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| Need help, how to act? https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=56868 |
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| Author: | Aliyosha [ Sun Nov 29, 2009 2:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Need help, how to act? |
I had a girlfriend who lost interest in me and didn't know why at that time. So after a month of dumping and freezing out my girlfriend for a month or so we started to talk again. She explained to me how she used to have feelings for me and didn't understand why we broke up; she thought that if I had tried to reach her we would've probably patched our problems up. Apparently, the loss in attraction had something to do with being ingenuine and not opening up to her as much as she wanted. Now we're on good terms again, we're talking and she occasionally texts me or msges me but it's all neutral shit or things like "how'd your exam go". We bumped into each other and had a good conversation, I made an attempt yesterday to hang out and she didn't seem quick to jump on the opportunity. I get the feeling most of you would just tell me to move on, which I'm trying to do, but I'm open-minded about getting back with her seeing as most of the break up was a misunderstanding. The reason I say it was a misunderstanding was that she just wanted me to open up to her a bit more, not necessarily because I changed as the relationship progressed and this could have been fixed if I was a bit more open with my emotions. She told me she wouldn't have let me break up with her if she knew that I wanted to get back with her, and we've made a promise that we'd let each other know if the feelings came back, as well as if we started seeing other people. What are your thoughts on what she's trying to tell me? Should I act as if we started from square one and game her again? Or should I distance myself away from her again (which she didn't like, because she thought I should be able to put up with my feelings while still being friends) and make myself busy? Thanks |
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| Author: | paxis [ Sun Nov 29, 2009 5:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I think you should start seeing other people and not let her know it (I mean, don't do it in order to make her jealous, but if she sees you with someone don't deny what you're doing, just don't flame) and by the same time you should talk with her. Game her in a way that conveys you want her back, but if it doesn't happen whatever, both of you will be just fine. One thing I'd definitely NOT do is befriending her. Make yourself kinda emotionally distant from her when you 2 talk. |
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| Author: | Aliyosha [ Tue Dec 01, 2009 2:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I can see where you're coming from with not wanting to befriend her. But we used to talk a lot when we were going out. So when she sees me online, she'll occasionally talk to me about whatever. What do you think would be a polite way of asking her to stop without making it seem as if I'm just avoiding any friendly talks? |
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| Author: | Blind_Oh!_bed_ience [ Tue Dec 01, 2009 4:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Sounds like the relationship has turned platonic. Maybe it's not her, maybe you don't find her attractive anymore? I you did, wouldn't you be instigating some moves to get out of the friend zone? It was probably the fact that you didn't open up that kept her returning for more in the first place. Once you show her how you feel she probably feels like she has conquered you and is not bemused by the predictability. If you read a romance novels you will notice a similar plot. The man never really fully gives in to the woman. |
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| Author: | Aliyosha [ Tue Dec 01, 2009 11:19 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
The relationship has turned platonic. All we do is talk. I already tried the last time we bumped into each other to set up plans to hang out, but she said she was busy. It's possible she's legitimately busy (it's exam season and what not). But even then I don't think I should keep making an effort to see her if that's the case, maybe try again after the winter break. Mind you, she also said that she'd let me know if the feelings returned (which implies they're not there anymore). This is why I'm asking for your guys' input. Should I keep pushing to hang out with her or let things cool down and keep busy from her? |
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| Author: | paxis [ Wed Dec 02, 2009 12:32 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: I can see where you're coming from with not wanting to befriend her. But we used to talk a lot when we were going out. So when she sees me online, she'll occasionally talk to me about whatever. What do you think would be a polite way of asking her to stop without making it seem as if I'm just avoiding any friendly talks?
Well, tell her you got something to do and go do it, or simply take your time to answer and make it short and simple.Also, don't keep pushing. You have already invited her, possibly more than once. Whenever she'll want to go out with you she'll ask for it, so don't ask again. Don't freeze out, don't go "all in", just... forget. |
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