, just get out and meet some
new women. This helps to remind you that you're not negotiating from a position of scarcity and lets
you see what other women are like.


9. After a minimum of 30 days, when you feel like there's been enough time, call her.
Have a brief but friendly conversation.

10. Call her up and invite her for coffee.

11. Remember back to why she fell for you in the first place. Combine this with the reasons for the
breakup and come up with a gameplan to fall in love with each other, essentially starting from scratch.
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