So if you care too much they go..

You care too less they go...

I think logical would suggest that the answer is somewhere right in the middle would it not?

When you're so concerned with someone else that you forgot to care for and attend to yourself their respect for you declines.. and when you're so concerned with yourself that you forget to care about anyone else their respect for you declines.

How do you take care of someone when you're not even taken care of yourself? And how can you be trusted to take care of others when you only care about yourself?

Thank you all or your replys, especially yours eddie, that was very helpfull.so i take it that im to follow my gut and if i feel like shes being disrespectful or is pulling way, i should do the same.and if she's being affectionate i do the same? And is it ok to let a girl know it bothers me when she pulls away or should i simply pull away and act like i havent noticed?

So basically what you're saying is " I'll let her be my leader and i'll will react vindictively like her toward everything she does" - Sounds just like the girl in the relationship.

And it all depends on why its bothering you. Thats something you should figure out on your own first before you bring it to anyones attention. Does it bother you because you don't have much going on and spend most of your time thinking about her? Or does it bother you because you require more affection or attention from your partner to be content in a monogamous relationship? Or something else.. If its the latter then it needs to be brought to no ones attention but your own. If its the other, bringing it to her attention is of low use. It's up to you to figure out "what can be done about it" and bring it to her attention with a solution you think could improve it for you both. You don't just want to bitch and complain about her. You want to inform her of you, and instruct her(if she doesn't know) on how she could better accommodate your needs.

And if you still find her to be incapable, then you make want to be a bit more selective before making commitments.

I see what your saying, but how is that being vindictive if im simply giving her the same effort she gives me? Isnt push/pull important in any relationship?

I see what your saying, but how is that being vindictive if im simply giving her the same effort she gives me? Isnt push/pull important in any relationship?

Signals that a relationship is turning toxic:

-tit-for-tat and it's lead-up to playing Moral Exemplar/Judge of what's right/wrong (and subsequently the one doling-out the punishment)
-relationship threats (real or implied)
-looking outward to have needs met
-constantly speaking to friends and others rather than turning towards your partner to resolve matters (which is partially the glue to a strong relationship)

I can go on but for the sake of keeping this on track...

Think of a relationship as a raft in a river.

The two of you get into this raft. What's the sequence of events that follows? Here I'll help.

-get into the raft together
-each take hold of a paddle
-stir cooperatively forward
-probably going to encounter the occasional eddy and current, rock etc u'll have to navigate through together
-probably get stuck along the way (or as in the case of Codependency a paddle is lost and the two of you soon are wrestling over the remaining one)
-continue on down the waterway
-pull over to a rock so one of you can get out to take a piss and the other have an energy bar and rehydrate (here's where either one of you steps out the relationship to meet your own needs/care for yourself <---a crucial piece and reminder to staying invested in one's self)

continue on the sequence if you like...

So in the tit-for-tat case using the raft metaphor you're basically keeping track of her strokes of the paddle. Rather than cooperating together to keep on with your journey. Keep this up and you don't have to be a fortune teller to figure out that this raft will either head off a waterfall or one of you will abandon it altogether.