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Should I stay or should I go?
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Author:  Ghost. [ Tue Jun 02, 2015 7:03 am ]
Post subject:  Should I stay or should I go?
Been with the girl for 5 months now, give or take. It was awesome at first and she's easily the most physically attractive girl I've been with so far. She also has that princess outlook but surprisingly cool personality. My type in other words.

Right, enough of the oneitis talk. As awesome as it / she was at first, things changed. We never had any arguments or obvious incompatibilities, but the flame, intense as it was, seems all but non existent now.
Anyway, even though we talk every 2-3 days, for the past month she's become increasingly flaky. I've invited her over about a week ago, to which she gave some bullshit excuse, and then the same scenario repeated itself yesterday. We even live withing walking distance of each other so logistics please.
At the same time she rarely initiates anymore and doesn't really seem to make any efforts in either suggesting or accepting meet-ups and at this point I feel like I'm just wasting my time.

Basically all my friends are drooling over her telling me I'd be a complete idiot if I walked because "oh gawd her looks". At the same time I'm simply not feeling it anymore and it's becoming a burden rather than a pleasure. The only thing holding me back at this point is how awesome everything was for the first 3 or so months and I don't even know how that can ever be a valid reason.

I should do right by my signature and walk, right?
Author:  R.C [ Tue Jun 02, 2015 4:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I stay or should I go?
Supernova relationship. Burns bright, but dies young.

She either got comfortable, lost interest, you changed or is otherwise engaged in whatever activities. And the answer to all of the above scenarios is pull back. Regardless of which it is, proceed with improving your life as you normally would. If there's anything there she'll reach out to you. And if not, there's not much you can do about it anyway. The more you pull the more she'll resist.
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Tue Jun 02, 2015 5:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I stay or should I go?
Question: If she were to show up at your house right now and break up with you would you be devastated by it?

If there answer to that question is "yes" then she just doesn't have the courage to pull the plug yet. But it's coming, if you don't take the hint and remove yourself. Nine times out of ten a woman can only leave a guy who's actively participating in the relationship if she thinks he'll be hurt by it. If this is the case he is depending on her for his happiness and women do not enjoy being leaning on by their man. They want to do the leaning.

Second question: Is the relationship official? I know its been five months but have you introduced her as your girlfriend? Would an actual break up be necessary? Or could you or her just fade out?

-

All hot chicks look the exact same after you sleep with them a few times unless you develop feelings. Its just like "ehhh. She's cute, but..". Looks come and go and they always will so if thats the only reason you're holding on I'd advise you to get out of it. Sounds like you're the one interested (posting about her, inviting her over) and she's not just not feeling it anymore as a result to YOU. You can't point the finger here. There is a difference between getting a girl and maintaining a girl. Those are two completely different understandings.

The same way people can go up and down in weight without noticing, because of the gradual change, a relationship can rise or be destroyed without one noticing. Especially the guy. We like to assume everything is all good if the surface paints it to be that way. Women are always dropping hints though. Always.

P.S.

it sounds like you need new friends. You're the catch in this relationship and they should be aware of that and be the ones to remind you anytime you forget.
Author:  Ghost. [ Tue Jun 02, 2015 5:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I stay or should I go?
Quote:
Question: If she were to show up at your house right now and break up with you would you be devastated by it?
Devastated? no. I had high hopes for where this was going in the beginning but right now I think I'd be relieved if anything.

Quote:
If there answer to that question is "yes" then she just doesn't have the courage to pull the plug yet. But it's coming, if you don't take the hint and remove yourself. Nine times out of ten a woman can only leave a guy who's actively participating in the relationship if she thinks he'll be hurt by it. If this is the case he is depending on her for his happiness and women do not enjoy being leaning on by their man. They want to do the leaning.
Fair point. Can't say I'd be 100% un-phased by it but it wouldn't be the end of the world either. She gave me my moments of happiness I won't deny that, but I got bigger things in my life. Come to think about it, I may have neglect those a bit in her favor. Not much, but still.
Quote:
Second question: Is the relationship official? I know its been five months but have you introduced her as your girlfriend? Would an actual break up be necessary? Or could you or her just fade out?
All my friends assume she's my girlfriend, I didn't really have to introduce her since they've seen her around my house / facebook pictures and whatnot on several different occasions. She did hint towards exclusivity once or twice, but they were vague, open to interpretation in my opinion way too early so I didn't pay much attention to it.
In short, fading out is a possibility, yes.
Quote:
All hot chicks look the exact same after you sleep with them a few times unless you develop feelings. Its just like "ehhh. She's cute, but..". Looks come and go and they always will so if thats the only reason you're holding on I'd advise you to get out of it. Sounds like you're the one interested (posting about her, inviting her over) and she's not just not feeling it anymore as a result to YOU. You can't point the finger here. There is a difference between getting a girl and maintaining a girl. Those are two completely different understandings.
To be fair she did invite me for some coffee a couple of days prior to me asking her over, to the local lounge, but I was busy so I declined. Plus it was at 12 in the afternoon or so. But yeah, it definitely feels like I'm more invested. Things is this wasn't the case for the first few months. Thoughts of me not giving enough back crossed my mind once or twice, and that being the cause of this, but if that were they case she'd jump on any chance I'd throw her way right?
Quote:
The same way people can go up and down in weight without noticing, because of the gradual change, a relationship can rise or be destroyed without one noticing. Especially the guy. We like to assume everything is all good if the surface paints it to be that way. Women are always dropping hints though. Always.
Yep. We tend to just wake up one morning and be like "damn, I had abs 2 months ago". My problem is making the difference between an actual hint and me worrying about small nothings.

Quote:
P.S.
it sounds like you need new friends. You're the catch in this relationship and they should be aware of that and be the ones to remind you anytime you forget.
They advocate her being quality. Not just hot but also cool personality and quite smart. By all means she's "a good girl", but that's hardly a reason for me to drag myself through the mud.
Author:  Ghost. [ Tue Jun 02, 2015 5:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I stay or should I go?
Quote:
Supernova relationship. Burns bright, but dies young.

She either got comfortable, lost interest, you changed or is otherwise engaged in whatever activities. And the answer to all of the above scenarios is pull back. Regardless of which it is, proceed with improving your life as you normally would. If there's anything there she'll reach out to you. And if not, there's not much you can do about it anyway. The more you pull the more she'll resist.
Supernova relationship I'd be fine with. Appreciate it for what it was and move on with a cool memory.

I really hope women are as intuitive as everyone makes them out to be, because the only outcome I'd hate out of all this is having her tell me she didn't know whether or not I liked her or wanted to pursue something serious with her.
I never verbalized it, but my actions were clear as can be.

That's probably just me rationalizing excuses to keep pushing things even more aggressively.
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Tue Jun 02, 2015 5:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I stay or should I go?
Quote:
Long story short. Dating a girl, not exclusive, more invested in her than I should be.

I can't help it. I know it shouldn't be that way but it is what it is so those are the facts. Call me needy, onitised, what-have-you. I already know that and knowing it will help the future, not the present. Right, so, one dude she works with on the same project is constantly talking to her. And she's replying.

I cannot figure out whether he's in the friendzone or not, but they have very different demographics. He's not her type at all and even told me she's not attracted to him in the slightest ever since before we started dating. She also told me who she was into, since we used to talk about side-projects, so lying makes little sense. But so does talking as much to someone you have no romantic interest in. Or not?

The point is I'm trying not to be hypocritical here. Everything is fair game until we decide it isn't, but it's slowly ripping at me. I feel it's tearing at my confidence levels. It is affecting me even tho I hate admitting that.

I don't know how long I'll be able to keep my frame and not show it, but if I break I will fuck this up. Which I'm fine with, live and learn, but I'd really rather prevent it.

:roll:
Author:  Ghost. [ Tue Jun 02, 2015 7:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I stay or should I go?
Well yeah, that was one month in. And the following two were great. Not that I don't see your point but the question is the same.

Is there are reason for me not to walk / fade out?
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Tue Jun 02, 2015 7:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I stay or should I go?
Quote:
Well yeah, that was one month in. And the following two were great. Not that I don't see your point but the question is the same.

Is there are reason for me not to walk / fade out?

That post was at the end of April. Thats just over one month ago. So.....

You need to walk.
Author:  R.C [ Tue Jun 02, 2015 8:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I stay or should I go?
I think it's blatantly obvious that if you wanna keep some of your dignity you should fade out. She'll probably reach out to you anyway at some point but if your frame doesn't solidify up until then there's little to no chance anything will change for the better.

She saw something in you dude. At first. And then you changed. It happens to most guys that 'date the hottest one yet' and like Eddie said, it doesn't happen overnight so by the time you realize it it's too late. You need some time off from this girl. Talk to other girls, hit the gym, do whatever it is you were doing before her because that's the guy she went crazy over.

I wouldn't hold my breath over it, because if you're doing it to get her to invest again you're failing before you're even beginning. Do it for yourself obviously, and having her crawling back to you is a side-bonus you may or may not enjoy.

Having the "i'm the prize mentality' and knowing about it are 2 entirely different things. But the first step to having it is to act like it. What would the prize do in your shoes?
Author:  Derron Fox [ Sun Jun 07, 2015 9:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I stay or should I go?
Quote:

At the same time I'm simply not feeling it anymore and it's becoming a burden rather than a pleasure.

I should do right by my signature and walk, right?
Wrong. She's not feeling it anymore, and its become more of a burden than a pleasure for her. You got her, but failed to keep her. Inspect what you did during your time together, and try to analyze possible behavioral mistakes on your part. I've never known an experience when a girl becomes more distant because of herself... it's always because she's lost interest in whoever she's seeing.

At this point it's too late, so yes... you need to walk and at least leave on your terms.
Author:  Ghost. [ Mon Jun 08, 2015 5:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I stay or should I go?
If I'm not feeling it anymore that will reflect on my behavior and influence hers.

That's not to say I didn't make any mistakes. It was a cool experience, but yes, I walked.
Author:  HugoMoreno [ Mon Jun 22, 2015 7:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Should I stay or should I go?
Quote:

Basically all my friends are drooling over her telling me I'd be a complete idiot if I walked because "oh gawd her looks". At the same time I'm simply not feeling it anymore and it's becoming a burden rather than a pleasure. The only thing holding me back at this point is how awesome everything was for the first 3 or so months and I don't even know how that can ever be a valid reason.

I should do right by my signature and walk, right?
Seems like you need to regenerate the attraction

Preselection works well..however since she is hot...you
better show preselection with another hot girl

If it's too much of a fuss...then yeah just walk away

There are more hot chicks available...rid yourself of the
scarcity mindset
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