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How bad did I screw up ?
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=197559		 Page 1 of 3
Author:  aionx [ Wed Jun 08, 2016 9:47 am ]
Post subject:  How bad did I screw up ?
Hello. I have a question about a situation with my girlfriend. I really like her and I don't want to lose her.

First time I had sex with GF, I got performance anxiety and I lost erection couple of times. She now doesn't want to have sex anymore.

Questions:
1. How bad did I screw up ? Is this relationship over ?
2. Is it possible to save it ?
Author:  Skratotriasok [ Wed Jun 08, 2016 12:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
Hey man.

First though is that she knows you are unexperienced (obviously) but wants to smooth out the initial phase and make things happen. But lets see what the more experienced guys will say.
Author:  R.C [ Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
You didn't fuck up because you lost an erection or because you had performance anxiety.
You fucked up because of how you handled losing the erection and having performance anxiety.

Women will tend to follow your lead. If you don't make a big deal out of it, neither will she.
And if you let it become really awkward, it will be really awkward.


Now more importantly, there's no such thing as taking it slow. If she were in your position - of really liking you and not wanting to lose you she would NOT risk it on postponing something that comes naturally between two people that are attracted to each other.

In other words she knows she can have you whenever she wants and she also knows you'll stick around regardless of whether or not she has sex with you.

Back off and give her an opportunity to miss you. And take her off that pedestal.
Author:  aionx [ Wed Jun 08, 2016 1:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
Quote:
You didn't fuck up because you lost an erection or because you had performance anxiety.
You fucked up because of how you handled losing the erection and having performance anxiety.
I think this is true. I handled it really, really awkwardly.
I don't know how to recover from this, if I back away she may think that I wanted her just for sex and this is simply not true.
Author:  R.C [ Wed Jun 08, 2016 3:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
Your priority should be fixing your needy issues rather than saving this relationship.
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Wed Jun 08, 2016 5:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
Quote:
I really like her and I don't want to lose her.
The moment you say that.. Its over.

Seriously though man.. If you're not willing to walk you can repair the relationship. She has all the authority to dictate the direction of the relationship so long as you "Afraid to lose her". If you're afraid to lose your job the boss was over work you and pay you less and you'll accept it because you have no other options. Nor do you believe you can do better.
Author:  Cross De Lena [ Wed Jun 08, 2016 10:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
Just play it cool and handle things like a man. It happened even to me once, but I turned the situation as a joke.

Look, you have your needs, just like her. If your needs aren't meet, trying to save it (relationship) is just fucking pointless.
Author:  HT23VWY67 [ Mon Jul 11, 2016 8:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
If she's not understanding, if she's emotionally immature and doesn't understand concepts like performance anxiety, if she let's you go, then accept it and move on.

I think previous posters are all about who has the control. Okay, I agree, don't freak out about it, but you can't control everything. If she breaks up with you over this erection issue, then let her go and find another one more understanding. And if she does make a big deal out of it, or acts colder to you, ask yourself, do you really want to be with a person like that for the rest of your life? If she can't be supportive with this minor issue, is she going to be supportive over bigger issues?
Author:  R.C [ Mon Jul 11, 2016 2:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
Quote:
I think previous posters are all about who has the control. Okay, I agree, don't freak out about it, but you can't control everything. If she breaks up with you over this erection issue, then let her go and find another one more understanding. And if she does make a big deal out of it, or acts colder to you, ask yourself, do you really want to be with a person like that for the rest of your life? If she can't be supportive with this minor issue, is she going to be supportive over bigger issues?
She doesn't owe him any support lol. Be with her for the rest of his life? It's his new gf not his wife.
It has nothing to do with who "has the control" but rather with the attitude you have towards embarrassing or otherwise uncomfortable/difficult moments.

It's like stumbling in public. If you don't make a big deal out of it, neither will everyone else.
Author:  HT23VWY67 [ Mon Jul 11, 2016 4:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
Quote:
She doesn't owe him any support lol. Be with her for the rest of his life? It's his new gf not his wife.
It has nothing to do with who "has the control" but rather with the attitude you have towards embarrassing or otherwise uncomfortable/difficult moments.

It's like stumbling in public. If you don't make a big deal out of it, neither will everyone else.
Girlfriends may become wives.
No, the other posters just gave him a whole spiel about handling it a certain way, aka that's being in control.

It's not about oweing support, it's about offering support which an understanding person may do.

I see that nitpicking on my every response has become a sport on this forum. Have fun with that.
Author:  neo87 [ Mon Jul 11, 2016 5:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
I understand you fucked up with your response...but damn... Your gf should not be saying we won't fuck again. I could understand if she broke up with you because you're not sexually compatible.. But to stay with you and cut off sex is just retarded. That's setting up the relationship for failure. Most likely she just doesn't want to fuck you because of not being turned on by you in general and your reaction. You fucked up but your gf being so quick to shut off the sex is a red flag for how interested and attracted to you she really is.
Author:  Arch Stanton [ Mon Jul 11, 2016 7:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
Whenever that happens, you lead. Just stop fucking and go down on the girl. Act like it's nothing.
Author:  R.C [ Tue Jul 12, 2016 8:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
Quote:
I see that nitpicking on my every response has become a sport on this forum. Have fun with that.
That's because 80% of your posts are palpable in a pink fluffy world where everyone owns a pet unicorn.

In reality things work differently. You can't just say "a gf may become a wife, hence she should be supportive of a guy from the get go."
Are you supportive of every single person you meet without them earning it to some degree?

Besides, OP needs to learn how to treat embarrassing situations. You obviously can't control losing an erection, but you can control how you handle that.
He handled it poorly. You assume his girlfriend responded with indignation, but it's just as possible she was extremely affected herself. She wouldn't be the first nor last to attribute an erection loss on her own "shortcomings".
Since that's unclear, we're focusing on what is - OP's reaction.

You're not doing him any favor by encouraging him to not assume that responsibility as an "otherwise understanding person would've been supportive and he shouldn't want to be with her anyway".
That's kinda like encouraging fat people to keep being fat as the should "be loved as they are".

The purpose of this forum is helping people get better.
Author:  HT23VWY67 [ Tue Jul 12, 2016 11:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
Quote:

The purpose of this forum is helping people get better.
Uh, you just "met" this guy on here and you're trying to help him out already without him earning it like you say? Hm.

You know what a supportive girlfriend would do? "It's okay, we don't have to have sex today. We can take it slow. I really enjoy spending time with you."

Have you ever experienced impotence? Because if you haven't, you sure have a lot to say about it doctor.

Oh, and lastly, I am not the one with issues getting dates. I'm surprised that you are, especially coming from Romania where even the most unattractive Arabs can pick up the hottest of the bunch ;)
Author:  HT23VWY67 [ Tue Jul 12, 2016 11:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How bad did I screw up ?
Quote:
In reality things work differently. You can't just say "a gf may become a wife, hence she should be supportive of a guy from the get go."
Are you supportive of every single person you meet without them earning it to some degree?
He said this is HIS GIRLFRIEND. You don't know whether they've been together for 1 month or 5 months, etc. So yes, a girlfriend or boyfriend implies some form of support. Support can range anywhere from giving a word of sympathy to donating your friggin' left kidney.

Earning it? Hm, well, if they're boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe they've earned each other's support to a degree. Oh, please, please, dissect that for the sake of appearing right.

No, I am not supportive of every single person I meet because guess what? There is a difference between a person you've met 2-3 times and a RELATIONSHIP. Do you get into a relationship with every single girl you date? How about after 3 dates? He specifically states he is in a RELATIONSHIP with his GIRLFRIEND.

Oh, please, please, contradict me for the sake of feeling better about yourself since the Romanian chicks are giving you a hard time.
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