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how do you remain an alpha in a relationship?
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Author:  Risen [ Wed Apr 01, 2009 6:44 am ]
Post subject:  how do you remain an alpha in a relationship?
How do you maintain your alpha-male stature which intially got your girlfriend interested in you??

Ive been in a relationship for only a little over 3 months and Im struggling to not revert a complete AFC. My greatest fear is that this happens and I eventually lose her to another alpha guy because I got boring. I mean we love each other, but won't she get bored soon? I take her out for dinners, pay for stuff here and there. Yea its all amazing stuff these past few months, but I finally feel the intital infatuation beginning to taper off and I dont want her to take advantage of me.

Then again the reasoning behind not reverting to my intial alpha qualities like-ignoring her, hanging out with my friends OVER her- is because I'm also afraid that will make her angry. She has become used to my afcish qualities so any differences might be unwanted.

Yea, I know this rant makes me sound like a pansy, but this is my first real relationship. Please offer any advice you have!! Anything will help. Thanks in advance!
Author:  Call Me Dre [ Wed Apr 01, 2009 6:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: how do you remain an alpha in a relationship?
Quote:
How do you maintain your alpha-male stature which intially got your girlfriend interested in you??

Ive been in a relationship for only a little over 3 months and Im struggling to not revert a complete AFC. My greatest fear is that this happens and I eventually lose her to another alpha guy because I got boring. I mean we love each other, but won't she get bored soon? I take her out for dinners, pay for stuff here and there. Yea its all amazing stuff these past few months, but I finally feel the intital infatuation beginning to taper off and I dont want her to take advantage of me.

Then again the reasoning behind not reverting to my intial alpha qualities like-ignoring her, hanging out with my friends OVER her- is because I'm also afraid that will make her angry. She has become used to my afcish qualities so any differences might be unwanted.

Yea, I know this rant makes me sound like a pansy, but this is my first real relationship. Please offer any advice you have!! Anything will help. Thanks in advance!
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread ... =squirrels

Shoot me a PM if you have any Questions,

Best of luck

-Dre
Author:  Sexcellent [ Wed Apr 01, 2009 4:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: how do you remain an alpha in a relationship?
Quote:
Quote:
How do you maintain your alpha-male stature which intially got your girlfriend interested in you??

Ive been in a relationship for only a little over 3 months and Im struggling to not revert a complete AFC. My greatest fear is that this happens and I eventually lose her to another alpha guy because I got boring. I mean we love each other, but won't she get bored soon? I take her out for dinners, pay for stuff here and there. Yea its all amazing stuff these past few months, but I finally feel the intital infatuation beginning to taper off and I dont want her to take advantage of me.

Then again the reasoning behind not reverting to my intial alpha qualities like-ignoring her, hanging out with my friends OVER her- is because I'm also afraid that will make her angry. She has become used to my afcish qualities so any differences might be unwanted.

Yea, I know this rant makes me sound like a pansy, but this is my first real relationship. Please offer any advice you have!! Anything will help. Thanks in advance!
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread ... =squirrels

Shoot me a PM if you have any Questions,

Best of luck

-Dre
that article was great. 100% accurate as far as i'm concerned. ya gotta watch out for the "i'm not worthy of my gf" mentality.
Author:  Risen [ Wed Apr 01, 2009 6:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks for the link to that great article! I read and reread it and it def applies to my situation.

My only concern is that once you go AFC is it too late to go back to how you originally were? Like if you already adopted AFC qualities, which many guys do, I am afraid that if I start acting distant, or putting other priorities first, she will sense a change in me that may be in a negative way.

Im trying to not make myself available all the time, but its hard because we have pretty much spent everyday together the past 3 months. I want to keep the passion between us alive and I feel its better if you dont see each other as much? Its just a difficult place for me and im not sure what to do. Keep acting AFC, where i feel ill prob eventually lose, or revert to some old "player" mentality which might make her feel different about me. Thanks for the help
Author:  Risen [ Wed Apr 01, 2009 6:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
maybe it just stems from the fact that im not entirely sure what a relationship is then. I thought when you found someone you truly love, you have to drop some of your player qualities and open up to them and be vulnerable. To buy them stuff from time to time and to hang out all the time, be lovey dovey and all that jazz. Does anyone else have any input on this?
Author:  Call Me Dre [ Wed Apr 01, 2009 9:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
The point is to not lose your individuality, hang out with both, in a sense dont be one of those guys that just hangs out with his girlfriend.

Have a night where it is just you and your friends, and a night where its just you and your girl,

We all have had one of those friends, where he meets a girl, and your like where did he go?? haha is he still alive?

Thats what makes a strong relationship, being able to be together, but at the same time, still being able to say no to something that you don't feel comfortable/want to do(the relationship doesn't make who you are, you make the relationship), i'm not telling you to deny any request she asks you to do, simply to do it with moderation, like they say "pick and choose your battles". :)

Hope that was helpful in a way or two,

Best of luck

-Dre
Author:  ZEGlass [ Wed Apr 01, 2009 9:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Risen, I think that you have some right ideas and some wrong ideas. If you're inclined toward long-term relationships, then yes, I think that you'll be happier if it's a partnership of equals. Most other kinds of relationships are intrinsically unstable. That's fine for short-term relationships and serial monogamy, if those are your goals, if those are your goals. In other words, the approach that you take is going to depend on what outcomes you want.

The best long-term relationships are between two secure individuals who CHOOSE each other's company. (Emotions are fickle. If you want something to last, it has to be backed by volition.) Vulnerability can be part of this -- it demonstrates trust. Buying stuff and hanging out? Possibly important, but not necessarily.

I'm pro'ly going to be razzed a little bit for bringing this up here, but there's a book called "The Five Love Languages" and it talks about five ways that one can convey to one's partner the emotions and devotion of a loving relationship: acts of service, gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and touch. So yes, buying her stuff (gifts) and hanging out (quality time) might be ways you illustrate your love for her. Ideally, you should pick the one or two methods to which she is most receptive and focus on those.

Caution: You shouldn't do these things just because you think it'll make her like you more. That's AFC thinking. If you're going to do any of these things, do them because you choose to, as a reflection of YOUR emotions and choices. It makes the difference between giving her a gift and giving her a bribe.
Author:  Call Me Dre [ Wed Apr 01, 2009 10:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Risen, I think that you have some right ideas and some wrong ideas. If you're inclined toward long-term relationships, then yes, I think that you'll be happier if it's a partnership of equals. Most other kinds of relationships are intrinsically unstable. That's fine for short-term relationships and serial monogamy, if those are your goals, if those are your goals. In other words, the approach that you take is going to depend on what outcomes you want.

The best long-term relationships are between two secure individuals who CHOOSE each other's company. (Emotions are fickle. If you want something to last, it has to be backed by volition.) Vulnerability can be part of this -- it demonstrates trust. Buying stuff and hanging out? Possibly important, but not necessarily.

I'm pro'ly going to be razzed a little bit for bringing this up here, but there's a book called "The Five Love Languages" and it talks about five ways that one can convey to one's partner the emotions and devotion of a loving relationship: acts of service, gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and touch. So yes, buying her stuff (gifts) and hanging out (quality time) might be ways you illustrate your love for her. Ideally, you should pick the one or two methods to which she is most receptive and focus on those.

Caution: You shouldn't do these things just because you think it'll make her like you more. That's AFC thinking. If you're going to do any of these things, do them because you choose to, as a reflection of YOUR emotions and choices. It makes the difference between giving her a gift and giving her a bribe.
Wow good stuff, haha i'm going to check out that book
Author:  ACM [ Sat Apr 04, 2009 11:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Wow thank you for that article link!!
Author:  ZEGlass [ Sun Apr 05, 2009 12:58 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm going to make a subtle clarification here. I want to preface this saying that most people probably don't need this advice. This forum is about getting things that seem obvious to some out in the open, though, so I'll mention it.

"Being alpha" is not the same as being domineering. Put another way, leadership is not the same as giving orders. Especially in a committed relationship with a "modern woman," giving orders isn't going to get you very far. In this situation, leadership is going to mean that you are often the initiator of new direction for the relationship. Yes, the woman will initiate sometimes. Some women, like some men, are very good at initiating new ideas. Something that I have discovered, however, is that a lot of women are repulsed by the idea of a man who never initiates or who initiates less often than she does.

When you first meet a woman, the man demonstrates initiation through sexual escalation. The woman is free to put on the brakes if she's quite firm that she doesn't want to escalate, but we all acknowledge that it is the man's responsibility to initiate.

Later in the relationship, the man must play this role in different ways. Plan a date, decide what you two are going to cook for dinner, take charge of your career, make sure that the kids have done their homework correctly. In two words: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

It's not that women want to avoid responsibility, but that it is natural evidence of confidence. You can fake a confident attitude, but if you're really, truly confident, you'll take actions and assume responsibility for them. Faking it might get you laid or even convince her to start going out with you, but if you don't have something to back it up, you're going to have trouble keeping her for the long haul.
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