| PUA Forum https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/ |
|
| How do I navigate this situation? https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=53021 |
Page 1 of 1 |
| Author: | Newcastle19 [ Fri Oct 02, 2009 12:37 am ] |
| Post subject: | How do I navigate this situation? |
I really would appreciate any advice on this (sorry for the run-ons). Here are some facts about our previous relationship: cliffs notes version (if you want to skip to the questions): i date girl for 7 months (good relationship), i break up with her (nasty break up), we start fooling around with other people even though i feel like now we want to give it another try, she agreed to meet in person soon to see if she would want to try again. detailed version: Together -knew each other a full year before we dated (she had a bf at the time) . shortly after they broke up we started to date and it lasted for 7 months -she pretty much moved in with me during her semester break -we both hinted at getting married after she graduated from college in 2 years (she's 20, i'm 24). Break up -we got along great but due to the stress from my job and her from her school/job we began to drift a little so i decided that a break would be necessary. -i didn't tell her to wait for me and lead her to think that we might get back together someday because i felt we just needed time apart to figure ourselves out. she insisted on me giving her another chance and i tried to tell her as honest as possible that i really did need time alone. -a couple weeks later she started dating her co-worker and when i asked about it she said it never would have happened if i gave her a second chance and what an asshole i am. coincidently that night i had a girl i used to hook up with call me up and said she was DTF so given the fact my ex was probably doin the same that night i told the DTF girl to come over and smashed. PRESENT -last night i hit her up to tell her that i found the book she swore she lost at my place. i also managed to squeeze in the fact that i still think about her quite a bit. -i honestly would like to get back with her now, my mind is cleared, and i can be in a relationship again i feel...and she would be my first pick because she was an awesome gf. i told her i was sorry for the way things turned out and that i've changed and want to make things work with her, blah, blah. -for good measure i told her that i wanted to tell her before i got too involved with this other girl i started seeing and that if she still has feelings for me i want another chance...and if not just tell me and i will move on with someone else. -needless to say she was pretty bent out of shape over knowing i was about to move on with someone else and said she would think about it. -sent her a pretty straight forward email today about how last night wasn't some random thought that popped in my head and that i honestly want to give it another chance. about 5 minutes later she SPAM me to see how its going (she hasnt been on there since we broke up. we continued our convo on gchat and she took it 'off the record' (maybe to prevent the guy she's dating from finding out?) and then told me that she would like to meet up and see how she feels in person if she wants to give it another try. questions: -she cant meet up tonight or tomorrow because she's busy. i recommended saturday afternoon and i'd let her know later if i can make it (sort of putting the convo on hold and not really asking her for permission on sat. and taking control of the situation). How hard should i pursue the 'meet up' though? give it a week? asap?...feel like its a 2 edged sword, the more she thinks about it could make her miss me more or hate me more for dumping her. edit: she just said she's busy sat afternoon, so throw that into the shuffle -at the meet up do i act stoic and give the impression i might be meeting up with a girl shortly after our hang out session? do i do some light KINO? do I go AFC and really go through all the reasons i've changed and how we should give it a shot? -i'm like 99% certain she is still dating that guy but when i hinted at it she ignored my statements and didn't even awknowledge it so i'm assuming that means she wouldnt mind dumping him. should i ask her directly if they are still together or keep sarging like there nothing stopping us? feel free to ask me anything and i really do appreciate any help from someone looking at this from the outside in. this is really a weird situation for me and i know the slightest mistake will cost me, but i really would like to get back with her. feel like i still have some hand though since i think she has been waiting for me to beg for a second chance. |
|
| Author: | spinstill [ Fri Oct 02, 2009 4:23 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
looking to hard at the situation will make your head hurt..... Give it everything you've got, because that what relationships and girls are about. Don't put it on a pedestal though, realize that shes not the only girl in the world, sometimes after you've invested so much time its hard to think about stuff like. Just know that if you fail well than you fail but at least you gave it something. BTW Don't think more time will lessen your chances and make her rethink things, are you forgetting the fundamentals of PUA, you need to show her that you're fine walking away from this (without being a dick or actually saying it) but more in a way of being too busy, and having to fit her into your schedule not the other way around. Think of your actions and words forming a sentence in her mind of what your saying.... right now its "OMG I need her back so bad" it should be "whatever if its convenient we'll see what happens" I tried to be constructive as possible in all this, I know alot of guys are so worried about pointing out things that other guys do wrong to make themselves feel better for having such a shit love life that they don't even help the person, or give them advice |
|
| Author: | Newcastle19 [ Fri Oct 02, 2009 6:41 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
thanks man. i am fully aware i am being very un-dude like right now but sometimes we can't help but let our emotions eff up our game sometimes. i just needed a good slap in the face to wake up though. i did text her back shortly after she said she can't get together on saturday and told her that we would probably only hang out for less than an hour and no big decisions need to come from it and that we'd play it by ear. i feel like she is fully aware that i am going to be irresistable to her in person and is probably in no hurry to be in my presence and not have the right mind set. she spend 2 hours one night just begging me over and over again to give her one more chance about a week after we broke up. i did inform her that i was on the brink of going out with someone else now and that if she doesnt want to try again that i would move on with her and she kept asking if its someone she knew and i ignored it until i finally said 'no you don't', but i definitely got her blood boiling with that. |
|
| Author: | Sen [ Sun Oct 04, 2009 9:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
tried to send you a pm. Hey mate, Im very new to the alpha male system, I kinda stop reading when I found a girl. But about getting back with your ex. I had an ebook or 2 called, how to get your ex back. email me on sen78@hotmail.co.uk These guys know the alpha male approach which Im sure is better then the approach in the books |
|
| Author: | Newcastle19 [ Mon Oct 05, 2009 4:42 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
thanks, just sent you a PM and an email. I appreciate just venting a little in here, helps me get my mind right. I was able to cancel out all my prior AFC actions and when she sent me a text friday night saying "hey, if you get a chance tonight can you drop my book off at my work, I get off around 1030. we can still hang out soon, i just really need that book" i just wrote back "sorry, busy friday night. i'll give it to you soon though. yea we can play it by ear and hang out when its convenient, we'll see". Earlier today (Sunday) she sent me a text asking if could bring it by sometime today. I live 5 min away from her work so i might look like too much of a dick or just using the book as a tool in order to hang out with her so i said i was gonna be doing something earlier but that i need to go to the bank by there to cash some bday checks so i can swing by and give it to her. when she texted me "when are you going to get here? sorry if i'm being obnoxious." i didn't respond and i let her kind of build of some anticipation and mystery to my arrival. I walked right in there like I owned the place spotted her and walked right towards her. she came darting over to me with a big smile on her face and her eyes lit up. i kind of smirked but was very casual about it. first thing she did was look up at my hat and said "nice hat!" (she used to love the hats i wear and would wear them and try to act like me...so it was a huge former IOI) i just said thanks and told her that i tried to make the soy pancakes in the cookbook (she said would like to see me try to make soy pancakes before...) and I said they were a "little saucy" (inside joke btwn us) and also that she'll probably have to teach me how to make them. I quickly ended the convo before she could (she's a waitress so she wouldn't have been able to shoot the shit much longer anyway) and said "take care" and turned and started to walk away and she said "thanks, and i guess i'll talk to you soon??" and i said "yea, sure" barely turning my head around while cont. to walk out of the restaurant. now i just wait until she texts me back right? i'll give her 3-4 days and then text her if she doesn't hit me up. she is actually pretty shy and doesnt really initiate things she is unsure about so it is possible she wants to hit me up but won't. she seems to be milking up to the idea of me entering her life again though... |
|
| Author: | spinstill [ Tue Oct 06, 2009 8:14 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote:
now i just wait until she texts me back right? i'll give her 3-4 days and then text her if she doesn't hit me up. she is actually pretty shy and doesnt really initiate things she is unsure about so it is possible she wants to hit me up but won't. she seems to be milking up to the idea of me entering her life again though...
she'll make it happen if she wants it to happen so don't rush into contacting her thinking you have to, but wait the 3 or 4 days or whatever then initiate and act like you didn't even notice it took so long for you to talk to her again
|
|
| Author: | Newcastle19 [ Tue Oct 13, 2009 7:07 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
yea, i definitely listened to that advice. we tried to set up a day to meet up this week and she suggested yesterday (i was busy though) and we didn't have time to re-schedule bc i'm pretty sure she was with her bf at the time and didnt want to get caught. but she randomly hit ME up on SPAM (i am 95% sure I am her ONLY contact on there, bc she just got one to talk to me when i'm at work). I just had a little chat with her about how her day/classes were going and didnt mention anything about trying to meet up again...just trying to have a typical chat we used to have while going out and showing no signs of desperation. I feel like I kind of have to prove to be stable and she will most likely try to wreck her rebound relationship? she NEVER talks about it to me...when we were a couple she would tell her ex all about "us" and that she was happy she met me and how he could never compete...since she isn't doing that to me i feel i have a legit shot to get her back. just need a little more advice! thank you guys for taking the time to help me out on this one, it means a lot |
|
| Author: | spinstill [ Sun Oct 18, 2009 12:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Quote: I feel like I kind of have to prove to be stable and she will most likely try to wreck her rebound relationship? she NEVER talks about it to me...t |
|
| Author: | Newcastle19 [ Wed Oct 21, 2009 9:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Nice, ya i agree. Well she hit me up on monday saying she was free to meet up that night. Later she apologized and said she couldn't make it anymore. I hit her up 3 times after that (over the last 3 days) and i think its very clear she is ignoring me right now. maybe her bf found out? i have no idea why she would have ignored me like this given the fact that she hit me up that day. so do i just ignore her? or write an email explaining that i know she's ignoring me and that if she wants her space right now that's fine since we are both seeing other people right now...maybe throw in the fact that we just need to catch up and that i actually ran into another one of my ex's over the weekend and we hung out for a couple hours and had a good time catching up (that really did happen and would def get her attention since she was always jealous of her for some reason and would not be too happy if i ended up getting back together with her).. thoughts? also, this is how our relationship started anyways, i tried hanging out with her for a year (just as friends) then when her horrible relationship ended she finally hung out with me and she fell instantly in love. maybe she feels like she has to be 100% ready to see me again bc she knows it might make her situation a little trickier right now. she was disappointed by the fact that during that whole time i had been hooking up with a ton of chicks that wouldn't have happened if she didn't lag so much. i feel like if i can give the impression thats happening again it can only help (i've been with 3 other girls since i made this thread so don't think i'm just sitting around waiting for her haha) |
|
| Author: | magnum45 [ Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:12 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Yea a lot of girls like a man who is hard to get. It seems like you are not that guy. It seems like you are the stable type. Am I right? I don't know what to tell you so I am just going to talk. You need to grow up and stop trying to make her jealous. I know girls are stupid and they can't see a good thing if it hit them in the face, but trying to get your ex-girlfriend back by sleeping with other women is outrageous to me. I am not a PUA. I think you shouldn't of told her that you are ready to move on. You need to realize you are not the hard to get guy. You are the guy that is always there. Why did you break up with her in the first place? Where you trying to be a gentlemen and give her space? If so, then you respect this girl too much. She needed to feel loved after her breakup with her ex, and you where around so she jumped. She did so out of an emotional down turn. You are a rebound. Why did you break up with her? Why did you guys break up? WTF! You don't just causally break up with someone. That doesn't make any sense to me. Are you just trying to show her you are not needy because in your past you have been overly needed? Please talk to me. I speak harshly, and it takes a real man who can hear constructive criticism to listen to my comments without taking offense. |
|
| Author: | Newcastle19 [ Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
No, i definitely appreciate constructive criticism, so thank you. Addressing a few of your valid points...I am definitely not going to tell her every single girl i hook up to make her jealous. However, I do want to give the impression that I'm fully capable of moving on a meeting other girls if she doesn't want to give us another chance. She was begging me to give her another chance for about a month after we broke up (and she was even seeing her new bf at the time), so I guess the tables have turned and I am not going to "beg" her to get back with me because I feel like if I just plant the seed that I would like try again she will come to her senses if she wants to try again. I did start going out with her after she ended her long term relationship, but i was pretty much the complete opposite of her ex and I was the type of guy she was looking to settle down with and she really wanted to marry me....so if I started out as a rebound, I guess you could say it actually worked in my advantage because she was infatuated with me. I have a very nice yet very stressful/time consuming job and she is a full time college student and has a part-time job so we started to just take each other for granted I guess. We have both gained a better perspective of what happened and after we broke up she said she would be more understanding of my work and knows that her mood can change drastically (some personal stuff with her that only I know). Anyways, I got too busy to really write to her and I got a text from her last night saying she is sorry she's been MIA and that school has been insane and that her dog just died. So i just told her i was sorry and gave her my condolences and left it at that for now. She NEVER mentions her bf, ever...the only reason I know they're together is because of Facebook. She would always be writing on my wall and tagging us in pictures and she has done 0 of that with him, so I think he might be a true "rebound"...we'll see. |
|
| Page 1 of 1 | All times are UTC |
| Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ |
|