PUA Forum :: How do i get back in her emotional circle

Hi,

Quick summary of my story as i dont want to make a tl;dr post.

My girl has been very distant with me and hasn't really let me into her emotional circle for a while. I caught myself being clingy and needy for attention for a while (the reason to the distant behaviour is probably in the previous sentance) because i feel/felt neglected. Put my foot down, told her how i felt, and changed my mindset to the "To win her you have to be willing to lose her" (or atleast so im learning). How do i thread now if i want her to involve me in her emotional circle again?

Oh yeah, minor detail, this is a LDR.

i feel like nothing can stop us.

You are more invested to this relationship than her. Sorry but both sides should want to fix things. According to my experience, everytime i tried to fix a relationship just myself, it did not work. First be honest to her and ask what is the problem.

First off, LDR's don't work. Distance creates distance.

Secondly, and more importantly, it really should come as no surprise she became distant and cold. You lost your job yet you speak nothing about how you plan to make a better life for yourself. You tell us she's all you had left. So before her what? you had no friends, no hobbies, nothing to bring you joy? Just a job and that's it?

People have this misconception that their partners are supposed to be pillars they can simply lean on when shit gets tough. And from that they transition into an endless pity party where they just bitch and complain yet have no desire to make things better for themselves.

That's not attractive. Especially for women. You're supposed to be a pillar of strength in their life and yet here you are putting the weight of the world on their shoulder.

Getting your life back on track should be your main concern.

, i have a better job now than all my previous jobs and really i'm doing good. I'm a succesful DJ on the side and have loads of friends but something within me changed and i feel like i've grown more mature and away from them in a really short amount of time. Only speak to a hand full still but thats fine. I just was in a bit of a dark place cause everything came in one time. I'm over that though.

but what is a partner if they cant support you every now and then when shit gets tough? Even though its a woman?.. I'm doing great now and i'm having a more serious look on my own life more then ever.

R.C wrote:
First off, LDR's don't work. Distance creates distance.

That's an opinion, they do in fact work you just have to be willing and strong to survive it.

You'll need to detail exactly what's going on in a more specific fashion in that case. Because from your initial post I'm not getting much else other than that she's lost interest.

As in:
How long has the relationship been LD for?
Are you exclusive?
What is the plan? how long is it LD? is this situation going to remedy any time soon?
etc

Quote:

Let me clarify:

I've met her january last year, we chilled for about a week and after that i moved into her house for a little over 2 months. After that we didn't see eachother for about 6 months. Then i brought her over to my hometown for a visit. After that we had a period of about a month or 4 of not seeing eachother. I went back to her this year january and stayed with her till the start of march. We are exclusive, and i'm not really worried she'll cheat cause she does love me and i don't feel like she would do that. She is planning to move within close proximity of me soon, we are looking to make this happen within 6 months. She said: "sorry i've been so busy; the fact that we dont call everyday or that i dont express my love as much doesnt mean i don't love you or that theres something wrong with us. But also this i dont really know what to think about.

As you can see i've got alot to learn lol

I'm just confused and i dont know WHAT to believe (or think) :/ judging by her "words" she loves me (since she said don't worry the fact bla bla), but her "body language" (actions) is (are) telling me theres more (i.e. being very distant and shit).

edit:
by saying: "i dont believe she would do that" or "she loves me" doesn't mean she want to be in a relationship with me. If she cheats on me i would still love her but i wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with her anymore.

Author:	Bobsagget [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 8:38 am ]
Post subject:	How do i get back in her emotional circle
Hi, Girlfriend: Fun, very gutsy but deep inside somewhat insecure maybe. Doesn't give a fuck - really tough and cool. Situation: Met her while i was abroad, dated for 2 and a half months and then we had to split ways cause i was going home. Feelings were too strong to part completely so entered LDR. Went back to her to stay with her for a while and the other way around too. Working hard to be able to be together in a considerable amount of time. Problem: Went there a while back and had a amazing time there with her. Felt like i couldn't get much happier then i was. Lost my job while i was there so when i went home i had nothing. No income, no job, no money, no house to myself and no girl by my side. Got very depressed and sad. She supported me through it but has been very distant with me and i feel like i'm no priority to her at all when we talk. She's always busy and never has any time to just talk or connect nor does she put in the effort to do so. Because of this i got clingy and needy because i felt neglected and i feel like she doesn't really care anymore or something. My Efforts:: After this went on for a while, promising to call and do nothing and hanging up on me mid conversations and shit i put my foot down, got angry and told her how i felt. She got annoyed when i told her but that was gone the next day. I'm going to have to really accept that it just might not work out, although thats very hard because it goes against my feelings. I know i "need to be willing to lose her to get her" and i am practicing that (because once again, i feel like its not something you do just like that). I've been less clingy and i'm a bit more distant myself. Less texts, or contact in general for that matter and i'm turning my body language to be more "I dont really care, i'll live with or without you (however, i CHOOSE to be with you)." How do i thread? I want her to let me in again, and involve me and jolt feelings in her that draws her to me and make her WANT to contact me and talk to me and shit. I read alot of posts, but its hard to translate it all back to my situation cause i'm in a LDR. Anyway, thanks alot in advance.

Author:	dicemaster [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 9:08 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
Quote: Hi, Quick summary of my story as i dont want to make a tl;dr post. My girl has been very distant with me and hasn't really let me into her emotional circle for a while. I caught myself being clingy and needy for attention for a while (the reason to the distant behaviour is probably in the previous sentance) because i feel/felt neglected. Put my foot down, told her how i felt, and changed my mindset to the "To win her you have to be willing to lose her" (or atleast so im learning). How do i thread now if i want her to involve me in her emotional circle again? Oh yeah, minor detail, this is a LDR. U need strong push/pull game on her. To be honest after this point it is hard to fix things. From the other perspective, it is always easer to find new chick than fix a broken relationship. Best you can do is, learn from your mistakes and do not repeat them in next.

Author:	Bobsagget [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 9:10 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
Updated post, maybe more insightful. And i am willing to try because i think its worth it and i'm curious as to find out what this relationship might be or turn out to be when we actually get to be together, cause when we are - i feel like nothing can stop us.

Author:	dicemaster [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 9:31 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
Quote: i feel like nothing can stop us. This sentence actually explains everything. You are more invested to this relationship than her. Sorry but both sides should want to fix things. According to my experience, everytime i tried to fix a relationship just myself, it did not work. First be honest to her and ask what is the problem. Then ask do you wanna fix it? If yes, then make plan. If no, find another chick.

Author:	R.C [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 9:50 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
First off, LDR's don't work. Distance creates distance. Secondly, and more importantly, it really should come as no surprise she became distant and cold. You lost your job yet you speak nothing about how you plan to make a better life for yourself. You tell us she's all you had left. So before her what? you had no friends, no hobbies, nothing to bring you joy? Just a job and that's it? People have this misconception that their partners are supposed to be pillars they can simply lean on when shit gets tough. And from that they transition into an endless pity party where they just bitch and complain yet have no desire to make things better for themselves. That's not attractive. Especially for women. You're supposed to be a pillar of strength in their life and yet here you are putting the weight of the world on their shoulder. Getting your life back on track should be your main concern.

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Author:	Bobsagget [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 10:06 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
Quote: You are more invested to this relationship than her. Sorry but both sides should want to fix things. According to my experience, everytime i tried to fix a relationship just myself, it did not work. First be honest to her and ask what is the problem. I hear that, but she might even be thinking that everything is fine. Theres a big chance that it might be all in my head. If so, then i'm looking to fix stuff in our relationship thats not there. Instead, i would have to fix my own thoughts. Need some advice here. Also, I said "I feel", but i mean "We feel" She does the same. Quote: First off, LDR's don't work. Distance creates distance. That's an opinion, they do in fact work you just have to be willing and strong to survive it. Quote: Secondly, and more importantly, it really should come as no surprise she became distant and cold. You lost your job yet you speak nothing about how you plan to make a better life for yourself. You tell us she's all you had left. So before her what? you had no friends, no hobbies, nothing to bring you joy? Just a job and that's it? I am and i did, i have a better job now than all my previous jobs and really i'm doing good. I'm a succesful DJ on the side and have loads of friends but something within me changed and i feel like i've grown more mature and away from them in a really short amount of time. Only speak to a hand full still but thats fine. I just was in a bit of a dark place cause everything came in one time. I'm over that though. Quote: People have this misconception that their partners are supposed to be pillars they can simply lean on when shit gets tough. And from that they transition into an endless pity party where they just bitch and complain yet have no desire to make things better for themselves. That's not attractive. Especially for women. You're supposed to be a pillar of strength in their life and yet here you are putting the weight of the world on their shoulder. Getting your life back on track should be your main concern. This is true, and i should maybe have acted a bit more on myself, (but i guess we learn every day,) but what is a partner if they cant support you every now and then when shit gets tough? Even though its a woman?.. I'm doing great now and i'm having a more serious look on my own life more then ever.

Author:	dicemaster [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 10:36 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
[/quote] This is true, and i should maybe have acted a bit more on myself, (but i guess we learn every day,) but what is a partner if they cant support you every now and then when shit gets tough? Even though its a woman?.. I'm doing great now and i'm having a more serious look on my own life more then ever.[/quote] Hahahaha it is not a reality, if you fall once, everybody kicks. You should not think like that. You need to be solid in every area of life cuz everthing is related each other, one of them sucks, it effects everything. So in your life, your first priority must be you. Fuck that remember POF.

Author:	R.C [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 10:51 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
Quote: , i have a better job now than all my previous jobs and really i'm doing good. I'm a succesful DJ on the side and have loads of friends but something within me changed and i feel like i've grown more mature and away from them in a really short amount of time. Only speak to a hand full still but thats fine. I just was in a bit of a dark place cause everything came in one time. I'm over that though. That's good. You worded it very differently in your first post though. Quote: but what is a partner if they cant support you every now and then when shit gets tough? Even though its a woman?.. I'm doing great now and i'm having a more serious look on my own life more then ever. Like I said, common misconception. Support doesn't mean them having to carry your baggage around. It means supporting you with a life decision, career path, or otherwise boosting already present substance. Support doesn't mean them having to fix your life for you. There's a difference between venting and bitching. And it's all in the attitude. One is done with a "challenge accepted" kind of mentality while the other is a "I'm oh so helpless" vibe. It really should be obvious why the latter sucks the life out of your partner. Quote: R.C wrote: First off, LDR's don't work. Distance creates distance. That's an opinion, they do in fact work you just have to be willing and strong to survive it. It's not an opinion. It's a fact. The only way it "works" is if the whole long distance part is (very) short term. But feel free to find that out on your own. You wouldn't be the first.

Author:	Bobsagget [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 11:37 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
Thanks for the insightful answers, really appreciate it. I'm doing fine, however my question remains though. How should i thread? What's the best thing to do? Give her that feeling that i don't need her? Like whats the best thing to do here. And don't give me "end the relationship" cause i'm not going to do that. There's not little enough to do that already.

Author:	R.C [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 12:11 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
You'll need to detail exactly what's going on in a more specific fashion in that case. Because from your initial post I'm not getting much else other than that she's lost interest. As in: How long has the relationship been LD for? Are you exclusive? What is the plan? how long is it LD? is this situation going to remedy any time soon? etc

Author:	Bobsagget [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 2:19 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
Quote: You'll need to detail exactly what's going on in a more specific fashion in that case. Because from your initial post I'm not getting much else other than that she's lost interest. As in: How long has the relationship been LD for? Are you exclusive? What is the plan? how long is it LD? is this situation going to remedy any time soon? etc Let me clarify: I've met her january last year, we chilled for about a week and after that i moved into her house for a little over 2 months. After that we didn't see eachother for about 6 months. Then i brought her over to my hometown for a visit. After that we had a period of about a month or 4 of not seeing eachother. I went back to her this year january and stayed with her till the start of march. We are exclusive, and i'm not really worried she'll cheat cause she does love me and i don't feel like she would do that. She is planning to move within close proximity of me soon, we are looking to make this happen within 6 months. She said: "sorry i've been so busy; the fact that we dont call everyday or that i dont express my love as much doesnt mean i don't love you or that theres something wrong with us. But also this i dont really know what to think about. As you can see i've got alot to learn lol

Author:	dicemaster [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 2:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
Quote: Quote: You'll need to detail exactly what's going on in a more specific fashion in that case. Because from your initial post I'm not getting much else other than that she's lost interest. As in: How long has the relationship been LD for? Are you exclusive? What is the plan? how long is it LD? is this situation going to remedy any time soon? etc Let me clarify: I've met her january last year, we chilled for about a week and after that i moved into her house for a little over 2 months. After that we didn't see eachother for about 6 months. Then i brought her over to my hometown for a visit. After that we had a period of about a month or 4 of not seeing eachother. I went back to her this year january and stayed with her till the start of march. We are exclusive, and i'm not really worried she'll cheat cause she does love me and i don't feel like she would do that. She is planning to move within close proximity of me soon, we are looking to make this happen within 6 months. She said: "sorry i've been so busy; the fact that we dont call everyday or that i dont express my love as much doesnt mean i don't love you or that theres something wrong with us. But also this i dont really know what to think about. As you can see i've got alot to learn lol Holy fuckin EVOLUTION. Man u created this topic, do not try to fuck us, if u could believe your gf, u should not create this topic. Take a look at your to your first post and to the last one, jeeeez u r fuckin kidding that is what i believe.

Author:	Bobsagget [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 3:09 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
I'm just confused and i dont know WHAT to believe (or think) :/ judging by her "words" she loves me (since she said don't worry the fact bla bla), but her "body language" (actions) is (are) telling me theres more (i.e. being very distant and shit). edit: by saying: "i dont believe she would do that" or "she loves me" doesn't mean she want to be in a relationship with me. If she cheats on me i would still love her but i wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with her anymore.

Author:	dicemaster [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 3:51 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
Quote: I'm just confused and i dont know WHAT to believe (or think) :/ judging by her "words" she loves me (since she said don't worry the fact bla bla), but her "body language" (actions) is (are) telling me theres more (i.e. being very distant and shit). edit: by saying: "i dont believe she would do that" or "she loves me" doesn't mean she want to be in a relationship with me. If she cheats on me i would still love her but i wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with her anymore. Mindfuck.

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Author:	Bobsagget [ Wed Apr 13, 2016 4:01 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How do i get back in her emotional circle
I know.. I am confusing, sorry. I sometimes confuse myself too. This is kind of the general feeling I have lol.