PUA Forum :: Things are getting complicated...

My girlfriend and I have been going out for 8 months. She just told me that she's losing her attraction for me, but at the same time wants to be with me all the time and that it's been stressing her out.

I told her that we should probably stop seeing each other for a while but she doesn't want that either. Then I said I'd give her until Friday to think about what she finally wants and that we'd hang out to see whether or not the attraction can come back. Did I do something wrong? Is there a specific way I should handle this? I've been seeing her on and off, so it's not as if I'm becoming "the friend". I wouldn't mind having time apart but she still wants to be able to talk to me and not lose me.

Thanks

Thanks for the reply man,

So you don't think it's possible to salvage this relationship, figure things out, and slow everything down?

Remember; the number one rule in this instance.

Well ...
You're probably changing behaviours ...
Its common when in a relationship to change your behavior to an AFC behavior once you're deep inside the relationship.
You start to tell her a lot of "I love yous" and stuff like that ...
You become an AFC ...
My opinion would be to always mantain that playful level in your relationship ... tease her, etc make fun WITH her, about YOU and HER... but don't make fun of her....
Do sweet things once in a while, to surprise her, keep being alpha, befriend all her friends, her family, make them like you, and she will like you. She will be like " all my family likes him.. etc" ...
This is my opinion =)

Author:	Aliyosha [ Wed Oct 21, 2009 4:10 pm ]
Post subject:	Things are getting complicated...
My girlfriend and I have been going out for 8 months. She just told me that she's losing her attraction for me, but at the same time wants to be with me all the time and that it's been stressing her out. I told her that we should probably stop seeing each other for a while but she doesn't want that either. Then I said I'd give her until Friday to think about what she finally wants and that we'd hang out to see whether or not the attraction can come back. Did I do something wrong? Is there a specific way I should handle this? I've been seeing her on and off, so it's not as if I'm becoming "the friend". I wouldn't mind having time apart but she still wants to be able to talk to me and not lose me. Thanks

Author:	dark one [ Wed Oct 21, 2009 5:43 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Things are getting complicated...
Quote: My girlfriend and I have been going out for 8 months. She just told me that she's losing her attraction for me, but at the same time wants to be with me all the time and that it's been stressing her out. I told her that we should probably stop seeing each other for a while but she doesn't want that either. Then I said I'd give her until Friday to think about what she finally wants and that we'd hang out to see whether or not the attraction can come back. Did I do something wrong? Is there a specific way I should handle this? I've been seeing her on and off, so it's not as if I'm becoming "the friend". I wouldn't mind having time apart but she still wants to be able to talk to me and not lose me. Thanks Her interest level is very very low right now with you! but she seems to still have feeling...many women will keep a relationship going because they feel like they dont want to hurt you and in their mind you are around until they find somthing better so who care right? (yeah I know its dumb).. IMO what you need to do is dump her and tell her you cant be with somone who does not find you atractive, tell her there are no hard feelings and she cant help the way she feels but you need to find a women who is 100% into the relationship and leave it at that...dont say you will always be with her just leave it at that! because the minute you say "I will always be here for you" she feels like she always has you and you will run back to her. Then go live your life, have fun, and date other women...If she is into you she will come back but if she does come back into your life make sure you dont become a love sick puppy! she has to earn your love back.

Author:	Aliyosha [ Wed Oct 21, 2009 6:43 pm ]
Post subject:
Thanks for the reply man, So you don't think it's possible to salvage this relationship, figure things out, and slow everything down?

Author:	magnum45 [ Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:21 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: Thanks for the reply man, So you don't think it's possible to salvage this relationship, figure things out, and slow everything down? I agree with Dark one. She is questioning her judgement. Make her work for your affection and then she will appreaciate it. Tell her it is over. It won't be over dude don't worry. You have to stay strong. Tell her you are moving on to find a girl who can appreciate you. She might have made up her mind. It takes at least one person in a relationship to make it work. If she is not giving effore then you have to, and if you don't give effort then it might as well be over. My 4 year relationship was held together by my girlfriends strong need to be with me. After I almost lost her I came back to her. I took her away from her other boyfriend and I was going to ask her hand in marriage if she didn't come back with me. Luckly she gave herself to me about 1 month after I told her i wanted her back, so i didn't have to resort to doing that. After 6 months of having her back I was back to treating her like shit, and wishing I had a different girlfriend. She loved me now more than ever. She still tried to go out and fill her heart full of affection with other men, because I was not, but she never found her happiness. We eventually broke up and I have been on a painfull recovery for the last 3 years of my life. I don't know the outcome of your relationship, but I recommend you either give yourself to her, or you move on. And if you give yourself to her, you better be sure she is a good person.

Author:	Aliyosha [ Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:02 pm ]
Post subject:
I ended up dumping her yesterday and she's been really upset that I needed some time apart from her. I guess she is really bent on just wanting to keep in touch as friends and it's unlikely to get her back. But I know that the main goal is to get over her anyway, nonetheless I won't be talking to her by any means for a whole month or so.

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Author:	magnum45 [ Sun Oct 25, 2009 1:57 am ]
Post subject:
good luck buddy. Stay strong.

Author:	Aliyosha [ Mon Oct 26, 2009 4:00 pm ]
Post subject:
To keep you guys updated, it's only been a couple of days and I'm not sure how to make of things. My want for some time apart from her has made her think that I want nothing to do with her anymore. She doesn't understand that I need some time away so that I can get over her. Should I talk to her and explain again what I need? She wants some clarification and I don't know what to do; I just don't want to end up with grudges against me after asking for something reasonable, especially when she initially said she understood.

Author:	PurpleLight [ Mon Oct 26, 2009 4:22 pm ]
Post subject:
Remember; the number one rule in this instance.

Author:	Aliyosha [ Mon Oct 26, 2009 4:36 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Remember; the number one rule in this instance. You'll have to refresh my memory

Author:	thelenzel [ Mon Oct 26, 2009 9:03 pm ]
Post subject:
Well ... You're probably changing behaviours ... Its common when in a relationship to change your behavior to an AFC behavior once you're deep inside the relationship. You start to tell her a lot of "I love yous" and stuff like that ... You become an AFC ... My opinion would be to always mantain that playful level in your relationship ... tease her, etc make fun WITH her, about YOU and HER... but don't make fun of her.... Do sweet things once in a while, to surprise her, keep being alpha, befriend all her friends, her family, make them like you, and she will like you. She will be like " all my family likes him.. etc" ... This is my opinion =)

Author:	Aliyosha [ Mon Oct 26, 2009 9:51 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Well ... You're probably changing behaviours ... Its common when in a relationship to change your behavior to an AFC behavior once you're deep inside the relationship. You start to tell her a lot of "I love yous" and stuff like that ... You become an AFC ... My opinion would be to always mantain that playful level in your relationship ... tease her, etc make fun WITH her, about YOU and HER... but don't make fun of her.... Do sweet things once in a while, to surprise her, keep being alpha, befriend all her friends, her family, make them like you, and she will like you. She will be like " all my family likes him.. etc" ... This is my opinion =) That's really good advice and I understand that I'm going to have to do that, but I doubt that I can do it now seeing as she's lost the attraction and that I've broken up with her. My main issue is if I should even bother seeing her and clarifying what she claimed to have understood in the first place.

Author:	Aliyosha [ Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:31 am ]
Post subject:
Update... So she really wants to be able to see me again and talk things out in hopes to fix the relationship and get the feelings back again. It's been a week, and I'm thinking after the 2nd week I'll open up the comunication lines again, but not see her until a whole month. Your thoughts?

Author:	magnum45 [ Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:07 am ]
Post subject:
Ok dude you are doing everything right - acording to the theory that one must work hard to get something of value. In her mind she needs to work for you. You have to be a "catch". It doesn't matter if she likes you or not. Her decision to be with you should be unquestioned IMO. Lead her on and make her work for it. When she wants to see you be like I don't know. You will soon see how the tides have turned. String her a long for a while and you might not even want her anymore because she will subject herself to you. If she does, then you can take her back and she won't ever question her love for you. The harder you make her work for it, the deeper her commitment to you will be. IMO.

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