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Making a fool out of yourself
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Author:  lam000 [ Mon Apr 13, 2009 9:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Making a fool out of yourself
Hey guys,
I have always been a player but know I have met a girl who I really like, and it is going wrong.
Can you find al the amateur mistakes and afc reactions in the text that will follow, because I always used the rules of picking up correctly, but when you are genuinely interested in a girl, the rules all disappear.

I have a girlfriend from Saturday (when I wrote this it's Monday)
I have met her on Tuesday, and then we had a romantic date on Saturday and from there on we are together (so on the first date).
But, when she is with me she is like very chill, but I am starting to worry.
1) She says, she doesn't love me but like me very much, which is normal I think because we are together for 3 days, she says that her love has to grow.
2) Normally a girl keeps on texting me, but she never text me, unless her replies on my text messages.
3) I appeared offline on msn, so I could see who is online, but then I saw her nickname, there was brad(L), and my name wasn't in it.
So I told her to explain right away who the guy is, and she said it was just a friend.
But nevertheless, I said her, there is an other girl interested in me, and if she wants to choose the other guy, I wouldn’t be angry with her because we are only together for a couple of days.
And then I asked her, him or me; and she said me. But I still don't trust her.
What do you guys think? An other chance or do I have to "throw" her away?

Thx
Author:  Fu$$ [ Tue Apr 14, 2009 3:16 am ]
Post subject: 
Its quite simple: you have done a lot of mistakes.

First one: as you said to us, she said that she doesnt love you, and that her love has to "grown". This means, you subcommunicated too much interest. The possible solution is make her invest on you too, make she qualify herself to you, let her know that you have other options than her (in a subtle way!) and takes a strong lead on the relationship. Probably you not doing any of that.

Secondly, if you told her to say "whos that guy" you act jealous, no woman likes a jealous guy, is a sign of desperation and low confidence. Never act needy, this will just blow her away.

The third point is: NEVER EVER AND EVER focalizes just one girl. There over a billion of ladies in the world waiting you. Gonna pick 'em all.

I hope this will help you. Good lucky dude, this is just another game. sometimes you lose, sometimes you win - if you play.

Fu$$
Author:  Conker [ Tue Apr 14, 2009 10:31 am ]
Post subject: 
That was a great post by FussBird.

I have made similar mistakes about not being subtle with the "showing you have options".

When you told her "Hey I have another girl, so I don't care if you have another guy" when you say it that direct, it can easily be taken as a sign of jealousy - like "FINE, date someone else, see if I care!". And even moreso, after you demanded to know who Brad was.

Probably this situation is more stressful for you because you're used to so much attention - but don't lose your cool :)

Also I don't think it's ever helpful to give out ultimatums - I think you show yourself to me much cooler and easy going if you don't draw lines (eg. him or me) very early on. I reckon if she was really obviously into you, but behaving wierd or difficult, you could call a "him or me" as a way of making her realise she is crossing the line, and she'd apologise and come back to you. But this early on, when it's obvious she's not seriously into you, I feel like calling a "him or me" makes you sound jealous.

But remember, you only learn when you make mistakes.
Author:  lam000 [ Tue Apr 14, 2009 6:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thx guys, I will keep that in mind.
So what I have to do is being back hard to get.
Because I am always like that, but it is ever since I met this girl that I lost every rule of the game.
It is like a disease, so resuming: I am way to jealous and even needy for the couple of days we are together, I have to be relaxed and after some time when we are really in to each other I can afford myself to give such ultimatums?
Did I understand it correctly?
Author:  lam000 [ Tue Apr 14, 2009 6:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thx guys, I will keep that in mind.
So what I have to do is being back hard to get.
Because I am always like that, but it is ever since I met this girl that I lost every rule of the game.
It is like a disease, so resuming: I am way to jealous and even needy for the couple of days we are together, I have to be relaxed and after some time when we are really in to each other I can afford myself to give such ultimatums?
Did I understand it correctly?
And thx guys
Author:  lam000 [ Tue Apr 14, 2009 6:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Thx guys, I will keep that in mind.
So what I have to do is being back hard to get.
Because I am always like that, but it is ever since I met this girl that I lost every rule of the game.
It is like a disease, so resuming: I am way to jealous and even needy for the couple of days we are together, I have to be relaxed and after some time when we are really in to each other I can afford myself to give such ultimatums?
Did I understand it correctly?
And thx guys
I think I know what to do, instead of saying I dont't care and saying I am not jealous, I really have to be carefree and not jealous. I think that will be good isn't it?
But I am afraid that when I am careless, she will just keep on playing with other guys. Or am I wrong?
Author:  Conker [ Tue Apr 14, 2009 6:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
I think I know what to do, instead of saying I dont't care and saying I am not jealous, I really have to be carefree and not jealous. I think that will be good isn't it?
Exactly!!! Always show a girl how you feel by your actions, not by words.
Quote:
But I am afraid that when I am careless, she will just keep on playing with other guys. Or am I wrong?
That is a fear you have to get over. Bottom line is, if she's attracted to you, she'll hang around. If you act out of fear, you will push her away, whether she likes you or not.

Just keep reminding yourself - Whatever happens, try not to give into negative ways of dealing with the situation - it may work out, or it may not, but if you follow the negative way, it will DEFINETLY NOT work out.

I think you know what you have to do, you're just having a hard time sticking to it cause of all these emotions that are coming up cause of this one special girl. I guess try to remember it's all the importance you're putting on this one girl that's causing the fear, which in turn creates the desire to do these negative things like giving ultimatums.

*edit: hey it changed "this one girl" into a link to the FAQ...... interesting.

Would like to know how it goes! Maybe you can rescue the situation. It could go either way. If you can avoid being afraid of "failing" with her, that will definitely help. Try to remember that there are 100's of other girls to see and although they are all good in their own way, when you find the next 'really special girl' you'll more easily get over this one.
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