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How to change this relationship? Or end it?
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Author:  hoboken [ Sat Oct 31, 2015 5:49 pm ]
Post subject:  How to change this relationship? Or end it?
I've been with this girl for about 3 months now. It's the second time we are together.
The first time we were together for 3 months when she broke up with me (main reason was me just gettting 2 needy).

Last week I told her I was having doubts and needed some time to think.

These are my main issues;

- She is extremely impulsive, meaning she can change her mind 5 times a day (It has gotten a lot better than a year ago), leading to situations its basically impossible to make appointments.
- She needs a lot of "me-time", which I dont mind, however it often feels like she just aint there, where I'm completely not part of her world. She can be ON and OFF, one day she adores me like a god, the other day its really low key.
- I'm having serious issues trusting her after she lied in my face about using drugs.
- Our relationships has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs so far.

All the above is really making me doubt whether I can build on or build a serious future with this woman (I'm 30 and she 27)

I can see so much potential in this girl, but to be honest she is not YET "the woman of my dreams" and right now I'm feeling like I'm kind of babysitting this girl.

I'm not sure what to do but she already told me that I was expecting too much, that I dont take her for who she is and that she is not willing to change (we'll see if I agree).

Now i've read "Way Of The Superior Man" which basically says that you dont try to fix your girl but realign her by giving her all your love.

So my question is, if I should decide to continue this relationship, should I tell her my issues and ask her to change or should I suck it up, give her all my love and give her time to change/open and see what happens?
Author:  Dragula [ Sat Oct 31, 2015 7:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to change this relationship? Or end it?
RED FLAGS

- Bipolar
- Liar
- Drugs
- You've only seen her just the one time?

Have you thought about getting into a relationship with a girl that isn't damaged goods and someone you have some history with?

But she was this way before you got into a relationship with her, right? You are not compatible and you're trying to change people. The problem with most people, they settle for whatever they can get rather than go through multiple thorns to find the perfect rose.

People need to understand that, to find the girlfriend material quality girl, you pretty much need to filter/meet lot's of girls. I am sure the veterans around here will agree with me here,...You will meet the most amazing women at the same time you're killing it with the ladies and enjoying being a single bachelor, it's just sod's law. You never meet quality girls after a 8 year dry spell. Obviously some have been lucky but I hope I am talking sense to you.

I have a feeling that you haven't even had sex with this girl. That is the biggest red flag of them all.

Read my sig link.
Author:  hoboken [ Sat Oct 31, 2015 11:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to change this relationship? Or end it?
Quote:
RED FLAGS

- Bipolar
- Liar
- Drugs
- You've only seen her just the one time?

Have you thought about getting into a relationship with a girl that isn't damaged goods and someone you have some history with?

But she was this way before you got into a relationship with her, right? You are not compatible and you're trying to change people. The problem with most people, they settle for whatever they can get rather than go through multiple thorns to find the perfect rose.

People need to understand that, to find the girlfriend material quality girl, you pretty much need to filter/meet lot's of girls. I am sure the veterans around here will agree with me here,...You will meet the most amazing women at the same time you're killing it with the ladies and enjoying being a single bachelor, it's just sod's law. You never meet quality girls after a 8 year dry spell. Obviously some have been lucky but I hope I am talking sense to you.

I have a feeling that you haven't even had sex with this girl. That is the biggest red flag of them all.

Read my sig link.
I def. agree with the red flags and the damaged goods idea...
It's just hard because I can see a good "future her" and feel she is making (very very slow) progress.
Sometimes it's like she is only fighting for me when she feels she might lose me or when she knows she made a huge mistake...

The sex? In total we have been together for +6 months so ofcourse we've had sex.
Thing is that the sex is well... amazing if you look at it "Porn style", making love however is extremely rare.
Its the first time I can make a girl have multiple orgasms/squirt consequently. From what she tells me, it's also the first time she experiences this stuff... So except from the fact that I would like to make love to her more, the sex os really not the issue and I kinda settled into it...
Author:  hoboken [ Mon Nov 02, 2015 3:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to change this relationship? Or end it?
Anyone else some advice please?
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Mon Nov 02, 2015 4:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to change this relationship? Or end it?
Quote:
Anyone else some advice please?
LOL - looking to read the advice you'd like to hear? Sorry man, I agree with Dragula.
Author:  Dragula [ Mon Nov 02, 2015 5:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to change this relationship? Or end it?
Quote:
Anyone else some advice please?
Just PM me with the advice you want to read and I will copy and paste it into a new post, sound good to you?
Author:  DW-Heart-Charmer [ Tue Nov 03, 2015 1:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to change this relationship? Or end it?
Quote:
So my question is, if I should decide to continue this relationship, should I tell her my issues and ask her to change or should I suck it up, give her all my love and give her time to change/open and see what happens?
It is almost impossible to influence someone to change by telling them to. Don't ever do this. The best you could hope for if in fact you wanted to stay in it would be to inspire her to change herself. That is done indirectly and by her own choice. But this is over you need to get out.
Author:  R.C [ Tue Nov 03, 2015 7:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to change this relationship? Or end it?
Quote:
Anyone else some advice please?
Yea, how about finding a girl that isn't broken and doesn't need fixing?

How's that?
Author:  neo87 [ Tue Nov 03, 2015 6:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How to change this relationship? Or end it?
What are the ups and downs and how did she lie about drugs?
Author:  Karlb [ Wed Nov 04, 2015 12:51 am ]
Post subject:  Re: How to change this relationship? Or end it?
Sounds like this time around you're less needy and are much more confident. Congrats.

Follow your gut. Although you like a lot about this girl you also don't like her red flags and they're causing doubt within you. Liars tend to lie. It's not a one-time thing. Whatever you end up doing, learn from it.
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