PUA Forum :: How can I reclaim dominance?

I do not feel like I'm wearing the pants in my relationship.

She suggests where we go for dates, I've been staying at her place, she's made me apologize for cheating on her so many times.

How can I reclaim control at this point of the relationship?

Now that the dust has cleared, I want to be that guy again, I want to be able to be the guy she can lean on. One that doesn't take her shit. One that is a natural leader. How can I reclaim control at this point of the relationship?

She is probably holding onto you because she enjoys having a guilty man who will have to make up for doing the worst thing possible. You will be making up for it...FOREVER, and she will have the moral high ground...FOREVER. You need to realize that when you cheated, it should've been over.

a natural leader has self control. You demonstrated lack of basic leadership from the very start.

A lot of guys make this mistake, when they do their first big "wrong doing" in their relationship.

The live in apology for the rest of their relationship instead of asserting that they know they are wrong, but they're not going to live in apology any longer. She's either going to accept the apology and you two guys are going to move forward accordingly, or she's not and you're going to have to go else where.

You have to have this talk.

Sounds like you're unhappy.. And If this continues, her respect for you will dwindle until she no longer feels attraction for you. Everyone loses respect for anyone that allows others to make them unhappy, without taking any forum of action in return.

I know you said no one wants a door mat, but you sound like the doormat here. I've found that a woman will stay with a man for as long as it took her to bitch him up. If it took her 6 months to get you to this point, she will enjoy for mating you for another 6 months before she leaves you.

But either way man.. Assertive what you want and how you believe you two can accomplish this or get out of there. It ain't worth it. And despite how tough it may seem, you can start anew with someone new if you need to.

Author:	mixx62 [ Fri Jul 10, 2015 8:04 pm ]
Post subject:	How can I reclaim dominance?
It's been a year now and I do not feel like I'm wearing the pants in my relationship. After being caught cheating in the beginning of our relationship I completley let my guard down with everything -big and small. To be honest, she is still healing from me cheating on her and we're just getting over a rough patch in our relationship (lack of trust, her anxiety flaring). Now that things are better, and I'm not constantly trying to make that idiotic mistake up to her I'm realizing how much damage has been done in our relationship. She even told me the other day that she feels like we're equally dominant and that there are some aspects where she tends to be the dominant partner. Dont get me wrong: no one wants a doormat but the fact that i dont feel like the "man" in the relationship is severley fucking up my ego. Especially because she told me that in the begining i was so dominant. She says that she's glad im not an "asshole" anymore and im glad too, but there has to be a balance, right? I would say for the last half of our year long relationship, she suggests where we go for dates, I've been staying at her place, she's made me apologize for cheating on her so many times etc etc. I fucked up. I made a mistake, but I really think that because I felt so shitty about it Ive been giving into her more and asserting my dominance less. I am afraid that if this goes on she's going to want to crave a man that exudes more dominance- it's only natural. Now that the dust has cleared, I want to be that guy again, I want to be able to be the guy she can lean on. One that doesn't take her shit. One that is a natural leader. How can I reclaim control at this point of the relationship?

Author:	n2thevoid [ Fri Jul 10, 2015 9:01 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How can I reclaim dominance?
By being more invested in yourself than your partner. But honestly I don't think u'll even understand this, and likely your attempt to 'reclaim' control will end the relationship at some point.

Author:	masterm1ne [ Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:04 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How can I reclaim dominance?
Quote: I do not feel like I'm wearing the pants in my relationship. She suggests where we go for dates, I've been staying at her place, she's made me apologize for cheating on her so many times. How can I reclaim control at this point of the relationship? The answer to the question you asks resides in your own head. You should read Display of Power by Daymond John. (Spoiler alert - you have the the power to control your destiny) You have to determine the direction you want to take in the relationship and do it. It's easier to type than do of course but it's really that simple. Why not take control and say hey lets go here or apologize out of the blue if you know she is hurt? Don't wait for her to do them. Obv you can't read her mind but you don't have to wait for her to do something! It's just like approaching a girl. They could be doing something, and you could say to yourself "well I don't want to interrupt," when in reality that's just a limiting idea in your own head that you have to realize you can simply ignore!

Author:	maria_ [ Sun Jul 12, 2015 2:56 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How can I reclaim dominance?
Quote: Now that the dust has cleared, I want to be that guy again, I want to be able to be the guy she can lean on. One that doesn't take her shit. One that is a natural leader. How can I reclaim control at this point of the relationship? She's not going anywhere. You don't have to be an asshole to keep a woman. If you want to go somewhere then just voice your opinion. If a relationship ends up being a power game is no longer a relationship. Natural leaders inspire. They don't dominate.

Author:	younglady [ Mon Jul 13, 2015 2:12 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How can I reclaim dominance?
I am wondering why this relationship continues. If the girl was sincere about a real relationship, she would've ended it after the cheating, because if you can't stay faithful during the courtship phase, what will happen during engagement or marriage? She is probably holding onto you because she enjoys having a guilty man who will have to make up for doing the worst thing possible. You will be making up for it...FOREVER, and she will have the moral high ground...FOREVER. You need to realize that when you cheated, it should've been over. In my opinion, walking away is the gentlemanly thing to do, and she will no longer have her guilty doormat to lord over. Quote: Now that the dust has cleared, I want to be that guy again, I want to be able to be the guy she can lean on. One that doesn't take her shit. One that is a natural leader. How can I reclaim control at this point of the relationship? Listen, a natural leader has self control. You demonstrated lack of basic leadership from the very start. It's over.

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Author:	maria_ [ Mon Jul 13, 2015 7:01 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How can I reclaim dominance?
Quote: She is probably holding onto you because she enjoys having a guilty man who will have to make up for doing the worst thing possible. You will be making up for it...FOREVER, and she will have the moral high ground...FOREVER. You need to realize that when you cheated, it should've been over. It could be a possibility that she enjoys a guilty man around. However, I think it is more likely that she is in denial that he cheated and that this relationship is doomed since the beginning. Quote: a natural leader has self control. You demonstrated lack of basic leadership from the very start. +1 I agree.

Author:	JackZero [ Mon Jul 13, 2015 7:30 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How can I reclaim dominance?
The things that you notice are the things you have to take over. 1. You start deciding where you guys are going out to. 2. If you end up apologizing for cheating again, let her know that's the last time you're going to apologize so she knows what to expect the next time you stand your ground. (Make sure you let her know that you understand why she is having trust issues and how it makes her feel. If she knows that you understand her pain, that may help you guys out a lot) Quit being afraid to lose her. If she brings up your cheating again...tell her that you can't go back and change things and if she can't accept that was the past then you guys can't have a relationship like that going forward. Then tell her to decide what she wants to do going forward. Be calm and firm about it. Don't blink. Don't flinch. Don't let her see you sweat. You're playing chicken with her and you want her to swerve off the road first.

Author:	Eddie Fews [ Mon Jul 13, 2015 1:10 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How can I reclaim dominance?
A lot of guys make this mistake, when they do their first big "wrong doing" in their relationship. The live in apology for the rest of their relationship instead of asserting that they know they are wrong, but they're not going to live in apology any longer. She's either going to accept the apology and you two guys are going to move forward accordingly, or she's not and you're going to have to go else where. You have to have this talk. Sounds like you're unhappy.. And If this continues, her respect for you will dwindle until she no longer feels attraction for you. Everyone loses respect for anyone that allows others to make them unhappy, without taking any forum of action in return. I know you said no one wants a door mat, but you sound like the doormat here. I've found that a woman will stay with a man for as long as it took her to bitch him up. If it took her 6 months to get you to this point, she will enjoy for mating you for another 6 months before she leaves you. But either way man.. Assertive what you want and how you believe you two can accomplish this or get out of there. It ain't worth it. And despite how tough it may seem, you can start anew with someone new if you need to.

Author:	n2thevoid [ Tue Jul 14, 2015 4:50 am ]
Post subject:	Re: How can I reclaim dominance?
Quote: A lot of guys make this mistake, when they do their first big "wrong doing" in their relationship. The live in apology for the rest of their relationship instead of asserting that they know they are wrong, but they're not going to live in apology any longer. She's either going to accept the apology and you two guys are going to move forward accordingly, or she's not and you're going to have to go else where. You have to have this talk. Sounds like you're unhappy.. And If this continues, her respect for you will dwindle until she no longer feels attraction for you. Everyone loses respect for anyone that allows others to make them unhappy, without taking any forum of action in return. I know you said no one wants a door mat, but you sound like the doormat here. I've found that a woman will stay with a man for as long as it took her to bitch him up. If it took her 6 months to get you to this point, she will enjoy for mating you for another 6 months before she leaves you. But either way man.. Assertive what you want and how you believe you two can accomplish this or get out of there. It ain't worth it. And despite how tough it may seem, you can start anew with someone new if you need to. YOU, and ONLY YOU is responsible for your own happiness. Not another person. A person (man or woman, but particularly a woman) loses respect for you when they realize they are the bane of your existence - in short, that you'e allowed them to be the source of their greatest happiness, and their discontent. Women are attracted to men who know how to PLEASE themselves, and be happy...with themselves.

Author:	HugoMoreno [ Thu Jul 16, 2015 8:01 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How can I reclaim dominance?
Reclaim it by having a burning desire to accomplish a goal outside of your relationship When this happens you naturally become a leader because you're not willing to let anyone make decisions for you since they might go against your goals Your self-esteem, self-confidence will shoot through the roof and you'll stop caring if she leaves you or not because you have your goals to keep you company This kind of inner game is "addictive" to women

Author:	Heywood Jablowme [ Mon Jul 20, 2015 4:31 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How can I reclaim dominance?
Mixx62, remember to re-stock the spiders this weekend so she remembers why she keeps you around.

Author:	Coozoh [ Wed Aug 19, 2015 8:06 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: How can I reclaim dominance?
I agree with every response here. It's not so much about 'dominance' but more about communicating to her what it is you want. It's so common for a man to use their woman as a resting post, relying on them to decide on where the relationship should go. You're no longer assertive when this happens and if it continues 2 things will happen; firstly you'll start to feel powerless to what she thinks, and secondly she'll grow bored of your back-seat approach and leave your ass. It sounds like the first has already happened from your comments. I suggest reading "the way of the superior man" by david deida, every male in here should have a copy tbf.

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