PUA Forum :: Burning Out

Zip you've become mildly interesting to me
you have interesting thought patterns

Quote:

Zip you've become mildly interesting to me
you have interesting thought patterns

ew was that a neg?

Quote:

Zip you've become mildly interesting to me
you have interesting thought patterns

ew was that a neg?

too bad your not my type

I think the PU has become a bit engraved? I'm seeing my girlfriend for 1.5 years in a few days, and it's still not boring. She was gone a few weeks, and returned today, so I went to pick her up, and was swept with rush and love when she opened the door. She still loves being negged.

Reo, watch your tone. "What the crap are you talking about" is getting dangerously close to flaming. I'm a mod first, so just chill a bit and take the aggression down.

Quote:

Reo, watch your tone. "What the crap are you talking about" is getting dangerously close to flaming. I'm a mod first, so just chill a bit and take the aggression down.

Sorry i didn't mean nothing by it just wasn't understanding why he quoted then said something unrelated to what he quoted

I've been going through a similar thought process myself. I've been going out with a girl for a bit now and despite it being a few months, we don't call each other girlfriend/boyfriend even though other people have no trouble doing so (which can be frustrating because, like you, I'm 'modern'). But something that's different from my relationship is that there's a huge lack of communication and despite having gone out for a few months, we've peeled very little of the onion. In fact, I don't think we've peeled enough of the Onion. The relationship is so superficial.

In all honesty, I don't think it'll work out. But it's a shame because I don't feel like I ever really got to know her as much as I would have wanted to. I blame the both of us, though. I blame myself for thinking too much about stupidities and assumptions. I blame both our huge lack of communication. I've always preached that communication is key but I never practice it myself. It's all fueled by fear. Fear of relationship failure. But you're right. I gotta grab fear by the balls

Well it's been more than a month since I've seen her and about the same amount of time since I've talked to her on the phone. It almost seems a bit too forced at this point to keep trying. It's pretty much over, I think.

I guess the reason I posted on this thread is because I had a similar thought process to Zip's. If I call her too much/see her too much then we'll burn out. But I think it's a load of crap. There are boundaries and people do need their space but we shouldn't worry excessively about bothering someone else because if they like you back, then the person won't even feel it's a bother. It's the opposite of pick up. Haha I guess you have to relearn what you had to unlearn.

Author:	Zip [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 4:37 pm ]
Post subject:	Burning Out
I swallow, breathe, and put it on the line, “We talk too much.” He laughs, “What do you mean?” “We talk, on the phone, way too much. We’re going to burn out. According to your Onion Theory, you peel a person, layer by layer, until you get to the core. We’re getting too close to the core. What if we swallow each other up, you get in, see the pith of my existence, and then get bored because that’s all there is? I know I’ll get bored. What happens next? Is that it?” “Do you enjoy our conversation right now?” I smile. “Right now I’m about to throw up, but when we were telling each other dead baby jokes, I was splendid.” “So that’s a yes. Do you enjoy the time we spend on the phone?” “Yes.” “At night, if you haven’t heard or talked to me that day, do I pop into your head before you pass out?” “Uh, yeah. But don’t tell anyone.” “Duly noted. When I call, do you get a little rush?” I stall, “I’m not good at talking about feelings.” “Shut up.” “Yes.” He continues, “When you accidentally scroll by my name in your phone book, do you get a certain feeling or think about what I’m doing?” “Sure.” “Well. There you go. We don’t talk too much. If any of those yeses change, we cut back. If two or more of them change, we communicate what is best for both parties.” As modern men and women, we are constantly in a slew of non-relationships. I find myself trying to one-up or out maneuver my partner so that I don’t come across as “one of those emotional girls.” I won’t ever refer to him as my “boyfriend” because I’m modern, damnit. However, when I go deep with someone, this tendency comes back to sting me in the ass. Worrying about coming off as emotional will inhibit deep rapport. By opening myself enough to let someone in but closing part of myself out, I end up sabotaging the future. I’ve been in a non-relationship with a man for as long as five years. It’s too much work. It had a definite end point that I established from day one. What’s the solution? How can one tell where a relationship is without coming across like a sissy? How can one let another see who he or she truly is beyond outside influence and keep interest still alive? We all search for a challenge. What happens when we win? What the hell do Cinderella and Prince Charming have left to talk about after they ride off in the carriage? First of all, stop trying to control the uncontrollable. The outcome of a relationship can be affected by conscious manipulation, but it cannot be controlled. Trying to take on that much responsibility for a human interaction is madness. Secondly, realize that you are deeper than you can fathom. Human beings, no matter what level of education or experience, are complex. Equip yourself with some bad ass tools, and you can keep digging deeper and deeper. With any relationship, there is no end to a person. (Think of a drunken family get-together when Granny lets loose and tells a story about the time she danced topless on a bar in Tallahassee. I know you think you know your Granny, but she’s still got some surprises up her muumuu.) If you’ve reached a plateau with another human being, you’ve failed or lost the will to keep relationship dynamic. Gauge the relationship. When gauging fails, communication is key. The Onion Theory (mentioned above and developed by a dear friend) states that we peel back layers of personality and experience as we delve deeper into knowing a person. Some people don’t know how to keep peeling or are too scared to let another strip them of their protective layers. Thus, conversation remains superficial. However, if one is brave enough to open up and dig into another human being, the inner onion layers become like gossamer, and the core shines through. There is no end, even when one starts to see the inner bits of another human being. We are living, breathing works of art. We are constantly shaped by experiences and environmental determinants. Don’t fear the end of rapport, for there is no end. Take a breath, grab this fear by the balls, and freefall into someone else. I dare you. When it starts to get boring, take a step back and make yourself a more interesting human being. Your partner will have time to experience something else as well. Win win. Admitting this shit is scary allows you to cut the albatross of fear from your neck and dive into a real experience.

Author:	Top-ster [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 10:19 pm ]
Post subject:
Good read, it matches my perspective that no one should ever get "bored" of their significant other in a successful relationship, as there's always new things to learn from each other. And in the event they do, they failed in the relationship. I always disliked the viewpoint that all people are "onions", because I feel the human being is a wholly different entity. There aren't "layers" leading to a "core", there's stages, levels, and plateaus leading to other plateaus that keep growing with time and experience. There's no way you can ever reach the top because it's continually increasing in height. Also, eww, dead baby jokes >_<

Author:	Reo [ Fri Aug 08, 2008 5:33 pm ]
Post subject:
Zip you've become mildly interesting to me you have interesting thought patterns

Author:	Zip [ Fri Aug 08, 2008 6:04 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Zip you've become mildly interesting to me you have interesting thought patterns ew was that a neg?

Author:	Reo [ Fri Aug 08, 2008 6:24 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Zip you've become mildly interesting to me you have interesting thought patterns ew was that a neg? Haha no a neg would be your cute a girl Zip too bad your not my type but yeah i was giving you an honest compliment your alright

PUA Forum https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/

Burning Out https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=26095	Page 1 of 2

Author:	Steelx01 [ Sat Aug 09, 2008 9:06 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Quote: Zip you've become mildly interesting to me you have interesting thought patterns ew was that a neg? too bad your not my type I think the PU has become a bit engraved? I'm seeing my girlfriend for 1.5 years in a few days, and it's still not boring. She was gone a few weeks, and returned today, so I went to pick her up, and was swept with rush and love when she opened the door. She still loves being negged.

Author:	Reo [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 5:36 am ]
Post subject:
nice post zip

Author:	jurupa [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 9:12 am ]
Post subject:
Zip is a girl? Quote: I think the PU has become a bit engraved? I'm seeing my girlfriend for 1.5 years in a few days, and it's still not boring. She was gone a few weeks, and returned today, so I went to pick her up, and was swept with rush and love when she opened the door. She still loves being negged. Let me guess the two of you have a very good line of communication.

Author:	Kerrick [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 10:40 am ]
Post subject:
I've been going through a similar thought process myself. I've been going out with a girl for a bit now and despite it being a few months, we don't call each other girlfriend/boyfriend even though other people have no trouble doing so (which can be frustrating because, like you, I'm 'modern'). But something that's different from my relationship is that there's a huge lack of communication and despite having gone out for a few months, we've peeled very little of the onion. In fact, I don't think we've peeled enough of the Onion. The relationship is so superficial. In all honesty, I don't think it'll work out. But it's a shame because I don't feel like I ever really got to know her as much as I would have wanted to. I blame the both of us, though. I blame myself for thinking too much about stupidities and assumptions. I blame both our huge lack of communication. I've always preached that communication is key but I never practice it myself. It's all fueled by fear. Fear of relationship failure. But you're right. I gotta grab fear by the balls

Author:	Zip [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 2:12 pm ]
Post subject:
Reo, watch your tone. "What the crap are you talking about" is getting dangerously close to flaming. I'm a mod first, so just chill a bit and take the aggression down.

Author:	Reo [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 3:01 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Reo, watch your tone. "What the crap are you talking about" is getting dangerously close to flaming. I'm a mod first, so just chill a bit and take the aggression down. Sorry i didn't mean nothing by it just wasn't understanding why he quoted then said something unrelated to what he quoted

Author:	Zip [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 3:50 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Quote: Reo, watch your tone. "What the crap are you talking about" is getting dangerously close to flaming. I'm a mod first, so just chill a bit and take the aggression down. Sorry i didn't mean nothing by it just wasn't understanding why he quoted then said something unrelated to what he quoted

Author:	Locke [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 4:24 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: I've been going through a similar thought process myself. I've been going out with a girl for a bit now and despite it being a few months, we don't call each other girlfriend/boyfriend even though other people have no trouble doing so (which can be frustrating because, like you, I'm 'modern'). But something that's different from my relationship is that there's a huge lack of communication and despite having gone out for a few months, we've peeled very little of the onion. In fact, I don't think we've peeled enough of the Onion. The relationship is so superficial. In all honesty, I don't think it'll work out. But it's a shame because I don't feel like I ever really got to know her as much as I would have wanted to. I blame the both of us, though. I blame myself for thinking too much about stupidities and assumptions. I blame both our huge lack of communication. I've always preached that communication is key but I never practice it myself. It's all fueled by fear. Fear of relationship failure. But you're right. I gotta grab fear by the balls Just because you never did it, you are going to give up and just hope things end up running smoothly? Not going to happen. Eventually it will fail for this reason. It is never too late to begin the process. Just say "hey, I like where this is headed, but I feel like I have not opened up enough" then BAM start opening up to her. Do it slowly of course, but get more and more deep as she starts opening up.

Author:	Kerrick [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 9:49 pm ]
Post subject:
Well it's been more than a month since I've seen her and about the same amount of time since I've talked to her on the phone. It almost seems a bit too forced at this point to keep trying. It's pretty much over, I think. I guess the reason I posted on this thread is because I had a similar thought process to Zip's. If I call her too much/see her too much then we'll burn out. But I think it's a load of crap. There are boundaries and people do need their space but we shouldn't worry excessively about bothering someone else because if they like you back, then the person won't even feel it's a bother. It's the opposite of pick up. Haha I guess you have to relearn what you had to unlearn.

Page 1 of 2	All times are UTC
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/

Author:	Locke [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 10:10 pm ]
Post subject:
Quote: Well it's been more than a month since I've seen her and about the same amount of time since I've talked to her on the phone. It almost seems a bit too forced at this point to keep trying. It's pretty much over, I think. I guess the reason I posted on this thread is because I had a similar thought process to Zip's. If I call her too much/see her too much then we'll burn out. But I think it's a load of crap. There are boundaries and people do need their space but we shouldn't worry excessively about bothering someone else because if they like you back, then the person won't even feel it's a bother. It's the opposite of pick up. Haha I guess you have to relearn what you had to unlearn. you are exactly right sir. Zip's post is great at making your realize this. Too much communication can be a bad thing, but it all depends on what the subject matter is. Zip points out that there is an onion, layer by layer, and that there is a core to the onion....but that the core is indefinite. I agree. It isn't just about what they have to verbally share about their lives and the stories they can tell. There will always be more experiences and depths to the relationship. One reason for that is because even while your interaction is taking place, new things are always being brought into the picture: shared moments, triggered thoughts, enjoyable conversation, new experiences. Each person is constantly expanding the others already indefinite core. It will go on and on. Good post Zip.