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no attraction "just friends" question
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Author:  sirphil [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:02 am ]
Post subject:  no attraction "just friends" question
ok so i recently got into a relationship with a girl. we have been seeing each other for over a month and in a realationship for a few weeks

when we talk to each other everything goes well. she feels like i understand her more than other people. i think she is really deep and feel like she understands me too. It is sort of like we think the same way.
but
she told me that she isnt attracted to me sexually

she is currently under a lot of stress. she said that she has been too stressed out lately to feel sexual, so we are going to stay together but we are going to give each other space

i have also felt sort of depressed and have only felt like masturbating once or twice in the past few months.
because of this i may have developed our relationship as friends on accident.
i usually feel a lot more sexual.
i am currently working on coming out of this.

i am still a virgin because i used to be too much of an introvert and recently came out of it a little.
she is not a virgin and likes sex a lot.

when i asked her how she felt about me she said that she really cared about me
but without the attraction that just makes us really close friends

she said that she cant see us going past kissing in our relationship and cant explain why because its too hard to put into words

when i asked her if she liked kissing me she said it was ok.

i personally feel like there isnt any electricity between us


we both agree that when we hang out and talk it is pretty amazing
she says things like she is totally real when she is around me. and im extremely easy to talk to (recently when we were discussing sex) and that im different from other guys because i listen to her.


but any discussion about sex has been through text messages until yesterday when we discussed our current problem

i feel like i am not as comfortable discussing sex as others. it is because i was really introverted for a long time and am still trying to come out of it.
when we first got together she said that she didnt like how timid she was around me.
she said that she was like this only around a few guys.

i think that maybe in my discomfort i might have closed off the sexual part of me, so that whithout feeling any sexual vibes from me our relationship developed as a nonsexual relationship


we want to be together but its pointless if there isnt attraction

we both have very intense sexuality. I feel like if we can open the door so that we can connect a little bit sexually it might spark up and it could work out.

i also feel we both need to come out of our depressions so that we can be sexual again.

i feel like i have started coming out of mine. i think if i can get my mojo back it would help immensely.


do you all have any advice. what do you think about this situation. what should i do?
Author:  J-Dub [ Wed Dec 09, 2009 11:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Dude, are you in HS?

At any rate, you are learning that being the 'Mr Nice Guy' is a 'No good deeds go unpunished' syndrome...meaning that as each day you guys just hang out, the more you will in the 'Friend Zone'.

If she doesn't feel the attraction for you now, then you should get out while you can before you get too deep into the 'Friend Zone'. She knows you well enough to know how to keep you around... So stop it...Get out more, hang out with your buddies and talk to other chicks.

One thing you mentioned, which is a setback for you, is that she knows you are depressed. To a woman, that is a weak man....Woman who are depressed don't like to be in relationships with someone who is also depressed. No two wrongs make a right. Only two depressed people trying to help each other out 'AS FRIENDS'...get it?

My advice, give her some space and get your crap together. Who knows, in a few months when she is over her, and your, depression, maybe she will look at you in a different light. But for now, you are her emotional tampon. And if she starts dating other guys, you will be stateside and that will mess you up even further.

Best,

J-Dub
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