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In Two Minds About Being With Her major help needed
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Author:  the_prize [ Wed Dec 16, 2009 3:41 am ]
Post subject:  In Two Minds About Being With Her major help needed
i have posted a problem with this girl before, we nearly broke up then and i cant decide what to do now.

Problems

1. We have been officially been together about 2 and a half months, and have had time apart once, and fully broken up once about 1 month in (because she started acting weird when we were telling each other we loved each other) she told me she didn know if she felt the same and wanted sum time to think, i broke it off because i was having anxiety issues about it ....so it doesnt seem its the way it should be so early in.

2. She doesnt trust me....in her past shes walked in on 2 of her ex's in bed with another girl, and found out other sutff going through there phones, so she is obsessed with knowing where i am all the time and going through my msges, which is wrong i beleive. i didnt mind at the start then stopped her from doing it, which made her think i was up 2 sumthing...when i would never cheat on her. if i dont reply to her msgs she will ring, but act all normal when clearly its a bit obsessive.

3.she has body image issues, she has a medical decision and there for has to take steroids which make her put on a bit of weight, this is frustrating for her because she use 2 model and be a promo girl, i got with her when she was bigger so i dnt care how she looks altho shes hot, its her...so basically we have had sex once (i think because she was drunk) and play around with each other now and then but nothing else...i understand her issue but become in patient because i feel that its weird not doing sexual stuff when were so into each other,and im not bad looking and think theres sumthing wrong with me if she doesnt want to have sex, i get frustrated and end up bring the issue up which turns into a fight (which we argue 2 much i think for this so soon in)

4. she smokes which i dnt really have a problem with because i like her so much (im against smoking) so i look past it, but she quit and told me she was doing it for me, she started up again last night and hurt because it sorta means she doesnt like me cos thats who she was doing it for. but its jst the addiction.

5. shes doesnt give me time to myself, no matter what she doesnt respect if i want a day alone so she sooks and makes me feel bad so we hang out, then she gets on my nerves and we fight.

6. she seems very full on! has talked about moving in and having kids in the future. which runs through every1's minds, its jst nice to think of wat could happen sorta day dreaming...she put heaps of photo's of her on my phone, bring a photo to put beside my bed which is nice but a bit weird. maybe? she invites me to heaps of family outings. i dont know how to take all this.


i like her alot even love her but shes smothering me and i cant handle it,
ive told her today i need a few days of space but she wont stop msging or calling, she says it would kill her if i left her and she loves me and needs me.

can i please have advice on all these numbers of issues. if sum 1 could run me through all of them id appreciate it alot
Author:  R-m [ Wed Dec 16, 2009 4:18 am ]
Post subject:  Re: In Two Minds About Being With Her major help needed
Quote:
i have posted a problem with this girl before, we nearly broke up then and i cant decide what to do now.

Problems

1. We have been officially been together about 2 and a half months, and have had time apart once, and fully broken up once about 1 month in (because she started acting weird when we were telling each other we loved each other) she told me she didn know if she felt the same and wanted sum time to think, i broke it off because i was having anxiety issues about it ....so it doesnt seem its the way it should be so early in.

2. She doesnt trust me....in her past shes walked in on 2 of her ex's in bed with another girl, and found out other sutff going through there phones, so she is obsessed with knowing where i am all the time and going through my msges, which is wrong i beleive. i didnt mind at the start then stopped her from doing it, which made her think i was up 2 sumthing...when i would never cheat on her. if i dont reply to her msgs she will ring, but act all normal when clearly its a bit obsessive.

3.she has body image issues, she has a medical decision and there for has to take steroids which make her put on a bit of weight, this is frustrating for her because she use 2 model and be a promo girl, i got with her when she was bigger so i dnt care how she looks altho shes hot, its her...so basically we have had sex once (i think because she was drunk) and play around with each other now and then but nothing else...i understand her issue but become in patient because i feel that its weird not doing sexual stuff when were so into each other,and im not bad looking and think theres sumthing wrong with me if she doesnt want to have sex, i get frustrated and end up bring the issue up which turns into a fight (which we argue 2 much i think for this so soon in)

4. she smokes which i dnt really have a problem with because i like her so much (im against smoking) so i look past it, but she quit and told me she was doing it for me, she started up again last night and hurt because it sorta means she doesnt like me cos thats who she was doing it for. but its jst the addiction.

5. shes doesnt give me time to myself, no matter what she doesnt respect if i want a day alone so she sooks and makes me feel bad so we hang out, then she gets on my nerves and we fight.

6. she seems very full on! has talked about moving in and having kids in the future. which runs through every1's minds, its jst nice to think of wat could happen sorta day dreaming...she put heaps of photo's of her on my phone, bring a photo to put beside my bed which is nice but a bit weird. maybe? she invites me to heaps of family outings. i dont know how to take all this.


i like her alot even love her but shes smothering me and i cant handle it,
ive told her today i need a few days of space but she wont stop msging or calling, she says it would kill her if i left her and she loves me and needs me.

can i please have advice on all these numbers of issues. if sum 1 could run me through all of them id appreciate it alot
1. 1 month in, and already saying I love you? That's too damn strong for that early.

2. That will tone down once she gets it out of her system, just don't do anything to make her suspicious, she will trust you, but that will take time and patience. Build trust with her, don't break promises, tell the truth, just do things that require trust and build it up with her. Dealing with things like that from the past is very difficult for girls, understand that. Above all, don't get frustrated that she's suspicious, it's perfectly natural for her after all the things you listed that she's been through.

3. Don't do anything, even anything very small, that will give her reason to be obsessive. Having sex once because she was drunk...that sounds like a problem with your game, same with the arguing. Arguing over not getting any? That sounds chumpish.

4. Smoking is a problem for me too...dunno how to make her quite...sorry.

Alright, screw the numbers, that's a whole load of problems...Give her an ultimatum, either she shapes up, (or at least stops doing the smothering and the other biggies) or you leave. You obviously aren't playing her right if she has to get drunk to have sex, and she gets on your nerves when you're around her? Why the hell be around her? You gotta break this off. You're going nowhere. Fast.
Author:  the_prize [ Wed Dec 16, 2009 4:23 am ]
Post subject: 
thanks for ur reply, any 1 else got any other views?
Author:  the_prize [ Fri Dec 18, 2009 5:26 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
1. We have been officially been together about 2 and a half months, and have had time apart once, and fully broken up once about 1 month in (because she started acting weird when we were telling each other we loved each other) she told me she didn know if she felt the same and wanted sum time to think, i broke it off because i was having anxiety issues about it ....so it doesnt seem its the way it should be so early in.

2. She doesnt trust me....in her past shes walked in on 2 of her ex's in bed with another girl, and found out other sutff going through there phones, so she is obsessed with knowing where i am all the time and going through my msges, which is wrong i beleive. i didnt mind at the start then stopped her from doing it, which made her think i was up 2 sumthing...when i would never cheat on her. if i dont reply to her msgs she will ring, but act all normal when clearly its a bit obsessive.

3.she has body image issues, she has a medical decision and there for has to take steroids which make her put on a bit of weight, this is frustrating for her because she use 2 model and be a promo girl, i got with her when she was bigger so i dnt care how she looks altho shes hot, its her...so basically we have had sex once (i think because she was drunk) and play around with each other now and then but nothing else...i understand her issue but become in patient because i feel that its weird not doing sexual stuff when were so into each other,and im not bad looking and think theres sumthing wrong with me if she doesnt want to have sex, i get frustrated and end up bring the issue up which turns into a fight (which we argue 2 much i think for this so soon in)

4. she smokes which i dnt really have a problem with because i like her so much (im against smoking) so i look past it, but she quit and told me she was doing it for me, she started up again last night and hurt because it sorta means she doesnt like me cos thats who she was doing it for. but its jst the addiction.

5. shes doesnt give me time to myself, no matter what she doesnt respect if i want a day alone so she sooks and makes me feel bad so we hang out, then she gets on my nerves and we fight.

6. she seems very full on! has talked about moving in and having kids in the future. which runs through every1's minds, its jst nice to think of wat could happen sorta day dreaming...she put heaps of photo's of her on my phone, bring a photo to put beside my bed which is nice but a bit weird. maybe? she invites me to heaps of family outings. i dont know how to take all this.
This relationship doesn't seem healthy nor sustainable. Break up and move on, unless you plan on marriage in your very near future.
i dont think breaking up is the answer, yes there are a few problems and ive just been confused about the way i felt because theres all these thing to deal with, i love her and im going to stick by her, isnt that the meaning of having a rship? shes jst not a girl to fuck for a while and hang out with, sum pplz have a weird understanding of what an rship is.
Author:  Linckia [ Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
Woman's POV:

Clearly, this girl has some significant issues which are preventing her from acting "normal" in a relationship. Whether you choose to take that on and accept it or not is your choice, but know this: those issues NEVER get better and most times get worse. The more she has invested in you , the more she has to lose, and the more paranoid she will become. Do you want that long term? It's tough to maintain your own sense of self when someone else is treating you like a cheater.

As was written above, there are plenty of girls whom you don't have to fix before they're nice to you. That's why you're here--go use your skills and find them :)
Author:  the_prize [ Sun Dec 20, 2009 9:44 pm ]
Post subject: 
i realize all this, those issues are things that can be worked on, im not trying to change her, she's making a big effort now to acknowledge all the things that are pushing me away and knows if it continues i will not stay with her.

im 20

ive pointed out a few things that are not good about her but there is so much that is good.. ive been single since i was 16 and in that staged just screwed around with alot of women over the 4 years and non of them interested me more than there looks, so when i fine the girl that does i wanna work on the rship. i usually get annoyed at little things and if i feel uncomfortable get out of the situation all together as in breaking up, but its not the answer and ive been selfish to an extent.
i want to be with her but ive got an open mind that if this stuff continues i cannot put up with it and stay with her.
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