PUA Forum :: relationships and my current situation

Generally speaking, Is it advisable to avoid a relationship/dating when one is recovering from some unfortunate life events. (I get a lot of attention from attractive women for various reasons, but I'm not particularly in a good place in my life with many things) However, I also think perhaps I should try and see if it's possible. having a relationship based on non-superficial things, is what everyone wants. I also know that women like guys who they feel they can respect.

My setbacks and current situation is kind unique and I've lost a lot of money, rare successes and opportunitiess. I was never so insecure about my life until my ex-girl friend, made "mean-spirited" remarks about my family relationship or lack there of and current life situation. she used it as a justification to cheat and use me as a sort of hold over. I'm not that sensitive, but even my friends found her remarks to be immature, "mean-spirited", and ignorant given that I'm not in the wrong or deserved these situations.

I would appreciate people's thoughts

Author:	felipe89 [ Fri Jan 29, 2016 4:26 am ]
Post subject:	relationships and my current situation
Generally speaking, Is it advisable to avoid a relationship/dating when one is recovering from some unfortunate life events. (I get a lot of attention from attractive women for various reasons, but I'm not particularly in a good place in my life with many things) However, I also think perhaps I should try and see if it's possible. having a relationship based on non-superficial things, is what everyone wants. I also know that women like guys who they feel they can respect. My setbacks and current situation is kind unique and I've lost a lot of money, rare successes and opportunitiess. I was never so insecure about my life until my ex-girl friend, made "mean-spirited" remarks about my family relationship or lack there of and current life situation. she used it as a justification to cheat and use me as a sort of hold over. I'm not that sensitive, but even my friends found her remarks to be immature, "mean-spirited", and ignorant given that I'm not in the wrong or deserved these situations. I would appreciate people's thoughts

Author:	oceanx [ Fri Jan 29, 2016 10:08 am ]
Post subject:	Re: relationships and my current situation
She is an immature individual and it is good to not have her around any more. You are unlimited, you have infinite possibilities, and you are valuable. I believe in you. If no one else does, know that I do.

Author:	luvmiddleage [ Fri Jan 29, 2016 2:30 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: relationships and my current situation
You're always greater than your current situation. If she can't see that, you don't want her. There are millions of women around you. Work on your life and find your greater greatness.

Author:	Heywood Jablowme [ Fri Jan 29, 2016 6:37 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: relationships and my current situation
Women that do stupid slutty shit, tend to justify themselves into. or out of any situation they see fit. You could catch her red handed getting ass railed by an escaped convict, and she'd put it on you "I read in Cosmo It's good for your lower digestive tract, and I didn't want to bother you." She's just whitewashing her slutty actions transferring responsibility. "Not her fault-yours." I'd go fuck her sister.

Author:	masterm1ne [ Fri Jan 29, 2016 7:03 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: relationships and my current situation
I have often thought what would happen if a person close to me called me a child rapist, women murderer, drug dealer, and that I should die a slow death by drowning. Would that make it true and mean that I'm worthless and that I should stop trying to be the best person I can?

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Author:	Karlb [ Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:13 am ]
Post subject:	Re: relationships and my current situation
The ex sucks. Screw her. If you don't feel ready to date then be friends with the women who come into your life. They'll enrich your life and by being around them you'll appreciate their friendships and see what really matters. Maybe your recent problems are a bit of a block on you and success is the best way to get back to where you were. If this is the case, concentrate on getting to where you want to be.

Author:	felipe89 [ Wed Feb 03, 2016 3:52 am ]
Post subject:	Re: relationships and my current situation
specifically What I'm wondering is how do I explain life complications to women? I don't feel like it's anyone's business as it's personal or how do screen women early on so I know their values... So I'm not wasting my time..I get lot's attention, I don't have the time to date different chicks..it's not like I'm trying to get married but I'm trying to avoid repeating a previous relationship with a woman who one min told me how much she cared about me and how she has feelings(((I don't inquire;I take it slow)) and then when I'm neither fun or charming and tell her busy,,,she states "my family is to screwed up for anyone to take me seriously in a relationship(followed by laughing)) I'm currently trying to refocus on my life and make up for setbacks the back story to that specific relationship can be found at relationships/topic190854.html if anyone is looking to waste their time jk I mean get a better idea

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Feb 03, 2016 4:32 am ]
Post subject:	Re: relationships and my current situation
Dating and relationships require your time, energy and resources. If you're going through some stuff, you have to think hard about what your priority is right now and the near future. Maybe you need to just focus on getting your life sorted out and can't provide energy to getting laid or dating or a relationship. That's fine. Do some self assesment and figure out where women fit into your goals and priorities. If you are going to pursue a relationship, same general philosophy applies as with most people's relationships despite your situation. Personally, I wont choose a chick for a rs who isnt supportive and shares the same values. Don't try to force a relationship from a shallow chick. From your other thread, this chick was shallow and superficial from the beginning...no idea why you'd take someone like her seriously. I know chicks who are great, but shallow and non supportive. I keep them as fwbs. They arent gf material despite how well we get along or whatever. If you're going to look for a relationship, dont choose the girls who play games. Don't choose the girls who like you because other chicks want you. Don't choose the chicks who arent emotionally stable. I can't even be hard on the woman for her actions here. In most cases, guys go after the shallow hot chick, use shallow things to impress her and build attraction, then act surprised when she's shallow. You used your status and event invites to get her. When that crumbles, expect whatever relationship to crumble as well. Next time, lead with being yourself and just choose better with respect to who you take seriously.

Author:	felipe89 [ Wed Feb 03, 2016 6:03 am ]
Post subject:	Re: relationships and my current situation
I didn't use status or benefits to impress her. I was honest on who I was....... she turned out to be a total Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde But In hindsight I should have considered warning signs.... And she definitely was NOT a good fit(values, interests) [how do you phrase question on someones values without making it too serious or lame?] My understanding is one should date more than one woman to be able to make good judgements...

Author:	n2thevoid [ Thu Feb 04, 2016 9:53 am ]
Post subject:	Re: relationships and my current situation
Shame. For you to feel shame you have to believe in it a bit. Difference between shame and guilt is that shame says something intrinsic about you, a trait if-you-will, whereas guilt is taking fault with the behavior. Figure out what the 'true' part is for you and work from there. A golden opportunity to do some work and remove some obstacles that may be impeding you.

Author:	M_Ellis [ Sat Feb 06, 2016 12:17 am ]
Post subject:	Re: relationships and my current situation
Quote: Generally speaking, Is it advisable to avoid a relationship/dating when one is recovering from some unfortunate life events. (I get a lot of attention from attractive women for various reasons, but I'm not particularly in a good place in my life with many things) However, I also think perhaps I should try and see if it's possible. having a relationship based on non-superficial things, is what everyone wants. I also know that women like guys who they feel they can respect. My setbacks and current situation is kind unique and I've lost a lot of money, rare successes and opportunitiess. I was never so insecure about my life until my ex-girl friend, made "mean-spirited" remarks about my family relationship or lack there of and current life situation. she used it as a justification to cheat and use me as a sort of hold over. I'm not that sensitive, but even my friends found her remarks to be immature, "mean-spirited", and ignorant given that I'm not in the wrong or deserved these situations. I would appreciate people's thoughts Dude, you need to re-evaluate your life and what is truly important. Don't mean to be judgmental but you sound like someone who has developed their persona based upon superficial things like material wealth and status. Problem with that is that those things can come and go, which begs the question: where does that leave you as a person? The good news is that your "poor" is probably still better than the overwhelming majority of the population. I'd recommend taking a step back from your day-to-day (using what resources you have left) and try to figure out who you are as a person. Read a couple novels, travel, seek spiritual enrichment (I began studying Buddhism) and see what you come up with. Even if it yields more questions than answers, you'll be better centered, CONFIDENT and wiser....which leads to getting better quality of women...and not gold-digging, superficial, immature, Brazilian whores. Namaste Motherfucker!

Author:	felipe89 [ Sun Feb 07, 2016 5:31 am ]
Post subject:	Re: relationships and my current situation
I'm not superficial. as someone who has made my success on my own and has lost a lot of opportunities and and a parent on Christmas Day, besides material things, I know life is [fickle]....And ironically this woman claimed to be buhdist... I am focusing on myself and narrowing my focus on important things temporarily.... What I'm unsure on is while I'm not seeking out dates or relationships, should I rule out the option?... I just feel like beyond initial attraction im cynical anything can happen... Maybe I'm meeting the wrong kind of women...

Author:	n2thevoid [ Sun Feb 07, 2016 5:39 am ]
Post subject:	Re: relationships and my current situation
Quote: I'm not superficial. as someone who has made my success on my own and has lost a lot of opportunities and and a parent on Christmas Day, besides material things, I know life is [fickle]....And ironically this woman claimed to be buhdist... I am focusing on myself and narrowing my focus on important things temporarily.... What I'm unsure on is while I'm not seeking out dates or relationships, should I rule out the option?... I just feel like beyond initial attraction im cynical anything can happen... Maybe I'm meeting the wrong kind of women... Life is neither fair, nor unfair. Nor is it 'good' or 'bad'. These are just judgments our egos use to dichotomize things into neat little categories. The truth is life is whatever you make it to be, and if you adhere to such labels than it shall be. Our mind's our powerful defining machines, they create our own dreams or nightmares and that becomes our reality, our 'truth' so-to-speak. Life, to me, just is...(and that's that really). That said, my personal belief is that if you're suffering from a wounded heart, it is only normal to not want to jump into anything new. Rather, to take the time and mend that wound, at least allow it to heal a bit so you can become vulnerable with yourself again (or for perhaps the first time and learning to do so experientially) before doing so with another. This is why jumping from partner to partner never works - it's just a form of addiction we call co-dependency - in reality it is actually a form of numbing and running away from one's self. That is, filling an internal void or sense of lack from with-out/externally, rather than within. Just as any sensible person would tend to a wounded hand by bandaging up with gauze and laying off it for a bit so it can heal, it would stand to reason that giving your heart some time to mend before giving your energies to a new relationship may be just the care needed in this situation. After all, if you can't learn to love yourself, give yourself compassion, and become grounded in YOU (whatever that might mean) then how could you ever have any sort of healthy relationship with anyone else?!

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