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Should LTR = Oneitus? I'm confused
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Author:  Sexcellent [ Tue Sep 16, 2008 7:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Should LTR = Oneitus? I'm confused
As a PUA starting an LTR i keep trying to hold myself back because i keep doing all the negative things associated with oneitus:
- Thinking about her a lot
- Letting her distract me from my usual thoughts/activities
- Canceling and flaking on plans with other HB's for her
- Limiting my thinking and focus on other HB's
- Demonstrating some neediness towards her
- Going out and NOT sarging other HB's when i can

Yes i do want an LTR with this HB, but i still want to remain a PUA. I thought about working some MLTR's but i think it would hurt this HB's feelings, given her past, and i would feel pretty guilty. i guess i'm starting to care about her enough that that actually matters to me.

Is this all supposed to happen or am i doing something wrong?
Author:  Chino Kapone [ Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Are you happy with her? If yes, than why worry? Isn't this what you wanted? To be good with women. Sounds like you are doing just fine.
You are not breaking some sort of pua code...
Be a challenge to her. Keep the attraction going. If you like her and her company, and feel its a good thing, than don't play her. She should just know that you are a man with many options and she will do what she can to keep you around.

Keep a strong focus on your life and don't cancel the world for one girl.

CK
Author:  Ezo [ Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:46 am ]
Post subject: 
Hobbit is right!

You are defining yourself by the standards of your idealized version of a PUA. Don't! Do what feels good for you. The PUA life is not the only life worth living. If a LTR will make you happy, go for it! You have to hammer out the details with your GF, where are the limits, what are you allowed to do? Can you talk to other girls? You can still do PUA stuff. You dont have to close you know. For me the sarge is just another social interaction until you decide to take it somewhere.
Dont forget that even Style left the game for a while in order to have a LTR!
Author:  Sexcellent [ Thu Sep 18, 2008 4:28 am ]
Post subject: 
thanks for the pep talk guys. i'll keep everyone updated on the situation.
Author:  Sexcellent [ Fri Sep 19, 2008 6:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: self diagnosis
Quote:
hey guys i don't have enough posts to start my own thread so i'm just latching onto someone elses hope you don't mind but for fucks sake can someone reply to me?
Anyway i've diagnosed myself with one-itis, it's this girl from college we were friends for a little bit and then i took her out on a date a few months ago, she's a little bit younger than me which does bother me a bit but I haven't been able to get her out of my head since then. We see each other and class and i totally look forward to seeing her everytime that I do.
Anyway last night i texted her telling her how i feel about her, I didn't go over the top by saying i'm fully in love with her or anything so no problems there. I just said some cheesy romantic stuff to her but not too chessy and asked if I could take her out to dinner again. She said she wasn't sure, which isn't a no and certainly isn't a yes, and then she accused me of liking this other girl in my class. She also said that it's not something to talk about while texting, which i agree is a good thing to say. I prefer talking in person about this sorta stuff.
But everytime I see her I want to tell her she looks beautiful today, I want to start something with this girl
What should i do? should i pursue this girl, i really like her and I want to be with her, and at the same time I want her to like me!
Can someone throw me some advice? (P.S. I don't want to resort to NLP)

:)
i'm not sure why you hijacked my thread, but since i'm bored, and i'm in a good mood, i think i'll give you a little help...

i think the sooner you come to the realization that you are AFC, the sooner you can get on track to becoming a PUA. If you continue to act AFC, you will decrease your chances of getting any HB you might be interested in. Become a PUA and you will drastically increase those chances. start learning how to be a PUA now, because from what i've heard so far, you have not done anything PUA with this HB.

once you learn how to be a PUA, you will start to understand the PUA philosophy. It's not about the HB, it's about the lifestyle. Thats why a true PUA never gets oneitus.
Author:  Locke [ Sat Sep 20, 2008 8:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
nutriman, start your own thread in the newbie section. thats what it is there for.

CK
Thanks CK. I deleted the HiJack. Sorry about that Sexcellent! "I don't have enough posts to create my own, so I'm just going to post here...." hahaha. really?


I agree with what everyone here has said. I've come to find that too many people's basic concept of pickup is mainly to get with/sleep with women. I personally don't like that too much, and am all about what you've decided to do.

You took a step out there, away from the writings and teachings...you've decided to go to the land of LTR. A lot of what is learned today should be about overall lifestyle, rather than just the tools it takes to close someone.

Remember, a relationship consists of two people. SHARE you're life, and enjoy her sharing her's. Don't merge together as one, because that's when (as Chino put it) you do start to cancel the world for one person.

Also keep in mind that both of you have to maintain TRY. Do what you have to, to avoid your emotional investment being taken for granted. As Chino said, stay a challenge. There is a time to do that of course, and a time to just enjoy the relationship....but if you toss in challenge every once in a while, you will generate effort. Effort keeps things fresh and lively. Just don't over do it.

I think I know a little bit about how you are feeling too. I thought (at first) if you switch to a single LTR, you are putting some of your adventure away. You feel like you won't get to test theories and be silly; you feel like you won't get to "play the game." You still can man!

If your new partner is confident and comfortable with you communicating with other women (if she won't get upset or jealous....which honestly she shouldn't) then do like EZO said - go out there and sarge. Have fun, just don't take it further than it should go.

If she isn't comfortable with it, don't stress about that either. You still get to play the game and do the exciting little tasks and "missions", they just take a different form.

You are going to miss field testing? Nope. Since every relationship is a snowflake [reference my guide to relationships, soon to come :D ) there is no documentation that can step you through it. Everything you do with this girl and everything you try can honestly be seen as field testing - trial and error: for the future of that relationship or for the future of others.

You liked body language? Now you have communication. Figuring out ways to talk about certain things, how to keep verbal excitement, and how to work out issues.

You like playing with calibration and energy level? In a relationship people open up much more, you also will probably see each other much more. It is pretty hard, if not impossible, to calibrate every occasion. So now you have personality and behavioral wavelengths that you get to see, deal with, and enjoy. If she is at the top of her wavelength, you should get there on yours...ect ect. She had a bad day, but you won the lottery? Figure it out.

Compliance testing? Well, now you're in this relationship - you will want things that she doesn't know about yet - like, certain expectations. This one is really fun! How to let her know what you want or are hoping for without asking for it, and still getting it. Not in a harmful or manipulative way. But a fun way - which it is for both people. For example: you want flowers. How are you going to get them? Figure it OUT!


Club games and routines? How about board games naked tag. Yeaaaaaaah.


Set merging was your cup of tea? Meet her friends. Introduce her to yours.


This relationship (and all relationships) should be fun and enjoyable the majority of the time. If it isn't, thats when you should ask yourself - is it time to have multiple relationships? Until then, chill out and enjoy this/your new experience! 8)
Author:  Tycoon [ Thu Oct 02, 2008 4:41 am ]
Post subject:  All on you
What's there to be confused about its all about your own morals, do you think its wrong or right. If a group your in tells you to commit murder or throw dog shit at someone would you? who knows its up to you to decide. An Alpha takes charge of his own decisions

Even gurus go through what you go through, PUAs are humans after all
Author:  hb [ Sat Oct 04, 2008 9:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Hey, new to all this but just wanted to share a few thoughts. I've noticed there seems to be two main sorts of guys interested in PUA and the Game...those that need help attracting women and genuinely want to find an LTR and those who's egos are boosted by picking up as many women as possible without caring about the feelings of the women they're playing with. Surely the second sort are pretty old-fashioned and cerebrally challenged as they are just acting on their base instincts to father as many children as possible to keep their genes in the gene pool. But since we've moved out of caves and it is no longer socially acceptable to impregnant as many women as possible surely us men who would rather find an LTR are actually just acting on the same instincts...ie ensuring our genes live on by making sure we find a good woman to settle down with. I like to think of myself as more evolved than cavemen with big egos. I just need to work on my game to attract the right woman ;)

just a thought
Author:  Marty McFly [ Fri Oct 17, 2008 12:11 am ]
Post subject: 
this isn't considered "one-itis" - it's just the average college(?) relationship. change things up though - her being the in driver's seat for an extended period of time is never a good thing - is she italian?
Author:  Impact [ Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:15 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
As a PUA starting an LTR i keep trying to hold myself back because i keep doing all the negative things associated with oneitus:
- Thinking about her a lot
- Letting her distract me from my usual thoughts/activities
- Canceling and flaking on plans with other HB's for her
- Limiting my thinking and focus on other HB's
- Demonstrating some neediness towards her
- Going out and NOT sarging other HB's when i can
I'm in the club. You should add won't listen to reason or your friends, stubborn and wreck less and completely in love with a girl you totally hate. This thing is like catching a bad strand of flue, And no amount of sex, and women can cure it! not in the long term anyway... Respect.
Author:  dronten [ Mon Nov 03, 2008 9:38 pm ]
Post subject: 
Oneitis is when the pair-bonding mechanism inside of us decides that we should pair-bond with someone who is clearly unsuitable... like a girl that hates your guts or keeps toying with your feelings.

The very same feelings.. those that messes our game up when trying to attract beautiful ladies as PUAs, are actually part of the core of many healthy relationships. Loving and caring is not something you should avoid.. if you show such feelings too soon, it might very well wreck your game. But if you don't show them at all, it WILL wreck your more serious relationships.

Don't be afraid to love her.. but at the same time, don't lose yourself in your feelings. It's important you have your own life, and have your own stuff to do. Live your life and continue to be the cool guy she fell for, but at the same time slowly open up to her and make her a part of your life, and you a part of hers. :)

As you can see, I agree with a lot of the stuff that's already been said.. but still, this is my take on it :)
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