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Leading when she is Type A personality
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Author:  reel2real [ Sun Oct 30, 2016 3:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Leading when she is Type A personality
Lately I've started turning my relationship around. I have tried to become more of an active leader when we are together by planning dates, what we do, etc. Currently we are long distance due to work and school stuff, but we should be back together around spring time. Gives me time to focus on me anyway. I have come to a hurdle that I need some help getting over though...

My gf is a typical Type A personality and I feel it's a huge challenge for me at times to lead on smaller things because she's so pushy, and nags about small shit around the apartment (i.e. She'll get annoyed when the toothpaste is in the wrong spot). On top that it's pretty normal for her to delegate, issue "orders", etc. She always tells me "do this, clean up, etc." around the house and shit.

How can I turn this dynamic around?
Author:  R.C [ Sun Oct 30, 2016 4:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
Have some self respect?

If your girl is pushing you around that's because you're letting her.

And that applies to anyone.
Author:  JackZero [ Sun Oct 30, 2016 4:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
She only does it because you allow her to get away with it. When she gives you orders, how do you respond? Do you just do it or do you tell her that you won't tolerate her being disrespectful? If she were to continue the disrespect, do you ask why she prefers being disrespectful in order to get you to do things instead of speaking in a respectful manner?

Here's the problem with that approach. If it's more important for her to talk to you in a disrespectful manner then you may have to let her loose. If you continue to put up with it that will be your relationship as long as you're with her.
Author:  itchybrother [ Sun Oct 30, 2016 11:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
You can't turn it around! That's how the relationship was built. You apparently LIKED the type A, and she LIKED being the TYPE A. Can't just switch roles.
Author:  JackZero [ Sun Oct 30, 2016 11:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
Quote:
You can't turn it around! That's how the relationship was built. You apparently LIKED the type A, and she LIKED being the TYPE A. Can't just switch roles.
You can turn it around as long as you remain consistent when it comes to not allowing her to dominate you but at the same time you have to keep a cool head and not get emotional when she does try to keep things the same way that they always have been. But you are definitely correct when it comes to how the relationship was built, but if she likes him more than she likes being TYPE A then there is hope.
Author:  reel2real [ Mon Oct 31, 2016 3:23 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
Quote:
She only does it because you allow her to get away with it. When she gives you orders, how do you respond? Do you just do it or do you tell her that you won't tolerate her being disrespectful? If she were to continue the disrespect, do you ask why she prefers being disrespectful in order to get you to do things instead of speaking in a respectful manner?

Here's the problem with that approach. If it's more important for her to talk to you in a disrespectful manner then you may have to let her loose. If you continue to put up with it that will be your relationship as long as you're with her.
I wouldn't say she actually orders me around. It's more of a "Can you do this?" type of question or "I need you to do this", I guess the way I say was more of a pun on the "doctors orders" cliche. She knows I get annoyed when it's phrased like an order.

I guess what I am trying to do is to even avoid that all together and either:

- Let me delegate
- Take initiative myself
- or, if she asks me, call her out on being too lazy to do it -- she has been lazy on things lately.

Sometimes she does nag when things arent done the way she wants. Yes, I know, I have to stand up to her and call her out for being disrespectful. What are some ways I can go about this? I know sometimes she's been too much and I have put my foot down heavily once or twice, but just looking for something lighter...if that makes any sense.

I realize if the changes come she's gonna shit test the hell out of me. So far it's been getting better in spite of us being long distance...and I know full well if it gets any worse I will have to cut her loose.
Author:  neo87 [ Mon Oct 31, 2016 4:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
Reading this I have no idea what you mean. If its long distance, how is she telling you what to do? What are the things she is asking you to do?

For eg, if you place is a mess, and she has to complain, then I cant blame her. If your place is ok, but she's anal, you gotta just tell her look, my place is ok, its not going to be 100% spotless but its clean, so dont come at me like a child.

I think there's a difference between a chick treating you like a child unnecessarily, and treating you like a child because you act like a child. I cant tell which it is. Details?
Author:  JackZero [ Mon Oct 31, 2016 4:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
Quote:
Quote:
She only does it because you allow her to get away with it. When she gives you orders, how do you respond? Do you just do it or do you tell her that you won't tolerate her being disrespectful? If she were to continue the disrespect, do you ask why she prefers being disrespectful in order to get you to do things instead of speaking in a respectful manner?

Here's the problem with that approach. If it's more important for her to talk to you in a disrespectful manner then you may have to let her loose. If you continue to put up with it that will be your relationship as long as you're with her.
I wouldn't say she actually orders me around. It's more of a "Can you do this?" type of question or "I need you to do this", I guess the way I say was more of a pun on the "doctors orders" cliche. She knows I get annoyed when it's phrased like an order.

I guess what I am trying to do is to even avoid that all together and either:

- Let me delegate
- Take initiative myself
- or, if she asks me, call her out on being too lazy to do it -- she has been lazy on things lately.

Sometimes she does nag when things arent done the way she wants. Yes, I know, I have to stand up to her and call her out for being disrespectful. What are some ways I can go about this? I know sometimes she's been too much and I have put my foot down heavily once or twice, but just looking for something lighter...if that makes any sense.

I realize if the changes come she's gonna shit test the hell out of me. So far it's been getting better in spite of us being long distance...and I know full well if it gets any worse I will have to cut her loose.
This doesn't sound remotely type a. Sounds like she's just asking you to do stuff.
Author:  R.C [ Mon Oct 31, 2016 7:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
^
Author:  reel2real [ Wed Nov 02, 2016 2:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
She only does it because you allow her to get away with it. When she gives you orders, how do you respond? Do you just do it or do you tell her that you won't tolerate her being disrespectful? If she were to continue the disrespect, do you ask why she prefers being disrespectful in order to get you to do things instead of speaking in a respectful manner?

Here's the problem with that approach. If it's more important for her to talk to you in a disrespectful manner then you may have to let her loose. If you continue to put up with it that will be your relationship as long as you're with her.
I wouldn't say she actually orders me around. It's more of a "Can you do this?" type of question or "I need you to do this", I guess the way I say was more of a pun on the "doctors orders" cliche. She knows I get annoyed when it's phrased like an order.

I guess what I am trying to do is to even avoid that all together and either:

- Let me delegate
- Take initiative myself
- or, if she asks me, call her out on being too lazy to do it -- she has been lazy on things lately.

Sometimes she does nag when things arent done the way she wants. Yes, I know, I have to stand up to her and call her out for being disrespectful. What are some ways I can go about this? I know sometimes she's been too much and I have put my foot down heavily once or twice, but just looking for something lighter...if that makes any sense.

I realize if the changes come she's gonna shit test the hell out of me. So far it's been getting better in spite of us being long distance...and I know full well if it gets any worse I will have to cut her loose.
This doesn't sound remotely type a. Sounds like she's just asking you to do stuff.

It's her wanting done things in a specific way, putting things somewhere specifically, with a routine that makes it type. What I wrote was merely a snyopsis..and would take up god knows how much text lol.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Wed Nov 02, 2016 8:22 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
Sounds more like her having a short tolerance for uncertainty, hence the need to have things done a certain way, her way. Likely causes her great anxiety not delegating and having things in the rightful spot. Some borderline OCD characteristics.
Author:  DMVA100 [ Thu Nov 03, 2016 2:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
Well first off that fact that you say that you're together when you don't even live close to one another already displays scarcity, so get some more options and worrying about her nagging less.

When she does make a fit about toothpaste being in the wrong place and stuff just ignore her and keep doing things that possible her off and tease her aBout it, etc. Or do things to piss her off in return. The more she bitches and you do things to keep her from bitching will demonstrate to her that you are submissive and are susceptible to control. If you give a woman an inch she will take a mile. Always.

Get other girls and suggest a break from her and her drama and using those exact words. Address her behavior. If she DOESN'T make a big deal about you wanting a break, it is a pretty good indicator that she already has side cock that she's more interested in, which is highly probable due to the fact that she lives in a distant area from you.
Author:  smarterthanone [ Fri Nov 04, 2016 2:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
If she says "Pick this up for me from the store" just say "No" and if she says "why?" or "No you have to" then just be like "I said no, don't make me repeat myself".

Do not say it out of anger, say it out of confidence.

If she throws a bitch fit literally, just ignore it. Maybe even laugh a bit at it so she feels ridiculous. DO NOT CAVE IN NO MATTER WHAT! UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE GO GET THE THING FROM THE STORE!!!!

Make sure you aren't withdrawn from the relationship, just don't do what she tells you. There can only be one leader and you have to be it.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Fri Nov 04, 2016 7:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
Quote:
If she says "Pick this up for me from the store" just say "No" and if she says "why?" or "No you have to" then just be like "I said no, don't make me repeat myself".

Do not say it out of anger, say it out of confidence.

If she throws a bitch fit literally, just ignore it. Maybe even laugh a bit at it so she feels ridiculous. DO NOT CAVE IN NO MATTER WHAT! UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE GO GET THE THING FROM THE STORE!!!!

Make sure you aren't withdrawn from the relationship, just don't do what she tells you. There can only be one leader and you have to be it.
This is idiotic.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Fri Nov 04, 2016 8:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Leading when she is Type A personality
Quote:
we should be back together around spring time.
Your going to wait till spring for pussy?
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