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| Gaming vs Loving : Love looses (Long Post) https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=56062 |
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| Author: | Bloomer [ Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:26 am ] |
| Post subject: | Gaming vs Loving : Love looses (Long Post) |
Yestertday I sent this email to a master PUA so he could coach me while I was planning to get my ex-girlfirend back. If you take the time to read to the end, you will question the game. -- NANA & ME: After a 6 year old relationship and a long break with women, I met Nana, 30 years old, through a Facebook app. She's hot, very sexual, yet not too confident. She's balanced, soft spoken, fairly strong willed. She never had a longterm relationship, sometimes believes in fairytales, and was a bit closed when I met her. We live at about a 3 hour drive from each other. At first, we exchanged messages on and off and, after a few weeks, I asked her out. Before we met, we spent three full nights chatting. There seemed to be a real connection which was confirmed when we met the first time. She invited me to sleep at her place and we made love the first night. First couple of months were quite intense, yet we were nothing too serious. I had told her that since I came out of a longterm relationship I didn't want any strings as I needed to meet other women. Apparently she accepted and we kept having a great time. I say apparently because she broke up 6 times during the 18 months we were together. Slowly she started falling in love and the closer she got to me, the more I needed to I find another lover. Which I did. Even more than one. Yet, everytime Nana and I saw each other, even after the breakups, we were very much into each other, we had very good chemistry and much fun. The only thing that separated us was my life style. She did not agree anymore with our initial agreement, was not able to express it clearly, thought I would not act on my words, and she was too in love to really get unhooked (hence the abrupt and numerous breakups). She did not get unhooked until these past few months. I've always tried to be as honest as I could with her and she has been disgusted by my love for pussy. After the 5th break up this summer, I was ready to accept the situation and let her go. I was thinking about getting serious with her, but couldn't get my mind to decide it so I let her be and started something new with someone younger who played by my rules. Yet, Nana still missed me and/or missed the sex and she came back one more time a few weeks ago. After we made love she said that it was different (I didn't feel like it was), she didn't feel as connected, and when she found out that I did not use condoms with the girl who became my new number one, she dumped me for good. Ouch. We're still in touch. Lately she told me that she has been in touch with another man, Chris. She doesn't connect easy and here it seems it is serious. She tells me she feels something special like when she met me. They talk on the phone very often. When we were together she could not even pick it up because she had strange ways with boys. Never got too close to them emotionally. She told me I was the first one she could fall in love with and with whom she had her first orgasm (she is very sexual, uses a vibrator and, in the past, she used boys before kicking them out). My interpretation is that she finally opened up with me and is ready to open up with others too. Especially, since she's very picky, if they feel special like Chris. Last week, she told me she planned to see Chris during the weekend and I finally realized how much I fucked up and how much she meant to me. I've never been so jealous before (I'm not the jealous type). So I finally told her, with great difficulty, that I would consider getting serious with her if we talked, yet she replied that I am not ready, that if I were serious it wouldn't be so difficult telling her. She has suffered much with me, wants love to be happy and easy, thinks I cannot naturally leave my lifestyle behind, and is not ready to invest back into our relationship who caused her pain, mistrust, and major feelings of unimportance. She even advised me on a previous call to go see a therapist. She said it in a such a loving tone, I'm acutally thinking going to see one. This weekend, Chris spent the night at her place and they had a nice weekend (don't know if they had sex but they will soon anyways). I called her yesterday trying a last proposal. I told her that since I felt she didn't take me seriously, I wanted her to know that I had left my other two current girlfriends (grey lie: I didn't but was ready too, wanted to see her reaction first), that I wanted to be alone for a while, that I wanted her to know it and that I would have liked her to consider giving us a serious shot. She didn't need to think, she calmly said no right away, not for now, that she didn't break up with me because of the other man but because she just doesn't want to be with me. She doesn't know what future will bring us, she wishes us to stay in touch, but she wants to try the new experience with Chris because she feels there's something deep to be explored with him. The answer seemed crystal clear, she wasn't doubting. Chris doesn't sound like the usual rebound guy and that scares me because I seem to have become plan B or C. That's why I purchased John Alexander's ebook How to Get a Girl Back in 30 Days or Less. The thing is, she had a lot of time since this summer to separate herself emotionally from me. And I feel that Chris can grab much of her attention because he gives her more security (financial and emotional) without all the baggage of the pain she had with me, and since I live far away from her, and that I know how she functions, it is not easy for me to create natural circumstances to spend some time with her even after I mail the suggested letter and wait the advised three weeks. Isn't three weeks more time for her to get closer and attached to her new man? Anyways, like a good soldier, I wrote the letter John suggested in his book: "Hey you, I hope this letter finds you well. After the past three days, I've regained my senses. I understood several important things. I agree with your breaking up with me. It is right. Also because I realized that you're still a bit green and not ready for a serious longterm relationship with me, or maybe even with anybody. I am really sorry for the pain and stress I caused you because I wasn't completly safe sexually and especially because of my stubborness to want to meet other women even when I had found someone as extraordinary, sensitive and caring as you were. I now know I will not make the same mistakes again. I know that when I find a woman worth of my love like you have been, I will be ready to commit without fear. I will make her feel safe and loved. I will make her feel how important she is to me. And that's in part thanks to you. Life is opening up. Something cool and exciting is rising on the horizon. I will tell you soon. Now I think is the time for you to take care of yourself and blossom. Maybe one of these days we will be able to be friends again. Wish you much happiness." Now, if I wait three weeks and go meet her, I'm not sure - because of the long time it took me to realize that I wanted her, the months she had to grow emotionally apart, the fact that she has another important interest - I'm not sure I can get any closer to her physically (last time we had sex, she was wanting me very much but at the end felt distant and sad). I know a big part is a question of attitude on my part, but she will probably remember that feeling and feel guilty as she will not want to betray her new man. What do you think? What would you do in this case? I thank you in advance for your time. -- After talking to my best girlfriend, I went back to my original letter even if I couldn't help inserting a few sentences suggested in John's book. I'm posting this because I'm hoping some of you will appreciate the existential crisis I went through. -- Hey you, you surprised me. I guess my ego is bigger than I thought. Or maybe your love for me is smaller than I imagined. But probably you suffered much more than I could suspect. Because of my superficial needs, I did not see how much I cared for you, and now that you're gone for real I only have tears and smiles. Tears for the loss. Smiles for the Boss. He's teaching me. He's telling me: wake up, look deeper, stop being afraid. Trust life and love. You will only suffer if you forget. And I did forget. Damn me, I've been a fool. Thank you Joe Pesci for restoring my memory. I wish I could find a way to tell you what I feel. I wish I could find the words that could make you get inside me so you would feel for yourself. It was hard, very hard to hear you say that you would not come back, not because of this other man you met, but because of me. One of the hardest blows I received in a long time. The good thing is that I finally understand. Granted, it may be too late, but at least I can hear now what you probably said a few times. I wish I could have a remote control, so I could go back, rewind the past year, and realize much earlier how lucky I was to find someone like you that fit me as much as you did. I feel so stupid. It's all so clear now, so easy to see once it's over. Why couldn't I realize it earlier? Why do I need to loose you to acknowledge, not only the love, but how important you were and how unimportant my behavior made you feel? Oh, I explained it so many times. Of course, I had my reasons, the timing was off, I was so taken by my need to catch up and explore other women, that I did not see I had found the one that brought me as much as I could ask for, and could bring me so much more if I only had given her a real, honest, and serious chance. You see, I love you. I love you. I love you Nana. I love everything about you. Even the things that bothered me or made me upset, I will miss them. Why was I so afraid to see it, to say I love you with simplicity and tenderness and let you know how much you were important to me? Why was I so blind and incapacitated to see who you really were to me? I admit that my history and behavior have played a major part in what I have now. The loss of one of the rare women I ever really cared for. I see so much in you now and the irnony wants that I have to learn to live with the idea that we may never be back together and that you will give yourself to someone else. Very ironic. But at least, I finally realize how much you've been through. I guess I deserve this. May your past sufferings be blessed and may them bring us strength, wisdom, and love in the future. Tonight, I promise myself I will not let this final break up bring me down. I have woken up. I'm stronger now. I have eyes again. I can see far through my tears. I can see how difficult it is to find someone special, someone I can be compatible with. I will miss you so much. But I am ready. I am sure a few hard nights are awaiting me but with each tear I will make this promise. I will not make the same mistake again. Next time, when I find someone as special as you've been for me, someone that will take my heart as much as you took mine, I will be ready to commit. Simply. Without fear. Next time, I will not let you walk away. Thank you for being the one who took me through this. Damn... why does it have to end? Why did you give up now that I finally opened my eyes? But I agree with your decision. I realised you're still a bit young and are not yet ready for a serious relationship. At least, not with me. I called Ileana after I hung up with you. She told me to let it be and start moving on. Truth is, deep inside, I don't want to move on. I want you back. I want to fight for you. I want us to have a real chance to build something light and solid together. I want you to think about it and tell me we are worth all the trouble we went through and that we can transorm difficulty into opportunity. Because we fit. Because we are fun. Because we could be a long lasting loving couple if we decided to be. I would be willing to do anything, even the impossible - besides learning schwizerdütsch or give massages every night - but I would do anything I could humanly do to have you back in my life as my only, official, and beautiful girlfirend. I wish so much you would love me and believe in me as you used to. I want to love you as I used to when I didn't freak out. I want us to bring light in our lives and in the lives of our loved ones, and live in partership without worries nor dramas so we could face together the challenges life brings every day. I would be so proud of us. These days I finally realized that I don't want to keep picking up women. I want love. And I had it with you. And I blew it. Ileana is probably right. What you said, and I thank you for the brutal honest truth, sounds like you are done. Not even because you met someone else, but because you're done giving without receiving. It's hard to accept. It's hard to realize we could have been happy together and that I decided not to be because I was too focused on my objective and past needs. I guess it had to be like that. I needed it. I couldn't have been different before, otherwise I would have been. I had to loose you to realize how much you matter. Now, you may not love me anymore as you used to. You may have suffered and cried for too long to want or need to trust us again. Just know that I'm profoundly sorry for all the pain I caused and didn't see. I am happy for you. I want you to be happy. You seem to have found a new sparkle, a new hope, and that makes me smile. I also smile because I want to crucify that Christian guy. For me too, things are moving forward. It's exciting. I will tell you soon. Now it is time for you to take care of yourself. I send you my warmerst wishes for a healthy new experience and hope we will be friends again one of these days. With infinite love and light. |
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