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Balance
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Author:  mattpitcher7 [ Mon Nov 14, 2016 7:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Balance
So maybe this is a stupid question but I'll throw it out there.

How do you continue to be a "challenge" in a long term relationship without burning her out? In other words, how do you make yourself a little 'hard to get' but continuing to show love, affection, telling/showing her how much she's cherished (important to my girl), etc. I've been struggling with that a little bit. Some times it works like a charm: I pull back a little and she comes to me. Other times, she thinks I'm not happy. So, any techniques / insights would be appreciated.
Author:  JackZero [ Mon Nov 14, 2016 7:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Balance
Why do you want to be a challenge in a relationship?
Author:  mattpitcher7 [ Mon Nov 14, 2016 7:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Balance
Quote:
Why do you want to be a challenge in a relationship?
I thought that's what this site professes. As soon as you stop being a challenge, she gets bored and moves on. Making her work for it, etc. Am I getting that wrong then?
Author:  neo87 [ Mon Nov 14, 2016 7:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Balance
Quote:
Quote:
Why do you want to be a challenge in a relationship?
I thought that's what this site professes. As soon as you stop being a challenge, she gets bored and moves on. Making her work for it, etc. Am I getting that wrong then?
Why are you with her?
Author:  JackZero [ Mon Nov 14, 2016 7:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Balance
Quote:
Quote:
Why do you want to be a challenge in a relationship?
I thought that's what this site professes. As soon as you stop being a challenge, she gets bored and moves on. Making her work for it, etc. Am I getting that wrong then?
Maybe some people believe that being in a challenge while in their relationship is good for sustaining her interest, but it's not healthy. IMO, it's a bad idea because at some point she'll have had enough of it. The better thing to do is never allow yourself to get into a rut in your relationship or in your life. Make it a goal to be a great catch for any woman and your woman won't want to leave you.
Author:  mattpitcher7 [ Mon Nov 14, 2016 7:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Balance
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Why do you want to be a challenge in a relationship?
I thought that's what this site professes. As soon as you stop being a challenge, she gets bored and moves on. Making her work for it, etc. Am I getting that wrong then?
Maybe some people believe that being in a challenge while in their relationship is good for sustaining her interest, but it's not healthy. IMO, it's a bad idea because at some point she'll have had enough of it. The better thing to do is never allow yourself to get into a rut in your relationship or in your life. Make it a goal to be a great catch for any woman and your woman won't want to leave you.
I like that response. That's how I feel (your last 2 sentences).
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Mon Nov 14, 2016 9:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Balance
Quote:
So maybe this is a stupid question but I'll throw it out there.
Don't pre-apologize for wanting to learn. Don't pre-apologize for anything in life.


Quote:
How do you continue to be a "challenge" in a long term relationship without burning her out? In other words, how do you make yourself a little 'hard to get' but continuing to show love, affection, telling/showing her how much she's cherished (important to my girl), etc. I've been struggling with that a little bit. Some times it works like a charm: I pull back a little and she comes to me. Other times, she thinks I'm not happy. So, any techniques / insights would be appreciated.

There is indeed a fine line. The "bad boy indifferent" thing works amazing in terms of getting a woman hooked, but at some point you better soften your stance and show more vulnerability, or you will be dumped.

I've had this happen before, and it took some time for me to find the perfect transition style between the mysterious dude who makes her scream in bed and the nicer guy she wants to be with long term.

And again, the more attractive a woman is, the more she will be sensitive and understand her value in the social marketplace, thus the less patient with behavior she deems unacceptable.

I truly believe that you should always be aware of game. You should still always be playful and tease her. You should always be as dominant as you can in bed. If you notice long periods of time where you have not told her how glad you are to be with her, then do so! She will love this. Just don't do it everyday. Pick and choose your spots. Put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself "how have I been showing up lately?".

As far as the phone, unless you or her are on a trip, keep it to a minimum. This really helps keeps things interesting. Space is soooo important in maintaining attraction. And always make the texts playful and sexual.
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Tue Nov 15, 2016 10:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Balance
I don't know if you're confusing being a challenge with " Maintaining the very same interest and strength of character as you had when you guys first began dating".

Now we are living in a microwave overly stimulated society so its maintain a relationship can definitely be challenging in itself, but the very same things that got you to where you are is whats going to keep you where you are. If you were taking her on dates in the beginning, keep taking her on dates throughout the relationship. What got you to where you are is whats going to keep you there.
Author:  mattpitcher7 [ Wed Nov 16, 2016 5:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Balance
Good stuff, guys. Thanks.

Yeah, Eddie, I meant "Maintaining the very same interest and strength of character as you had when you guys first began dating". We're almost 2 years in, been engaged for about 7 months now, moved in together about 2 months ago, looking at marrying first quarter of next year.

She loves the sweetness I display. LOVES the poetry, flowers, etc. Has said I'm an amazing lover many many times.

I also notice that she comes to me, almost ALL the time, when I gently pull back. It's a fine line. "Pulling back" a little but not too much. So I'm always working on that balance. Not always constantly all over her and not texting immediately back all the time (or initiating most of the texts) but still bringing flowers almost weekly, poems every month or so, etc. She wants to feel loved/cherished/definitely prefers the "sweet" guy to the "bad boy". But like I said I notice that she gets more attracted to me when I pull back (in little ways). So, I stay focused on "doing me" (ie making myself a great catch and staying up to the standard I have set for myself and my life) while showing her how much I love her and care for her (because I do) but always staying mindful that I don't come across TOO needy. A guy I work with whose been happily married for about 40 years once told me "the trick is to keep her guessing . . . I might go months without doing anything super nice for her and, then, Bam!, I treat her to a spa day or flowers or something like". So, again, I'm just working on that balance.

Thanks again, guys. Any other advice would be great. I appreciate it.
Author:  Cross De Lena [ Wed Nov 16, 2016 7:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Balance
Keep with innocent flirting with other girls, spend more time with friends and family. Spend more time for your hobbies. Don't take her for granted, don't fuck her more than five times in the same venue, surprise her with your cooking skills every once in a while.


Etc...
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