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Jealousy..
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Author:  DontHitMe [ Wed Oct 21, 2009 9:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Jealousy..
Recently my girlfriend went to college, but unfortunately it is a different one then I go to. We both live on campus and I normally come home and vist her on weekends.

I dont see her much but she's been wanting to drink and party a lot but I told her I wont allow it and she even pulled the "you don't trust me" and I told her I didn't trust anyone if they're drinking and it always leads to problems in relationships.

We've been dating for 2 years now and she's always been a little jelous when I talk to other girls but I've never shown any signs of jelously or worry about losing her (although sometimes I do sometimes, I don't want to show her I'm vulnerable) although I've been on edge latly because she's been making a lot of guy friends at college... and I'm not really making many new friends and just sticking with my old ones.

Just the other day she changed her default to a picture of her with her face almost pressed up against another guys that I've never met and I'm really ticking me off bad. When I drive now I turn up the music all the way so I don't have to think about it, I deactivated my facebook account so I didn't have to see the picture anymore (Although I don't think she's notice I've closed it yet). I know if I ever pulled this she would flip out or at least become very jelous and probally say something to me.

I don't know if I should say anything to her about it because I don't really know if this is legitimate reason to be angry.. should I tell her it's really bothering me? I'm not really sure how to cope with these feelings, and just not doing anything is making me really insecure.

Sorry if this is a really petty post, but I figured if anyone could help it would be the community that helped me pick up my girlfriend in the first place.
Author:  GORAN [ Wed Oct 21, 2009 10:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Goran says, you must be a man, strong enough to move on!
Author:  magnum45 [ Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:51 am ]
Post subject: 
A lot of PUA's tell you to move on. That is really smart if you barley know a girl and she tells you that she's not into you. Then it is better to move on.

In this case you may want to consider another alternative. Long distance relationships are the hardest, and ontop of that, she is in college and growing as a person.

I agree with her I don't think you trust her. I noticed my roomate and his girlfriend have a relationship between two different schools. They are happy together. He trust her to go to parties with out him. I think because he knows she loves him, and wont cheat on him.

The most important thing is to understand that without trust you can not have a long distance relationship. You will HAVE to move on, but it won't be a glorious experience of personal development, as in most PUA infatuation stories. Your breakup will cause you extreme pain on both parties, and will take time to regrow and redevelop your esteem. I argue that the better course of action-- give her space without becoming upset. I would like you to consider how you would feel if you where a gay and your boyfriend told you not to go to parties because your a gay and you drink, and when gays drink bad things happen. I know this is extremely vauge and riduclious, but the point I am trying to make is that because you and everyone you know drinks and looks for sex at parites doesn't mean that she is. I know it is a hard concept to grasp, but you have to trust her NOT to sleep with other men. You have to be O.K. with her trial and error. She is young and in college. She is trying to do what is best for her, and she needs to learn by trial and error. You have to be understanding. She will love you for it so much more. It is only O.K. for her to do these things while in college because you can't control her, and now she is acting out. Learn to trust. If you can then you will marry this girl and have the strongest foudation of marriage possible. You need to feel complete with her being around other guys. You are going to have to accept and trust her. You are going to have to put your heart on the line in this awful position, and hope that she wont crush it. That is the best course of action, because if you can, and she is loyal, then you will be in true love. If you can't then you lose her. If she betrayes you then you know you had the guts to give it a shot. If she betrayes you and you always wonder, then you never learned to trust her.

Talk about trust and say, "Trust is difficult for me because of my experiences, and I really want our relationship to work out, but I am struggling because of my trust issues. I don't want to controll you, although I do want to feel secure in our relationship.

Finding another girl and moving on will not elminate your need to control her.

Sincerely,
Magnum45
Author:  DontHitMe [ Thu Oct 22, 2009 12:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
A lot of PUA's tell you to move on. That is really smart if you barley know a girl and she tells you that she's not into you. Then it is better to move on.

In this case you may want to consider another alternative. Long distance relationships are the hardest, and ontop of that, she is in college and growing as a person.

I agree with her I don't think you trust her. I noticed my roomate and his girlfriend have a relationship between two different schools. They are happy together. He trust her to go to parties with out him. I think because he knows she loves him, and wont cheat on him.

The most important thing is to understand that without trust you can not have a long distance relationship. You will HAVE to move on, but it won't be a glorious experience of personal development, as in most PUA infatuation stories. Your breakup will cause you extreme pain on both parties, and will take time to regrow and redevelop your esteem. I argue that the better course of action-- give her space without becoming upset. I would like you to consider how you would feel if you where a gay and your boyfriend told you not to go to parties because your a gay and you drink, and when gays drink bad things happen. I know this is extremely vauge and riduclious, but the point I am trying to make is that because you and everyone you know drinks and looks for sex at parites doesn't mean that she is. I know it is a hard concept to grasp, but you have to trust her NOT to sleep with other men. You have to be O.K. with her trial and error. She is young and in college. She is trying to do what is best for her, and she needs to learn by trial and error. You have to be understanding. She will love you for it so much more. It is only O.K. for her to do these things while in college because you can't control her, and now she is acting out. Learn to trust. If you can then you will marry this girl and have the strongest foudation of marriage possible. You need to feel complete with her being around other guys. You are going to have to accept and trust her. You are going to have to put your heart on the line in this awful position, and hope that she wont crush it. That is the best course of action, because if you can, and she is loyal, then you will be in true love. If you can't then you lose her. If she betrayes you then you know you had the guts to give it a shot. If she betrayes you and you always wonder, then you never learned to trust her.

Talk about trust and say, "Trust is difficult for me because of my experiences, and I really want our relationship to work out, but I am struggling because of my trust issues. I don't want to controll you, although I do want to feel secure in our relationship.

Finding another girl and moving on will not elminate your need to control her.

Sincerely,
Magnum45
This is exactly what I needed to read, thanks a lot for this.

Although I don't mind of she goes to partys, it's really just the drinking I have a problem with and I honestly know she would not cheat on me.. but when she's drunk I'm afraid that something could happen to her or that she might do something that she'll regret and I'm not sure how much her new "friends" are looking out for her. I told her I have no problem with her drinking if I'm around, and although I understand what you're saying is it really okay to let her into a situation where she could be vulnerable like that with no one looking out for her.. its just people act different when they're drinking.
Author:  random_guest [ Thu Oct 22, 2009 12:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah.. I agree with magnum.. seems to be way to much superficial advice on this forum. Everything is "move on"...

often times it is the right thing to do.. but in this situation... she is your gf and there is definetily a lot of corrective action you can take.
To show her how hard it is to trust your mate to get drunk and go to parties. Do the exact same thing, go to parties.. and make sure she knows how much fun you've had. At the same time tell her you don't like the picture because of what it implies and it's disrespectful towards you.. you are her bf.

go from there... don't give up right away...
Author:  dark one [ Thu Oct 22, 2009 12:39 pm ]
Post subject: 
Every one gets jealous its natural but you have to learn to control your anger or it will come off as insecurity and lower your staus.

IMO you should be calm and tell her you want to talk to her...think about what you want to say to her and do it in person! tell her you care about her but the distance beetween you two does bother you. I would bring up any issues that are bothering you and let her bring up anything that is on her mind as well...be an adult and stay calm, talk, work it out. Perhaps although you love each other it is time to move on? and that could be somthing the two of you need to talk about? The person you are with should bring the best out in you and If you are always mad or upset then thats not good! you need to be happy and enjoy life bro!

best of luck
Author:  magnum45 [ Thu Oct 22, 2009 5:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Good post Dark one.

I think it is O.K. to allow her to drink at parties. She has to learn for herself that drinking will cause her to lose control. I know it is hard, but in a LTR you can't make decisions for her. She is a person with just as much integrity as you. You have to respect that. She actually can make her own decisions.

Then do what dark one suggested and tell her how you feel and are working on the issues, because it is important to have a healthy relationship. If she is understanding she will be more compasionate to your needs, and if you are more understanding then you will give her some space. Relationships are about compromise, and picking your battles is very important. You are angry and this seems like a good battle to fight. Remember to compromise, because you can't control.
Author:  Libertine Aim [ Fri Oct 23, 2009 3:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey bro.

I definatly agree with Magnum45 and Dark One - good post's mates!

I'ved talked with one of my friends a while ago (she's a girl).
I'm strugglin' with kinda the same problem at the moment.
She told me a very useful information, that I would like you to keep in you'r head:

When girls goes to parties and drink, they will automaticly look for the most interesting guy to hook up with. I don't say that they will hook up with this guy, but they will think about it.
I know it sounds a bit harsh, but it's (most of the times) sadly true.
BUT luckily is the cure for this problem simple:
YOU have to mark yourself before she goes to parties!
Make her remember you when she gets drunk, and is in the mood for hooking up with a guy.
You can do many things - talk to her, have sex with her, do something "romantic", anything, just make her be "love-satisfied" before she hits a party!
Then she will think of you, or even better, call you when she gets drunk, because when she see's the "hook-up-guy" at the party, he will reminding her of you.

Hope it helped you a bit - it have helped me so far.
Author:  DontHitMe [ Tue Oct 27, 2009 11:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Hey bro.

I definatly agree with Magnum45 and Dark One - good post's mates!

I'ved talked with one of my friends a while ago (she's a girl).
I'm strugglin' with kinda the same problem at the moment.
She told me a very useful information, that I would like you to keep in you'r head:

When girls goes to parties and drink, they will automaticly look for the most interesting guy to hook up with. I don't say that they will hook up with this guy, but they will think about it.
I know it sounds a bit harsh, but it's (most of the times) sadly true.
BUT luckily is the cure for this problem simple:
YOU have to mark yourself before she goes to parties!
Make her remember you when she gets drunk, and is in the mood for hooking up with a guy.
You can do many things - talk to her, have sex with her, do something "romantic", anything, just make her be "love-satisfied" before she hits a party!
Then she will think of you, or even better, call you when she gets drunk, because when she see's the "hook-up-guy" at the party, he will reminding her of you.

Hope it helped you a bit - it have helped me so far.
haha if anything this scared me more then made me feel comforted :lol:

Thanks everyone for the help. It's really helping me get thru this.
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