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Same old story? Or is there a cool way out?
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Author:  carlosbit [ Fri May 29, 2015 7:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Same old story? Or is there a cool way out?
First, let me just apologize for my English if i make some mistake, it's not my main language.

I've been with a girl for 2 and a half months and this week she asked me if i wanted to be her boyfriend.
Since the mark of two months it was something I was wondering to ask her but didn't mind to me that much so I let the time pass by... I wasn't expecting her to be the one asking this, but since I really like her, I gave her the 'yes'. I feel like i don't love her now but it's going to happen soon and I got to be careful, so I'm here asking for advice.

So here's the story:

In our early dates, she told me that before me she had a 1 month open relationship (something like friends with benefits or fuck buddies) with a friend of hers which she knew for a long time. At that time I asked if she would be with him again and she told me it was a possibility (not a big deal, it was our 3rd date i guess).

Things evolved with time and since she met me, she has never been with him again...BUT two or three weeks ago he began talking with her over facebook. She told me this and said that he had invited her for a walk in the park or something and that she was willing to accept the invitation, saying that he is a long term friend and that she doesn't want to cut the friendship with him just because we are together.

She knows I'm a jealous person and of course i don't like this kind of shit, i showed my displeasure for that but tried to keep it cool (i guess at least lol). Until now she hasn't been with him but yesterday she told me they have been talking sometimes on the phone.

So the question is, how the fuck do i tell her in a man way that i don't like this type of bullshit? I don't want to look like an AFC and i want to be efective on my speech when I talk about this with her.

I thank you in advance for any kind of help on this!
Author:  JackZero [ Fri May 29, 2015 9:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Same old story? Or is there a cool way out?
You talk to her like an adult. It's not a problem to say that you have a problem with her spending time and talking to her old boyfriends/fuckbuddies. If she respects how you feel about it, she won't do it.
Author:  carlosbit [ Sat May 30, 2015 2:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Same old story? Or is there a cool way out?
Girls are masters on twisting conversations in their favor, although I can handle it most of the times, it's not always like that. I don't want to talk about this topic a second time with her, I want to say everything first try lol. It'll be easy for her to tell me that they are just friends and that she can't stop hanging around with her friends just because we're dating. I don't mind if she hangs with male friends, I mind for this one in particular since it was a fuck-buddy not too long ago.

Shoud I say something in specific so she really gets the idea in her head or is there anyone who has passed by this situation and handled it right?

Thanks for your answer JackZero :)
Author:  neo87 [ Sat May 30, 2015 6:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Same old story? Or is there a cool way out?
Why dont you want her to hang with this friend? please be specific not just because they fucked.
Author:  carlosbit [ Sat May 30, 2015 7:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Same old story? Or is there a cool way out?
They were fuck buddies for a month or a month and a half and he keeps communicating with her. If she had no interest at all, would she agree to meet with him? Although some time has passed and they haven't seen each other yet, they don't just talk by messages, he calls her sometimes that's kinda weird for me. I know they know each other for some time but i don't know how close were they before they got 'together' in the past.

I think what fucks with my head it's the fact that she cheated 2 or 3 times on her previous LTR when they were away for some months, she was in a country and he was in another one. I guess that's not that bad since they were away but it's still cheating and I don't trust at 100% woman anymore.
Author:  neo87 [ Sat May 30, 2015 8:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Same old story? Or is there a cool way out?
Quote:
They were fuck buddies for a month or a month and a half and he keeps communicating with her. If she had no interest at all, would she agree to meet with him? Although some time has passed and they haven't seen each other yet, they don't just talk by messages, he calls her sometimes that's kinda weird for me. I know they know each other for some time but i don't know how close were they before they got 'together' in the past.

I think what fucks with my head it's the fact that she cheated 2 or 3 times on her previous LTR when they were away for some months, she was in a country and he was in another one. I guess that's not that bad since they were away but it's still cheating and I don't trust at 100% woman anymore.

Hey, i asked the question so that you could describe your thought process. Good you did. My take, if you believe she has interest in him and is therefore meeting him, why be with her as a bf/gf? It doesnt sound like you trust her, and if you dont, do be with her in a relationship.

As to her cheating before, yeah thats another red flag, a big one. I have no idea why you'd make things official a week ago when they have started talking again for a while. I can understand if you made it official a week ago and a couple days ago she started talking to him, but why would you get more serious with a girl who was starting to talk to her old fb? That should have been your signal weeks ago to not take it too seriously and disqualify her from gf material.

As to talking to her, I'm not a fan of setting boundaries in these situations, because its mostly a problem of poor screening on your part, now you gotta adjust to red flags. For something like talking and hanging out with ex's, I'd only make a chick my gf is she fundamentally gets whats wrong with that. If she doesn't then I'm not gonna talk about it because its easy for her to agree and still do it. I'd walk. If you want to talk to her, you can.
Author:  carlosbit [ Tue Jun 02, 2015 12:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Same old story? Or is there a cool way out?
Thank you for your answer, you made some points that opened my eyes and I realize i made a mistake making this kinda oficial before talking with her about this guy. Now I guess I gotta talk to her and take conclusions later...

The thing is, everything about her past or this guy or other guy or whatever, is she the one who takes the initiative to talk to me about it...i guess that's what kinda made me trust her some more, although those are topics that I don't like, she tells me all these things that happen in her life. Do i got a point here or is it just me trying to get some illusionary confidence on her?
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