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When to re-initiate contact?
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=196663		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  IMan6 [ Mon Apr 11, 2016 11:41 pm ]
Post subject:  When to re-initiate contact?
Hello guys, I am thankful of all the amazing gaming insight y'all have contributed to the forum. My question is a tricky one. I have been in a relationship with a HB8 for 3 months now, we have dated for close to 7. Initially, I would see her often, but do to her work and the new company in which she works, that has been reduced to the point where sometimes I don't see her for a week or 2. Recently, I texted her to ask her to go out, but she explained to me that she is in deep trouble in her life right now, that she would get back to me as soon as she were capable. So I told her to take her time, that it was fine (that was a week ago) and have not texted her ever since. I am not too happy with the relationship at the moment due to the fact that I rarely see her now, and want to know if she can accommodate for meeting more often. I am a busy man and still I find time to meet with the ppl I care for and she is well aware other women are chasing me because she has seen it multiple times. I would rather talk to her than tell her via text, but I don't know how long she will need to solve whatever problems she has and I want to break up with her before I make a move on another chick if this can't be saved. Should I maintain no contact until she gets back to me, should I call her on it, or should I invite her to do something? I always have stuff going on an go out very often.
Thanks for the insight.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Mon Apr 11, 2016 11:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: When to re-initiate contact?
Dated for 7 months, been together the past 3, her being consumed with other things?

I don't think this person is meeting any of your needs, apart from you feeling anxious about the distance and pace of things. She's really not obligated to you, and the fact that it's been over a week (after you'd intiated her) that you've received any contact.

"I am really looking to connect more often with you, lately I've been feeling frustrated in that this need of mine isn't being met." ask her to repeat what you'd said so she's not HEARING it any other way and you have a chance to clarify particularly if she's hearing a demand. The clearer the better, so if its more quality time you're asking for then ask for it. At least if she doesn't want to meet you half way you can have your resolution and put your energies into someone that will meet your need.

The "deep trouble" part I feel sketchy about simply because (for me anyway) its the tough times I want to be part of as much as the 'good'. And I have a thing about women being cryptic, you've known each other a while so this vague talk would leave me a bit wanting for clarity/explanation.

It's always good to be honest in your intentions. You can tell her you're looking for more commitment and what that looks like, but honestly her behavior makes it evident that for whatever reason she's not wanting anything too involved.

The question is, what is it exactly you're hoping for?
Author:  IMan6 [ Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: When to re-initiate contact?
Thanks, your advice is to the point and really heart-felt. What i want is for her to recognize that I am letting a lot of options go just so I can be there for her. I don't feel like her actions reflect the appreciation I would expect from someone who understand what I believe myself to be worth. If she can work with me I am willing to stay. I did not ask her about what was it that she is fixing in her life because i did not want to seem to eager and wanted to give her time if that's what she needed. Should I text her what you suggested ir should i wait for her to initiate contact and then try to meet with her to tell her ny needs are not being met?
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: When to re-initiate contact?
Quote:
Thanks, your advice is to the point and really heart-felt. What i want is for her to recognize that I am letting a lot of options go just so I can be there for her. I don't feel like her actions reflect the appreciation I would expect from someone who understand what I believe myself to be worth. If she can work with me I am willing to stay. I did not ask her about what was it that she is fixing in her life because i did not want to seem to eager and wanted to give her time if that's what she needed. Should I text her what you suggested ir should i wait for her to initiate contact and then try to meet with her to tell her ny needs are not being met?
Tell her your intentions are to spend more quality time together, the two of you can determine how to go about doing that. If she's giving more excuses not to, then you have your answer and have saved yourself from wasting more of your time.

It looks as though you're putting her needs above your own (e.g. "did not ask about what she was fixing ... did not want to seem too eager), which isn't her fault; you're pussy footing around things however.

Why wait, initiate. You're ambivalent to contact because you want her to make the first move, but to me that sounds more like looking to her to make the decisions. This is about your NEEDS, are they not important? Or would you rather shelve them for a more 'appropriate' time to bring them up?

Your unmet needs for connection are intimacy and companionship as well as mutuality but if you can't convey that to someone you're pursuing a relationship with, then you might as well learn to become a nice dead person (someone without needs).
Author:  IMan6 [ Tue Apr 12, 2016 12:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: When to re-initiate contact?
You are right, I will send her a text and convey very clearly what I need in an approachable way. I feel I'll feel better either way, whether we work it out or if we must end it.
Author:  R.C [ Tue Apr 12, 2016 5:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: When to re-initiate contact?
N2 is correct about you having to express yourself properly, but he's being overly optimistic here.

Like Dragula used to say, an interested woman will find 25 hours in a day to meet you. These are excuses, and quite paper thin mind you. You're telling me she can't get together even over the weekend? Please..

She's pretty much lost interest. And she'll be avoiding you more and more often. This new job is simply the out she needed.

Sorry, I know it sucks to hear this, but you should consider ending it.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Tue Apr 12, 2016 5:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: When to re-initiate contact?
Quote:
N2 is correct about you having to express yourself properly, but he's being overly optimistic here.

Like Dragula used to say, an interested woman will find 25 hours in a day to meet you. These are excuses, and quite paper thin mind you. You're telling me she can't get together even over the weekend? Please..

She's pretty much lost interest. And she'll be avoiding you more and more often. This new job is simply the out she needed.

Sorry, I know it sucks to hear this, but you should consider ending it.
Not optimistic at all, he's simply got nothing to lose by giving that a shot.
Author:  R.C [ Tue Apr 12, 2016 7:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: When to re-initiate contact?
Quote:
Not optimistic at all, he's simply got nothing to lose by giving that a shot.
It takes little strength to move on when you've virtually "tried it all". It shouldn't come to that in the first place.

In my opinion you don't have to kick the dead dog one last time because just maybe. I think personal growth comes from walking away when it's time, not when you're out of options.
Author:  groovy_boy [ Tue Apr 12, 2016 3:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: When to re-initiate contact?
Quote:
Recently, I texted her to ask her to go out, but she explained to me that she is in deep trouble in her life right now, that she would get back to me as soon as she were capable.
Secretive and the "Get back as soon as capable": BIG RED FLAG. Unspecified and vague time period.
Quote:
So I told her to take her time, that it was fine (that was a week ago) and have not texted her ever since.
OP told her to take her time and that it was fine. This statement is likely to be used against him when he starts the discussion about ending the relationship. If the girl doesn't have any options, she will try to keep him even if she is not that interested.

So that is one week without any contact? Then whenever she remembers to re-initiate does that give her the right to continue again from the exact same point where you left, just as simply like pressing the pause button on a media player? It does not work this way. If she was interested she would have sent any message to you within this ONE WHOLE WEEK in this supposedly relationship.

My feeling is that even if you talk to her about how you feel and even if she re-assures you with words that she will put an effort down the line, at the end of the day she is not that interested anymore, she is not willing to do as she promises and you are probably wasting your time. Just my 2 cents.
Author:  neo87 [ Tue Apr 12, 2016 4:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: When to re-initiate contact?
Op... Why did you guys date for 4 months before going official? Seems a bit long from the typical posts here
Author:  IMan6 [ Tue Apr 12, 2016 11:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: When to re-initiate contact?
Yes, the reason was that I was dating multiple women along with her. After 4 months of going out with her, I decided I liked her enough to have something serious; took me a while to decide whether I liked her enough and if it was worth leaving the others for her.
Author:  neo87 [ Tue Apr 12, 2016 11:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: When to re-initiate contact?
Was it the right choice?
Author:  IMan6 [ Tue Apr 12, 2016 11:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: When to re-initiate contact?
At the time it was. It's harder to answer that question considering this situation that I'm in. I took the advise and told her we need to talk about something that's important to me.
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