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| GF gets a lot of male attention (how to deal with this?) https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=194235 |
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| Author: | Borz [ Fri Dec 11, 2015 12:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | GF gets a lot of male attention (how to deal with this?) |
Backstory and some info that might be important: I'm 22, my girlfriend is 19. My girlfriend and I met two months ago. After two weeks we decided to be exclusive and in a relationship together. So we are currently 1.5 month in a relationship. I realise this is quick, but it felt good and still does. She was a virgin before me and I took her virginity two weeks ago. The issue I'm dealing with: It's really hard to describe what I'm upset about but I'll do my best. I don't like to say it, but I might be a jealous person. I prefer to call it territorial, but basically it's the same to some. Why? Well I hate it when guys add her, follow her, text her, try to flirt with her and all that. What I want is that she doesn't give any attention to these guys who are interested in her for more than just friendly reasons. But at the same time I don't want to be the guy that forbids her from having social contact with men. So far there have been no problems. I have always kept my cool and she hasn't done anything but show me she is interested in me. But sometimes I might just get insecure and I hate it when I see/hear all the attention she gets. When I see it I don't respond to it and wait till I cool down to think straight again. So I've been thinking why I am this way. My conclusion is that deep down I'm concerned she will find someone better and they will flirt with her and she will leave me. Even though I don't like to admit it, this is probably why I'm so territorial and why this bothers me right? Some examples: - We woke up in bed yesterday, her phone started vibrating, I grabbed it to give it to her and I saw her ex texted her (they broke up 1 year ago). It was nothing bad, he was asking her advice about something and I asked her why is he texting you. She said he needs advice about this girl he is seeing... I got up from bed without saying anything and went to smoke a cigarette. I came back in and she got up as well. Then I kissed her, we layed down in bed again, talking about some random stuff and all of a sudden she says "you seem in a bad mood what's going on?" I tell her I didn't like that her ex texts her. She assures me she only wants me and isn't interested in him. I tell her alright that all I want to know and we leave it at that. Rest of the day went perfect. Is this a good reaction from me? ---------------------- Overall she gets a lot of male attention, messages, friend requests, follow requests and sometimes she gives attention back to these guys by accepting them and/or replying to there messages. I don't know everything of course, I don't spy on her, but from what I see it seems she is always fair to me and I have no suspicion of her being disloyal. However, some insecurity remains in me and I want to know from you guys how I should deal with this? Can I demand stuff from her, such as deleting these people? Or should I not mention anything? Please help?! |
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| Author: | dukehoopz30 [ Fri Dec 11, 2015 1:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: GF gets a lot of male attention (how to deal with this?) |
It seems you are insecure about your relationship. This is normal when you are younger and especially if your GF gets a lot of attention. However, you cant control her getting hit up by all of these guys. I would just ignore it and just continue to be the BEST guy in her life. If you do that she will continue to keep choosing you and the other guys will just be well... "the other random guys" who mean nothing to her. Also, understand that for a girl getting requests, messages, ect fuels her ecosystem of positive emotions. Just like when a girl takes interest in you right now, it fuels your ego, but would you really act on it? Prob. not if your super happy and fulfilled in your relationship. Take the high road. Its not easy... but put yourself in her shoes. Also, if you are not able to handle her getting hit up all the time emotionally, then I would suggest just keeping her as a FB until your ready for a committed relationship. |
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| Author: | CharlesFinley [ Fri Dec 11, 2015 1:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: GF gets a lot of male attention (how to deal with this?) |
With any good looking girl (and some that are even average!) you're going to see this. When you were initially trying to get dates with her -- before she was your girlfriend -- she likely had 10 guys trying to do the same thing. You'll get past the insecurity eventually - particularly if she's trustworthy (and she sounds it, for now) - just remember she picked you... You wouldn't want to be with someone you can't trust anyway... so she's going to do what she's going to do. Now --- with ALL THAT said, you're in a relationship... communicate. I wouldn't say something like "I don't like you talking to other guys"... because that's broad and it's sorta indicating that you don't trust her intentions, but you can ask questions to be more comfortable with the situation without losing any integrity, if you do it correctly. |
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| Author: | R.C [ Fri Dec 11, 2015 2:00 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: GF gets a lot of male attention (how to deal with this?) |
Quote: Backstory and some info that might be important:
This is pretty much what I was going to tell you ever since I read the title of this thread. But the fact that you realized it on your own and had what it takes to expose and face it is something to be commanded. Good job.So I've been thinking why I am this way. My conclusion is that deep down I'm concerned she will find someone better and they will flirt with her and she will leave me. Even though I don't like to admit it, this is probably why I'm so territorial and why this bothers me right? And yes, the more confident you are in your own attractiveness and self-worth, the less jealous you'll be. You'll never be 100% non-needy and 100% non-jealous. But when you get to the point where you can genuinely say "I'm the best thing that ever happened to this girl", jealousy becomes a distant memory. You can never control the contact she has with other people. You gotta understand that every action dictated by insecurity that you display is a droplet of poison to your relationship. Quote:
Overall she gets a lot of male attention, messages, friend requests, follow requests and sometimes she gives attention back to these guys by accepting them and/or replying to there messages. I don't know everything of course, I don't spy on her, but from what I see it seems she is always fair to me and I have no suspicion of her being disloyal. However, some insecurity remains in me and I want to know from you guys how I should deal with this? Can I demand stuff from her, such as deleting these people? Or should I not mention anything?
Dude, guys are thirsty. And most are absolute chodes. I've seen tinder accounts of what I consider orcs, and these girls still have absurd amounts of guys chasing them for the most part. Please help?! That will never change. If you girl is of any quality, guys will give her attention. And she'll enjoy receiving it from some of them. There's nothing wrong with that. The only thing that matters is how you handle it. I show my girls guys I consider good looking when we walk on the street. I'll tell them to wipe the drool from their mouth whenever a hot waiter-dude is serving our table. I'll tell them that as a guy, I'd still probably fuck Dean from Supernatural. But then again I also know that while there is a possibility of her meeting someone "better", it's simply highly improbable. You can die being hit in the head by a loose roof brick. However since the probability of that happening is so ridiculously small, you never pay any mind to it whenever you leave your flat, do you? |
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| Author: | oceanx [ Fri Dec 11, 2015 2:03 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: GF gets a lot of male attention (how to deal with this?) |
Treat the orbiters like "little buddies" in your mind and in real life. You are the king. After all she IS with YOU. |
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| Author: | neo87 [ Fri Dec 11, 2015 4:40 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: GF gets a lot of male attention (how to deal with this?) |
1. You're insecure that she can do better 2. You're afraid of her leaving If you're going to get into a relationship, you should be: 1. Secure in yourself 2. Not afraid of losing her. You're already starting off with a bad mentality. Sure, if she has a ton of guys hitting her up, she could find one she likes more than you. She could find one she's more compatible with. She could find a scumbag but maybe she's intrigued by him so dumps you for him. She could fall for the 30 year old mature professor. She could decide hey I'm 19 and want to experience a lot of dicks before I die. She could decide hey i'm 19 I don't want to be tied down. She could decide she wants to spend a couple years travelling alone. She could decide she wants to become a missionary in Africa after college. She could decide she's not over her ex. She could decide this relationship is not for her. I say all that to make one point: You can't control whether she leaves you. You have to accept that for whatever reason you may lose her, but have to be able to say "I'd be ok...I'd be able to find someone else and be happy." I keep sying this: A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT A CONTRACT TILL DEATH. I don't know your gf, but I can guarantee this, she's with you as long as you make her happy or as long as you're her best option. Likewise, think the same way. Your focus should never be on how to keep someone, it should be on whether that person makes you happy. |
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| Author: | oceanx [ Sat Dec 12, 2015 4:39 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: GF gets a lot of male attention (how to deal with this?) |
Relate, but even if you're with someone for years and years, don't make the relating ugly by turning it into a relationship. Go on continually relating. Every person has unlimited depths to explore. So instead of worrying about what may happen with her tomorrow, live today. |
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| Author: | noahbrown [ Sat Dec 12, 2015 6:17 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: GF gets a lot of male attention (how to deal with this?) |
I'm no expert on this by any means but what I think you should do is find a goal that's going to improve you as a better more attractive person in general. So if she does end up leaving you for another guy you won't be upset because you'll know in the back of your mind she fucked up because she didn't give u a chance to see the best version of yourself. |
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| Author: | oceanx [ Sat Dec 12, 2015 9:34 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: GF gets a lot of male attention (how to deal with this?) |
Also embody the attitude that even if she did leave tomorrow, sure it may suck at first but in the end it is NO SWEAT OFF YOUR BACK because you know you can go out and meet tons of cuties who are down to hang with you. |
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