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How to handle issues.. constant testing | rape victim
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=40018		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  _Mayhem_ [ Sun Feb 22, 2009 3:12 pm ]
Post subject:  How to handle issues.. constant testing | rape victim
Hey guys, i'm not new to PU, but i dont feel like posting this on my regular name.

Here's the deal.
About two months ago i met this cool girl at a party, we fucked the first night. She's a hot blonde, somwhat short(which i like), getting hit on alot(which dont bother me).

After that we had plenty of cool dates ( foam war, dressing up as banana and gorilla, camping in a snow storm etc..)

We have alot of fun together, messing with eachother alot.

After about 3 weeks ago we started acting like B/Girlfriends and i KNOW she is in love with me. constantly texting/calling me, want to hang out, saying she is afraid to loose me, that i will cheat, telling me she loves me often, etc. We live about an hour apart but spend alot of time together, often spending the nights.

I noticed she had a pretty hard "persona", a "i dont care, just having fun" persona.

One thing that bothered me was that we never had sex unless she have had a few drinks so i said i noticed that and asked here about that one time we were at a cabin alone (sober).
She was quiet for a while and said that there is something i want to tell you but i'm afraid.
after a few guesses i asked here if she had ever been raped, she said "maybe" and then hided here face. Apparantly she was raped this summer at a music festival by someone she knew. She has never told this to anyone but her one closest friend.

Such a fucking shame!! I hate fucking rapists!

I belive that this is the thing that ruins sex for her, once we do have sex we have a GREAT time. Although i dont always come because i usually have also been drinking, that bothers me alot! and it hurts my balls :P

She has also given some "hints" along the time we have been together.
She has told me things like "i always end up getting hurt", "i'm tired of beeing used".

I dont want too loose interest in her, but the sex part is stressing me and the constant testing of my confidence is getting annoying. At first it was amusing, now i am just indifferent!

She also has some major confidence issues. In the beginning it was insane, now she is getting more comfortable with me and can sleep without a bra (which is a major improvement), she also dressed up in a corsette and thong for me and other sexy lingerie, she had bought to suprise me. She also let's me touch her(everywhere ^^) and she touches me too, but it just dont lead to sex.

I dont know how to handle this, i care for this girl.

Anyone has some advice? I'm pretty shure that if we just got into having sex sober, that will break down the mental barrier she has.
I have not talked to her about it the no-sex sober thing since she admitted the rape and i have never "begged" her to do it sober(ain't going to either).
Author:  nightrider767 [ Sun Feb 22, 2009 5:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
She really sounds nice. But look, there is only one real thing that you can do. Get her to a councelor. SHe got a shit deal and is now stuck with some heavy duty baggage. She hasn't worked it out, because it's very likely, she can't work it out without professional help.

SHe's opened up huge to you by sharing that. So use that influence now to get her some help. Put a good spin on it. Offer to go with her, whatever trick you got, use it.

If she won't get help, you're gonna have some real issues with her. May not be worth staying around for that.

Good luck
Author:  R.G. [ Sun Feb 22, 2009 6:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
she can't work it out without professional help.
100% disagree with the ignorant person above me!!

These people who've never been in this situation have NO IDEA what it's like.

Do you even know HOW FUCKING HARD it will be for her to even show her face in front of a professional? Seeing a professional is a good idea, but IT IS CERTAINLY NOT something you should be making her do without her consent. She doesn't tell people because she knows they will pressure her into this therapy and that professional etc, among other things.

This is one of those situations where you just have to balance PU with being a genuine good person. If you would like to private message me, I can give you a few patterns to change her past and her feelings on sex that you can run with her. That's from an NLP perspective.

Other than that, it's arbitrary what you do. I would personally find the motherfucker and beat the shit out of him, but this is not always the best course of action because sometimes the girl just wants to forget and move on.

Just make sure you encourage and qualify her LOADS. Also, if you think you will get bored of her in the future, it may be worth letting her know - make sure you manage expectations. Losing an amazing relationship for her will seriously break her if she's experienced sexual abuse in the past. As a PUA there are many responsibilities we have to balance.

Good luck.
Author:  _Mayhem_ [ Sun Feb 22, 2009 7:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Quote:
she can't work it out without professional help.
100% disagree with the ignorant person above me!!

These people who've never been in this situation have NO IDEA what it's like.

Do you even know HOW FUCKING HARD it will be for her to even show her face in front of a professional? Seeing a professional is a good idea, but IT IS CERTAINLY NOT something you should be making her do without her consent. She doesn't tell people because she knows they will pressure her into this therapy and that professional etc, among other things.

Yeah since there are only two other people (including me) knowing about this, i dont think she is ready for a therapist yet, although maybe somewhere down the line.

This is one of those situations where you just have to balance PU with being a genuine good person. If you would like to private message me, I can give you a few patterns to change her past and her feelings on sex that you can run with her. That's from an NLP perspective.

I will do that, thanks:)

Other than that, it's arbitrary what you do. I would personally find the motherfucker and beat the shit out of him, but this is not always the best course of action because sometimes the girl just wants to forget and move on.

Beating the guy up was my first thought when i heard her say it but it seemed like she couldn't take talking more about it at that time so i didn't push for his info, just tryed to comfort her.

She seems like she tries to forget it, she has a hard time talking about things like this. I think it's because she doesn't like to be vulnerable. Although she has definetly come a long way since the start, it's great to see some progress.

Just make sure you encourage and qualify her LOADS. Also, if you think you will get bored of her in the future, it may be worth letting her know - make sure you manage expectations. Losing an amazing relationship for her will seriously break her if she's experienced sexual abuse in the past. As a PUA there are many responsibilities we have to balance.

Thanks for the tip, i have been doing that and it's definetly working.
Yeah im pretty much in love with her so i would like to see where this goes :)



Good luck.
Author:  nightrider767 [ Sun Feb 22, 2009 8:47 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey Rafael, I'm picking up a lot of anger there. What's up?

No one said anything about forcing anyone into counceling. I suggested he use his influence to persuade her. So she would go when she's ready.

A rape for a women has got to be one of the most tramatic events she can go through. Really, the damage is there for a lifetime, that's especially why rapists are so vile.

She's already opened up about it. Maybe she'd be open minded to seeing a councelor.

Good luck in whatever you chose to do.
Author:  R.G. [ Mon Feb 23, 2009 5:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, sorry about the anger bro. Just I get so pissed off any time the subject even comes up, too much past experience. I got your PM Mayhem will reply shortly dude.
Author:  nightrider767 [ Mon Feb 23, 2009 10:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey thanks Bro. I guessed maybe it hit close to home your you.

Take care.
Author:  Locke [ Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:46 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
100% disagree with the ignorant person above me!!

These people who've never been in this situation have NO IDEA what it's like.

Do you even know HOW FUCKING HARD it will be for her to even show her face in front of a professional? Seeing a professional is a good idea, but IT IS CERTAINLY NOT something you should be making her do without her consent. She doesn't tell people because she knows they will pressure her into this therapy and that professional etc, among other things.

This is one of those situations where you just have to balance PU with being a genuine good person. If you would like to private message me, I can give you a few patterns to change her past and her feelings on sex that you can run with her. That's from an NLP perspective.

Other than that, it's arbitrary what you do. I would personally find the motherfucker and beat the shit out of him, but this is not always the best course of action because sometimes the girl just wants to forget and move on.

Just make sure you encourage and qualify her LOADS. Also, if you think you will get bored of her in the future, it may be worth letting her know - make sure you manage expectations. Losing an amazing relationship for her will seriously break her if she's experienced sexual abuse in the past. As a PUA there are many responsibilities we have to balance.

Rafiel, try and keep the direct insults to a minimum please. I know you have good advice, and you might disagree, but there is no reason to make a direct negative remark about the other persons comment (unless it's in a constructive way, of course).
Author:  _Mayhem_ [ Tue Mar 10, 2009 3:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
To anyone facing the same "problem".
The day i made the last posting we had sex in the evening sober, no "gameplan", it just happened. NOW she is CRAZY(in a very good way) ! :D
She wants it constantly, she spent the weekend with me, and she is the one that mostly initates!
Fucking great(litterally)!! :D

So my advice, keep it cool and take your time, keep giving compliments and be funny, don't get pushed around, be mad, be confident in your sexuality but make her know you can pull back at any time with no hard feelings.
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