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| Author: | Trevino [ Thu Nov 05, 2009 2:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Needy Girlfriend |
Okay, so it has been a while since I have been here. I learned so much from this site and managed to find a nice girl that I really like. There is only one problem...I feel like I am being smothered. She is the most needy woman I have ever been with. I really don't think I can keep this up much longer. It seems that every time I do or say anything wrong (of course wrong is relative to time, place, situation for her) I get a wall that I can't even see over. Defenses go up like I've never seen. I have tried just about everything. She is new in town and doesn't have many friends or anything going on so I am encouraging her to get out and be active. I try to keep some boundaries but she disregards them every time and pulls closer just to push me further away. I really need some help! Is this just a lost cause? |
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| Author: | thelenzel [ Thu Nov 05, 2009 7:22 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Communication is the key in every relationship. She seems to be a bit of an insecure girl, if she gets really defensive of situational mistakes you do or say. Try to boost up her confidence, show her that you do want to be wit her (If you do) ... if you don't, then don't bother. If you really like her, then fight for it, don't give up. Yes I know there are many women in the world, and probably, most people here will tell you to move on, and find another girl. But if you really like this one, don't give up on her. |
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| Author: | Lodewijkp [ Sat Nov 07, 2009 8:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: i have tried just about everything. She is new in town and doesn't have many friends or anything going on so I am encouraging her to get out and be active. I try to keep some boundaries but she disregards them every time and pulls closer just to push me further away.
she doesn't have many friends and she's new in town .dude the only thing in her life is you right now .. your her only friend... can you imagine, she really likes you and she really needs you. BE there for her. just tell her you fucking love her and she is your best friend...she doesn't need to prove that. my style : you can tell her she should ''find a new dad instead of a boyfriend'' She : im your Girlfriend me : yeah not my daughter ... behave like my GF and give me some space will ya. she can't be alone .. she is insecure indeed and she doesn't realize forcing things will do harm ...... you can force her to not see you for a week .... you can tell her your so bussy with everything and you got so many things on your mind. this has to do with her youth ... how she growd up and how her parents treated her ... she can't be alone she is afraid of being alone. She's probably the '' i see a good dad in you '' type. Quote: ''if she gets really defensive ''
well she is getting defensive because you are triggering something .. maybe a bad memory or some hard wired learned values, maybe she does have the feeling you find her not important enough ..you can't communicate with someone who is puttin up defences... DON"T ARGUE when she's putting up defences .... just stop talking to her when shes defending. your probably putting more time in getting through the defense instead of really solving the problem. she needs to grow up ... i think shes immature in relationships .... you have to teach her some points and values. there is no other way.... just try to be understanding by asking her certain questions on being alone or about friends. when you have done this and communicated a bit go like : you : ok i really need some space i can't see you 24 / 7 we are not even married yet ... well let's get married .. no joking... i love you. i need this space otherwise i can't enjoy myself and do things i would like.. do you really love me? she : yes i love you etc ... blablabla you : then you need to respect my wishes .... it's about sharing and respecting eachother values..... you always can text message me or call me .. thats no problem. |
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