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| Guilt https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=37428 |
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| Author: | Ezo [ Mon Jan 19, 2009 2:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Guilt |
I guess this could go under the relationship flag now... There is this girl I have been seeing from time to time. For an extended amount of time. We Fullclosed around 30 times or so. No problems there. The problem is that she has a bf... Ok, yeah, I know I am a bastard. But the bf is a real jerk. And I dont care anyways, I am trying to steal his girl. And it is immoral but she has value to me. Thing is that she feels good when she is with me, she told me, she cannot get this from her bf. He does not understand her but I do etc etc.... She told me that she is extremely attracted to me and that really means something, she even told me that she might be in love with me. So far everything is good. BUT! Her family likes her bf. (They are not living in the same city so she does not see her bf so much.) And she feels guilty when she is with me because she has a bf and wants to resist the temptation. She even avoids seeing me sometimes because she knows that she cannot resist the urges. What should I do? I want her to get rid of the guilt! Moving on to the next girl is not an option since I do that anyways while I wait. Attraction is not an issue since I have that. Comfort is not an issue since she thinks that I am her best friend as well as whatever else I am. How to break this feeling of guilt? She obviously wanna be with me but cannot let herself do that. Ezo |
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| Author: | Locke [ Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
let me list the reasons and you tell me if they make sense: 1.) her parents like her current boyfriend 2.) she is in a long distance relationship 3.) she feels guilty for cheating on him To me, that is all gibberish. It sounds like she is scared to break off from the security of her current relationship. You need to start treading lightly and do something soon though Ezo. That guilt will only multiply, and then she will start to think a couple things: if you are the type of person to break other people up, how faithful and devoted are you going to be to her once you two are in a relationship? And she will also dwell on the guilt and maybe blame you for ruining something that was once good. If she does that, then all chances are out the door. There was something you said that caught my eye though: "she thinks I am her best friend." Are you really into her, or do you just want to be with her because she wants to be with you? One night stands, fine. SNL's, fine. Mltr's (when you are honest about it), fine. But getting into a relationship and stringing someone along is NOT cool. Don't get her to break up with her boyfriend and then come to find out that you are not really interested. With that said, if you do like her and do want things to work, don't give her an ultimatum, but do start building commitment and investment. Attraction and comfort may be there, but if she is not dedicated or invested, then you'll never get the results you want. And let me ask you this, if you are in multiple relationships, why does it matter that she is with her current boyfriend then too? Have you thought about just following that route? |
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| Author: | Ezo [ Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Well, thanks man you made some good points. So to get it out into the clear... This is not a ONS or just another girl... This is the one. This is a girl that I could consider leaving the PUA community for. As for the reasons for the guilt... Yeah, all of the above. Point is that we have already stopped having sex, already stopped seeing each other each and every day. Normally I would say that it is over, no way back, finito, kaputt, over and done with. But not in this case. Every time we do see, whenever we do meet, she is totally into me. She loses the guilt, she has told me that she is in paradise every time! And I feel the same way. So every time we meet we take a step closer to actually getting back together. It is like falling in love over and over again. And then we say goodnight for the time being and make plans to go out. This is where the guilt sets in. She thinks by herself and realizes that she is about to fall in love with another guy (me, again) and she does not show up for the date. Or does not even answer her phone. Drives me half mad. Then, at other times she can get totally mad with me for not calling her engough. And as I said, Im not into breaking couples up normally... But this one is special! Ezo |
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| Author: | Locke [ Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:40 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
well man, it's time for a sit down with her. Tell her your situation: you want to take things to the next level. most times you are fine with letting them evolve on their own, but this situation calls for a little bit of guidance. tell her you really enjoy her (or however you want to phrase your feelings) and that this would be a good time to give things a more serious shot. |
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| Author: | The Big Bad Wolf [ Tue Jan 20, 2009 4:29 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I agree with Locke. Sit her down and tell her you want to take it to the next level. |
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