PUA Forum :: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate

* Been dating a girl since xmas who is from another country and lives there.
* Met her abroad on an app in that country. im 37, she's 32.
* Grew to like each other very quickly. Love on both sides
* Flew her over here for 10 days to meet family.
* I flew there to meet hers since then
* Seen each other 20 days in total. speak every night for hours on video chat
* Great girl, very genuine, loving, warm, decent, the right principles etc.
* One or two little arguments, marginal difference in bedroom tastes, but we get on very well
* Wanted her to move, something she has been exploring in her mind
* Previously divorced so she's had a bit of life experience
* Did have one little argument last week and had a go at her about something. She's not been 100% since.
* She Broke the news to me yesterday with tears in her eyes that she can't move
* Attachment to family (brother died, sister lives a bit far from family), worried about losing all if it didn't work out
* Im gutted, asked if she's 'unsure' or 'sure' about not being able to come. she says mind made up.
* Says that argument wouldn't matter if I lived in same country. Just puts a small extra elemant of doubt in her mind.
* Tears in her eyes and not wanting to cut contact with me. I kind of said goodbye politely and then hung up
* She's been trying to contact me, I've been a bit aloof. This all happened yesterday.
* Would really like to live with her and give it a try.

Any ideas?

Author:	cunning_stunt [ Wed Mar 02, 2016 8:20 am ]
Post subject:	Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
* Been dating a girl since xmas who is from another country and lives there. * Met her abroad on an app in that country. im 37, she's 32. * Grew to like each other very quickly. Love on both sides * Flew her over here for 10 days to meet family. * I flew there to meet hers since then * Seen each other 20 days in total. speak every night for hours on video chat * Great girl, very genuine, loving, warm, decent, the right principles etc. * One or two little arguments, marginal difference in bedroom tastes, but we get on very well * Wanted her to move, something she has been exploring in her mind * Previously divorced so she's had a bit of life experience * Did have one little argument last week and had a go at her about something. She's not been 100% since. * She Broke the news to me yesterday with tears in her eyes that she can't move * Attachment to family (brother died, sister lives a bit far from family), worried about losing all if it didn't work out * Im gutted, asked if she's 'unsure' or 'sure' about not being able to come. she says mind made up. * Says that argument wouldn't matter if I lived in same country. Just puts a small extra elemant of doubt in her mind. * Tears in her eyes and not wanting to cut contact with me. I kind of said goodbye politely and then hung up * She's been trying to contact me, I've been a bit aloof. This all happened yesterday. * Would really like to live with her and give it a try. Any ideas?

Author:	n2thevoid [ Wed Mar 02, 2016 8:30 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
"Says that argument wouldn't matter if I lived in same country. Just puts a small extra elemant of doubt in her mind." Can you elaborate on this a bit?

Author:	JackZero [ Wed Mar 02, 2016 8:33 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
So just a little over two months and you're trying to get her to relocate. Too early to start talking love. Too far to really know the real her.

Author:	cunning_stunt [ Wed Mar 02, 2016 11:33 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
thanks guys.. "Says that argument wouldn't matter if I lived in same country. Just puts a small extra elemant of doubt in her mind." Can you elaborate on this a bit?" - She has a bit of an unhealthy obsession with some junk food and makes a big fuss when she sees it. Taking pictures if it looks good, going on about it. She started going on about it and I snapped a little and told her to stop bloody well going on about it. Think she was a bit shocked. I apologised and said we could eat all the junk food in the world when she comes back over. I think it might be related to the death of someone in her family as she started the binge when they died. "So just a little over two months and you're trying to get her to relocate. Too early to start talking love. Too far to really know the real her. " - I don't want her to make the decision now. I am happy just to go back and forth for a while until she feels ready. She knows this. Originally when she was in London first time she felt there was pressure but I told her there wasn't. She was actually asking me about the types of jobs she could get if she came here. She had obviously been thinking it over/talking to people and just felt to say it now. Again, she has messaged this morning wanting to video chat with me tonight to talk it over.

Author:	Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Mar 02, 2016 5:58 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
Push, push, push. Bro your tripping your own feet. You’ve likely heard it before, A confused mind always says no. If you think you might be confusing her, you are helping her say ‘no’ to moving in with you. As stated above, your insistent way early. Quote: I am happy just to go back and forth for a while until she feels ready. Then why even bring it up? Wouldn't it be more fun to peek at her titties on that video chat then her gross cry face?

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Author:	ChocolatePUA [ Wed Mar 02, 2016 7:06 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
Quote: * Been dating a girl since xmas who is from another country and lives there. * Met her abroad on an app in that country. im 37, she's 32. * Grew to like each other very quickly. Love on both sides * Flew her over here for 10 days to meet family. * I flew there to meet hers since then * Seen each other 20 days in total. speak every night for hours on video chat * Great girl, very genuine, loving, warm, decent, the right principles etc. * One or two little arguments, marginal difference in bedroom tastes, but we get on very well * Wanted her to move, something she has been exploring in her mind * Previously divorced so she's had a bit of life experience * Did have one little argument last week and had a go at her about something. She's not been 100% since. * She Broke the news to me yesterday with tears in her eyes that she can't move * Attachment to family (brother died, sister lives a bit far from family), worried about losing all if it didn't work out * Im gutted, asked if she's 'unsure' or 'sure' about not being able to come. she says mind made up. * Says that argument wouldn't matter if I lived in same country. Just puts a small extra elemant of doubt in her mind. * Tears in her eyes and not wanting to cut contact with me. I kind of said goodbye politely and then hung up * She's been trying to contact me, I've been a bit aloof. This all happened yesterday. * Would really like to live with her and give it a try. Any ideas? Two months is waaaaay too early to be seeking confirmation of her uprooting her life and moving to another country. Moving is a BIG decision, and you're really pushing too much. Tone it down, continue the relationship for a while longer, and see if your feelings are still the same a few months from now.

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Mar 02, 2016 8:37 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
Unrelated but this is an obese woman?

Author:	n2thevoid [ Wed Mar 02, 2016 10:07 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
Quote: Unrelated but this is an obese woman? lol

Author:	cunning_stunt [ Thu Mar 03, 2016 8:14 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
Guys, just to clarify again - I'm not at this point trying to get her to re-locate. It's far too early, I agree with that. She is coming over each time to see me and get a feel for the place to see if it is something she would like to do/live. She is putting pressure on herself very early at this time and decided (without me asking) that she couldnt do it. If I was 22, everything would be fine. Im 37, so I'm afraid there is a little bit pf pressure not to waste too much time. I have said to her not think about it at the moment, and just enjoy our time. Incidentally, we spoke yesterday as she was trying to reach me and she has taken a bit of a U-turn and told me that she really misses me and wants to be with me so will keep the relationship going. Her reasons for not wanting to move are valid. She is divorced already, her parents and are stable career are there and we have only known each other for 2 months. Again, I have said to her just relax, enjoy our time and if it feel right to move when ready, then we can discuss. Not sure if I'm wasting my time or anything.

Author:	JackZero [ Thu Mar 03, 2016 8:22 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
What are you asking OP?

Author:	cunning_stunt [ Thu Mar 03, 2016 10:00 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
I think I am asking for general advice on the matter. What would you do in my shoes.. does it sound like I'm on a hiding to nothing or should I keep the faith?

Author:	ChocolatePUA [ Thu Mar 03, 2016 6:40 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
Quote: I think I am asking for general advice on the matter. What would you do in my shoes.. does it sound like I'm on a hiding to nothing or should I keep the faith? I'm not sure any one of us can answer that question. Especially with such a "new" relationship and you having only spent a few weeks total together. Best I can say is, IF so far she is close to your ideal, give it another 6 months at the very least before pushing the moving angle again. That will give you more time to properly evaluate the relationship and whether or not she's worth it.

Author:	neo87 [ Thu Mar 03, 2016 6:44 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
Quote: Quote: I think I am asking for general advice on the matter. What would you do in my shoes.. does it sound like I'm on a hiding to nothing or should I keep the faith? I'm not sure any one of us can answer that question. Especially with such a "new" relationship and you having only spent a few weeks total together. Best I can say is, IF so far she is close to your ideal, give it another 6 months at the very least before pushing the moving angle again. That will give you more time to properly evaluate the relationship and whether or not she's worth it. I agree with this but I'll also say that even a great 6 months would be too soon for someone to move. She may do it.. But it's still too soon long distance. This is the problem with STARTING long distance. One of you is going to have to take a huge leap of faith and move before you know it's worth it.

Author:	cunning_stunt [ Fri Mar 04, 2016 8:32 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
Appreciate the replies. Yeah I think it's too soon too. She is putting alot of pressure on herself and far too early. She is very into me, it's leaving the country that is the problem. I think we just need to give it time as mentioned and try to get her comfortable with the UK.

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Author:	cunning_stunt [ Sat Mar 19, 2016 8:22 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Overseas GF. Said she can't relocate
Hi Guys.. So this is where I am up to now.. (recap of beginning of convo as written previously)... * Flew her over here for 10 days to meet family. * I flew there to meet hers since then * Seen each other 20 days in total. speak every night for hours on video chat * Great girl, very genuine, loving, warm, decent, the right principles etc. * One or two little arguments, marginal difference in bedroom tastes, but we get on very well * Wanted her to move, something she has been exploring in her mind * Previously divorced so she's had a bit of life experience * Did have one little argument last week and had a go at her about something. She's not been 100% since. * She Broke the news to me yesterday with tears in her eyes that she can't move * Attachment to family (brother died, sister lives a bit far from family), worried about losing all if it didn't work out * Im gutted, asked if she's 'unsure' or 'sure' about not being able to come. she says mind made up. * Says that argument wouldn't matter if I lived in same country. Just puts a small extra elemant of doubt in her mind. * Tears in her eyes and not wanting to cut contact with me. I kind of said goodbye politely and then hung up * She's been trying to contact me, I've been a bit aloof. This all happened yesterday. * Would really like to live with her and give it a try. (end of old bit)... Story continues as follows.. * We spoke again that next day and she said she wanted to give it another chance. Said 'I cant see myself moving to another country, but I do love you and want to give it a chance' * I emotionally accepted. Had booked a flight over on 23rd of this month for my birthday and all still going ahead. * 4 days later her mum is rushed to hospital. Slipped every disc in back and can't do anything herself without the girl taking care of her * Next day, the inevitable comes and she says its unlikely she will be able to fly over on 23rd (3 weeks away) and thinks she can't leave country for forseeable future. * Was a bit like we split up again, still texting me and her telling me its hard for her. We continued to text in a very close manner like we missed each other and still wanted to be together. She still calls me 'baby' lol. * Carried on texting but I got back on dating apps end of last week. Then on Monday I come across her on the apps. * I approached it with her. Eventually admitted to 'swiping' but said she is finding it hard with me on her mind and has not been on any dates. * I said I dont feel we can keep talking if you dont think we have a chance.. she kind of agreed and said 'it was the right thing to do' but seemed sad about it. Asked her again if she would come over and be with me, start a family. She responds its not about whether she wants to or not its about not being able to leave the country. I dont want to put pressure on her at this early stage (and I said previously I would wait months) but I feel its important to let her know I'm serious and would do alot for her. So this is the confusing part... * I asked her if she would come and visit me a bit more to make that decision about living here. * She said she would but only when her mum gets better (fuck knows when that's going to be although she is due for an operation soon (awaiting date). * She then follows it up with a text that says 'and I wont hold u like that' and then 'when I know i can come for a visit i'll check with u n if you want I'll come' * We spoke on video chat, she was finding it difficult as was I (or at least I think she was). I asked her a question (which is also based on seeing her on the app).. 'What would you do in my position'. Her response 'keep looking, but keep the door open for us'. * I didnt know how to respond. * That was Monday, we have had no contact since. It's the 19th and the flight is in 4 days, which I havent yet cancelled or re-arranged. I dont know what she is really thinking. Is it a case of her mainly losing interest but enjoying the talk/wanting the attention? does she still like me but genuinely feel its the distance and one day its a possiblity? Should I do anything now about her coming over, message her something? Appreciate there is a lot of little detail and another case of guy otherthinking, but I'm in my late 30's and this is the first girl who I met in years that I could settle down with who was also very keen on me.