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Am I about to make a major AFC move....?
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Author:  Dsm2m2 [ Thu Jul 30, 2009 11:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Am I about to make a major AFC move....?
So I found out that this chick that I just became exculsive with has been talking to two guys that she has been with in the past (I know them so I already knew they had been together). How do I know she is talking to them?

Well the other night she crashed at my place and one of her girlfriends kept calling over and over, I finally got up to turn her phone off but couldn't help myself and went through her shit.

I found some text messages that were from the night before where she was out drinking with her girlfriends, sent to different people, including those two guys. She was texting them at like 2 am. There wasn't anything about meeting up or anything, just stupid back and forth stuff, but I can't help to think why when she is drunk is she texting these dudes instead of me?

I know this stinks of AFC behavior, but I can't get my mind off of it. I guess I just don't like the fact that she is still talking to these guys? I want to bring it up, but I know that I can't be like "hey so I was going through your phone...."

What the fuck should I do?
Author:  nitrogen [ Sat Aug 01, 2009 2:44 am ]
Post subject: 
Yeh your sounded slightly AFC. but dont worry I sometimes have the same thing. You say you have a problem with her texting her ex's..but yet you've only JUST become exclusive. Dont all off a sudden start acting too wussy now!! Keep up what you were doing to get this far in the first place! And hell! Why werent u there when she was out getting drunk?? Busy playing monopoly? :D Keep doing what you've done so far. It worked. didnt it? Show her a good time and she'll forget about those guys in no time.
Author:  Mr. Amador [ Sat Aug 01, 2009 4:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Am I about to make a major AFC move....?
Quote:
What the fuck should I do?
95% of the people here dont have enough life experience to give you an appropiate advice.

What I've learned from situations like this one is that mantaining your dignity and self respect is a must.

I'm assuming, (from the use of the word fuck) that you are pissed, and that you are at least moderately jealous.

Please, read the following with maturity and common sense.

Sounds like she might be cheating on you. But there's no way of being 100% sure.

Checking her cell phone indicates that you had your suspicions, even if it was just subconcious. You dont fully trust her, but hey, you dont have to. Most married couples dont trust each other 100%...thats rare.

Now...if you are getting pissed reading this, go get some fresh air and count to 10.

Whatever you do, please do it classy...dont act in a way that you will regret.

What would I do?

I'll ask her

It wont be easy, it wont be nice, but if you really want things to be honest, open and if you want to build some trust...I suggest that you should talk about it with her.

If she is young, maybe she texted those guys out of inmaturity..

Just keep your cool bro..
Author:  Dsm2m2 [ Sat Aug 01, 2009 5:52 am ]
Post subject: 
Haha well no, I wasn't playing Monopoly, it was more of a girls night type of situation.

I wrote that post the next morning and was pretty pissed off at the time.

I have decided to not say anything to her. I see it as they are just talking and up until this point she has given me no reason to think that she is cheating.

If I bring it up I have a feeling I will come across as controlling or jealous.

My last relationship ended because I used to freak out all the time about stuff like this, and 99% I was the one blowing it out of proportion.

I guess my question now is where do you draw the line when it comes to ex's? And how do you handle the situation without coming across as controlling, jealous, pyscho, etc?
Author:  Mr. Amador [ Sat Aug 01, 2009 4:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I guess my question now is where do you draw the line when it comes to ex's? And how do you handle the situation without coming across as controlling, jealous, pyscho, etc?
Experience makes you mature.

Sounds like you aklready got it... since you are trying to not be so controlling...thats cool dude, keep it up.
Author:  Marc [ Mon Aug 03, 2009 5:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Am I about to make a major AFC move....?
Quote:
So I found out that this chick that I just became exculsive with has been talking to two guys that she has been with in the past (I know them so I already knew they had been together). How do I know she is talking to them?

Well the other night she crashed at my place and one of her girlfriends kept calling over and over, I finally got up to turn her phone off but couldn't help myself and went through her shit.

I found some text messages that were from the night before where she was out drinking with her girlfriends, sent to different people, including those two guys. She was texting them at like 2 am. There wasn't anything about meeting up or anything, just stupid back and forth stuff, but I can't help to think why when she is drunk is she texting these dudes instead of me?

I know this stinks of AFC behavior, but I can't get my mind off of it. I guess I just don't like the fact that she is still talking to these guys? I want to bring it up, but I know that I can't be like "hey so I was going through your phone...."

What the fuck should I do?

I would just ask her about those two guys and how were they doing and whether she has had a time to catch up with them lately, very casually. Just to see whether she lies or tells me the truth. If she lies than you know one of the two things (1) She lies under stress and hence you can never trust her (2) She has guilt and prolly likes still keeping in touch with her ex-guys.

As for you, just dont react and stay cool. I actually had this guy who was dating my ex-gf. She used to send me texts but he was absolutely cool and relaxed about it. I found it wierd on her part but would reply bck out of courtesy. Well guess what eventually I got pissed at her and didnt like her that much, the texts stopped and the two of them had a good long relationship.

But that was me, I dont game someone elses girl as a rule.
Author:  PUAHitch [ Tue Aug 04, 2009 4:51 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Am I about to make a major AFC move....?
Quote:
Quote:
So I found out that this chick that I just became exculsive with has been talking to two guys that she has been with in the past (I know them so I already knew they had been together). How do I know she is talking to them?

Well the other night she crashed at my place and one of her girlfriends kept calling over and over, I finally got up to turn her phone off but couldn't help myself and went through her shit.

I found some text messages that were from the night before where she was out drinking with her girlfriends, sent to different people, including those two guys. She was texting them at like 2 am. There wasn't anything about meeting up or anything, just stupid back and forth stuff, but I can't help to think why when she is drunk is she texting these dudes instead of me?

I know this stinks of AFC behavior, but I can't get my mind off of it. I guess I just don't like the fact that she is still talking to these guys? I want to bring it up, but I know that I can't be like "hey so I was going through your phone...."

What the fuck should I do?

I would just ask her about those two guys and how were they doing and whether she has had a time to catch up with them lately, very casually. Just to see whether she lies or tells me the truth. If she lies than you know one of the two things (1) She lies under stress and hence you can never trust her (2) She has guilt and prolly likes still keeping in touch with her ex-guys.

As for you, just dont react and stay cool. I actually had this guy who was dating my ex-gf. She used to send me texts but he was absolutely cool and relaxed about it. I found it wierd on her part but would reply bck out of courtesy. Well guess what eventually I got pissed at her and didnt like her that much, the texts stopped and the two of them had a good long relationship.

But that was me, I dont game someone elses girl as a rule.
Marc, that is a very good way of bringing it up yet not seem needy or suspecious. I agree with you.

But if you trust the girl than why not let it slide by and not bother asking her anything at all.
Author:  SiNfUl [ Wed Aug 05, 2009 7:32 pm ]
Post subject: 

But if you trust the girl than why not let it slide by and not bother asking her anything at all.

Because it will eat away at you. Holding that stuff in is toxic, get it off your chest but do it in a cool and calm way.

Take Marc's advice and watch her behavior. Her actions will provide you with a clearer picture.
Author:  blah [ Thu Aug 06, 2009 8:35 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I would just ask her about those two guys and how were they doing and whether she has had a time to catch up with them lately, very casually. Just to see whether she lies or tells me the truth. If she lies than you know one of the two things (1) She lies under stress and hence you can never trust her (2) She has guilt and prolly likes still keeping in touch with her ex-guys.
I disagree. Ive been in the EXACT same position before and did the above.

Not only does it not achieve anything, it will only leave you with more questions. Ie. if she lies, why is she lying? Is it going to stop her from doing it again? etc

Are you going to then try seek out the answers to these new questions? What if it again creates even more questions? You can see how a small problem can be easily be blown out of proportion.

Its easier said then done but you need to be indifferent about things like this. I could go into why but im in a rush to go out.

Good luck
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