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Going to freeze out. Is it the right thing to do?
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Author:  paxis [ Fri Nov 20, 2009 1:31 am ]
Post subject:  Going to freeze out. Is it the right thing to do?
Hey guys,

I met this girl one month ago.
I immediatly got her cell number and soon we got to lunch at each other colleges (with 2 common friends) for about 3 times a week.

Ok, on the first week there was some kino by her iniciative, then I pulled the guns and started to C/F with things like, by sms, "I made you come over to your phone for no reason, you gotta control better your desire of talking to me :)", which she really engaged, so it's obvious she is, or was, attracted.
We talked sometimes on the phone and etc, lunched at each others college, but 2 weeks ago I invited her 2 times for things like "well, x day we will lunch together", but she flaked. I teased her about it, in order to not appear imature.

Well, everytime I teased her she answered pretty well, demonstrating she was attracted, so last week I did not have the iniciative of text her, just to see what her reaction would be.
Ok, one week ago, thursday, she texted me saying "me and a friend of mine are going to lunch at our college and I'd almost let you lunch with us :D but only if you don't bring along your scarf with all that cologne!", which I rejected in a playful way.
The thing was, next day, friday, they lunched at a common friends house and I went there after the lunch so we could have a nice time.

Though, that day was a disaster imo. She teased my like the whole afternoon, and I teased back once in a while, the other time I simply ignored and kept talking and playing guitar to a friend of us who was singing along.

After some time, the girl got to the couch where I was and I started to play with her, and she simply said "stop it, I'm tired and angry". I kept playing with her and then she repeated that, so I stopped and said "your loss".

Last tuesday she came with our friends to lunch at my college and I was talking with one of the other girls I'm dating. She saw us and she hide and didn't say absolutely nothing to me. I was like "ok, whatever" and talked to my friends and then we said goodbye.

Yesterday she texted me for no reason I suppose: "hello! how are you? :)", I answered 3 hours later "I'm great :) what about you?". She didn't answer.

Today she came to my college again with a group of friends I didn't recognize, while I was with some friends of mine. I came to sit with my friends very close to her, like side by side, and she asked "are you going to sit in this chair? I want to put my things there." I answered "yes, I'm going to ;)". Then she put her things over mine, which I found kinda funny lol.

Everytime I noticed, she was looking to me or leaning to me, especially when I was talking about other girls with my friends.

Today I texted her just to see how things were and she was like in panic because tomorrow she'll present a work at college and I said "oh god, you gave me such a deja vu now. you're so nervous. anyway, what will you do tomorrow? no apologies ;)". She answered she didn't know and I said "now you know. tomorrow go with a friend of mine." She was like "ok, but what will you do?", and then I flaked with true reasons "ok, I forgot tomorrow we'll go to the gym by 4 pm and at 6 pm I'm going somewhere with a friend of mine. well, we'll talk later."
She answered "well, ok, see ya tomorrow! *"


Ok, I started freezing her out since Sunday, but today I talked with her... whatever.
Anyway, I'd like to know if freezing out now is a good idea, since this is kinda out of my control.


(sorry for the huge biblic text and my poor english, but I thought it would be good to know the story)
Author:  johnyp03 [ Sat Nov 21, 2009 10:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
So, here is my understanding of your story. She basically has given a lot of IOIs, but has been flaky more recently, and might be jealous that you know other girls.

Let me start by saying that I don't like calling this a "freeze out". Really, it's counter-productive to ACTIVELY freeze someone out, because you're still thinking about that person. I like to think of it as just forgetting about someone, and if they happen to contact you, then great, give them a response.

For your situation, I would just let her initiate the next contact. If she wants to get lunch with you again, then why not?

Best of luck
Author:  paxis [ Sun Nov 22, 2009 3:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
(you can go straight to the last 3 paragraphs)

Well, I must admit until 2 weeks ago I talked more on a basis of attraction, after that we have not talked as much as before, and when we did, it was more about comfort.

2 days ago a common friend and me talked about this and he told me that her understanding of the situation, as in what she thinks of me may be something like "ok, I'm attracted to this guy, but the way he acts is always so flirty, I'm getting tired of it". I parcially agreed with that, but on the other hand I know our conversations over the last 2 weeks have been less flirty and more... "comfortable" for the 2 of us, but with some attraction spikes obviously.

Anyway, 2 days ago around 4 am I was walking alone thinking about college and etc and I sent her this sms: "I love walking around at night with no end in sight, especially when the wind is hot (freaky hot weather...) like now, which is a great sensation of freedom, and I'm listening to Man in the Mirror and I think we should face change with a smile, since there is no right track for anything, so don't "panic", let's live! I really don't know why I'm sending you this, neither if you like to hang around with me, but I was thinking of college and remembered you, so here it is. I have always been told that I'm kinda crazy, which means I'm like some crazy girl from your city (i.e. her)."

She answered yesterday, like I expected, and she "engaged" ("mocked" me as in), but then she was kinda serious, especially on the next sms, saying if someone didn't like her personality it wasn't her problem and if I met her during summer I would like her more.
I couldn't help it, so I answered in the first sms "well, you take things too seriously. Well, if I met you during summer one of 2 things would happen: either I'd forget you one week later, or we'd be on a plane for Vegas, married there, discussed about the clothes of your son, divorce and grow old lonely :D".

She replied "now I have a lot of things going through my mind, which prevents me from being who I am, because with college and other things my life turned to be complicated. Well, seeing your american movie, I'd rather choose the first option, you forgetting me one week later :p".

Then I replied "well, you seem to be different, and it's good, but there is one "different thing" about you I don't like: you take a lot of things seriously. Well, I guess when I see something I want I go right after it, instead of wondering how good it would be meeting you/any other person at a different, perfect ocasion and doing nothing. Anyway, I have a doubt: I don't know if you're the boring, disinteresting and lifeless girl you seemed to be at the last 2 weeks, or the interesting, active, fun and nice girl I thought you were during the first 2 weeks since we met, so I'd like to go out with you and decide if you deserve an oportunity. When can we get together? :p"

She did flake again and said "I don't need any oportunity, you think you're very important :D if someone likes me ok, if he doesn't that's his problem, I don't have to be likable. For me everything works with spontaniety and should not be rushed, and people start to like who they less expect to, and obviously it requires time and effort :)".

I only answered "I'm glad we got that straight ;)" and this is it.
Author:  johnyp03 [ Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:33 am ]
Post subject: 
This might be a little harsh, but I think you are acting really desperate. Your first text message reminds me of something out of a bad romantic comedy where the guy is desperate and is trying for the girl one last time, which works in every romantic comedy, but never in real life (I've tried it myself, it's definitely an experience to learn from). That is a lot of heavy and serious information, especially for a text message. Then she definitely put you into the LJBF zone.

I'm sorry to be so critical, but I don't think you should ever send a girl that sort of text message, unless she is already wrapped around your finger (even then, you're really telegraphing way too much interesting, IMO). You can't logically convince a girl to like you, and that's what it sounds like you were trying to do.

If you want to be friends with her, great. I think it's great to have a few friend-girls in order to meet other girls (friends of friends are MUCH easier to game, mostly because your mutual friend will vouch for you). If, on the other hand, you can't take being friends with her, read this: http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/06_T ... ljbf.shtml

I would recommend just being friends with her, and do NOT expect her to start liking you in "that way", because she won't, for reasons stated in that link.

Best of luck
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