PUA Forum :: Being played

Thanks for the advice. Yeah we've kissed but that's it.

I couldn't be more cautious - we spent an hour making out and I just got to rubbing her clit through her jeans before she started backing off.

I think the problem is I'm investing too much into this, I haven't got other options at the moment and she can smell it.

I made plans to go out with the boys but then arranged a date with her the following morning so I was going to change plans with mates (I know), so I wasn't too hungover when I see her. How can I cancel on her or move it to the afternoon?

How can I cancel on her or move it to the afternoon?

So I decided I to turn the tables on her and play games right back and guess what - it worked.

Ignored her all of last night. Got 5 messages through and one this morning saying how much she missed me. Continued to ignore her all day as I was busy working and got another message asking "is everything ok with us?"

I've been out of the dating world and in a long term relationship for 5 years so I was pretty rusty. After reading through a lot of the advice on this forum I had a paradigm shift and realized I had invested far too much and actually she really isn't that important in the grand scheme of things.

This has been a big change for me in terms of my game. Thanks for the advice.

Author:	JayJay90 [ Wed Apr 29, 2015 5:21 pm ]
Post subject:	Being played
I'm being played like a fcking fiddle here and I need some advice on how to cope with it. So I met a girl a couple weeks ago - went on my first date in ages and all went very smooth. She laid on the sht tests thick but I held my own. She's hot and she's from somewhere in Europe. We've seen each other a few times now and I've realized that A) I quite like this chick and B) she knows it. She doesn't want to have sex yet as she doesn't feel ready but she'll happily tell me about her sexual experiences. She'll get me horny as hell and then tell me I'm being pushy when I make a move. She'll tell me she really wants to see me on a certain date and when I suggest I could be free she tells me she cant. She started telling me how hot my mates were today. Normally I'd tell her to jog on but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. Plus there's a time frame on this whole thing as she's going back home in a month. I don't know if it's just because I haven't slept with her and I feel a caveman desire to conquer her but I just need some advice on how to deal with her games. I'm normally very assertive but this is driving me nuts!

Author:	WillEdward [ Wed Apr 29, 2015 7:48 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Being played
Have you already kissed her? When she is telling you about her sexual experiences, that is usually a good sign, but you have to determine whether she is doing to get validation and a reaction out of you or if she is investing. Don't be reactive and start escalating right away when she is talking about it. You can casually talk about sex, calibrate and reward her responses with by either reciprocating and talk about some of your sexual experiences and/or escalate. Again you have to determine if you have enough compliance to escalate and she is genuinely investing instead of seeking validation. You need to escalate smoothly throughout the interaction so it's not like you are making any "moves". You can also build up sexual tension by lowering your voice, speaking slower, holding eye contact and closing the distance then go in for the kiss. You need to be leading the set and commanding more. When she tells you when she is free, instead of suggesting that you might be free, set plans and assume it's already going to happen (even if you're not sure) as this will display more certainty and get things going. You can always change plans later if you really can't go.

Author:	JayJay90 [ Wed Apr 29, 2015 9:15 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Being played
Thanks for the advice. Yeah we've kissed but that's it. I couldn't be more cautious - we spent an hour making out and I just got to rubbing her clit through her jeans before she started backing off. I think the problem is I'm investing too much into this, I haven't got other options at the moment and she can smell it. I made plans to go out with the boys but then arranged a date with her the following morning so I was going to change plans with mates (I know), so I wasn't too hungover when I see her. How can I cancel on her or move it to the afternoon?

Author:	WillEdward [ Wed Apr 29, 2015 9:45 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Being played
You're right saying that you're investing too much. It's usually not good to make out with her longer than you need to or start foreplay if logistics aren't set and you don't plan on pulling her soon. All it is doing is validating her, giving her all she wants right away, raising her BT and setting it up to crash. It's enough to just kiss her once on the lips to solidify attraction and continue to qualify and get more investment from her. It also builds sexual tension and you are less likely to encounter LMR. You have a few options you can do for the date. You can choose to not change any plans and try to limit your drinking so you're not hungover or not stay out as late. I would not cancel on her as you're punishing good behavior. If you want to reschedule, you could try telling her that something came up in the morning and you might be a little late and ask if it would OK to meet in the afternoon, to gauge her response. If she says no, then you should see her even if you feel a little hungover or shitty, just suck it up, get some caffeine and acetaminophen (Tylenol). If she says yes, then you're good to go. You're giving her a chance to respond without giving her a hard cancel or reschedule.

Author:	chantos [ Thu Apr 30, 2015 2:06 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Being played
Quote: Thanks for the advice. Yeah we've kissed but that's it. I couldn't be more cautious - we spent an hour making out and I just got to rubbing her clit through her jeans before she started backing off. I think the problem is I'm investing too much into this, I haven't got other options at the moment and she can smell it. I made plans to go out with the boys but then arranged a date with her the following morning so I was going to change plans with mates (I know), so I wasn't too hungover when I see her. How can I cancel on her or move it to the afternoon? tell her you're hanging with friends and you'll see her that afternoon. just like that. she's playing games w you and yet you are thinking about canceling on your friends? nah bro. you're catching oneitis. don't be afraid to lose a hookup especially if she's stringing you along like that.

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Author:	maria_ [ Thu Apr 30, 2015 2:35 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Being played
Quote: How can I cancel on her or move it to the afternoon? Pick up the phone, dial her number, tell her: Sorry babes I completely forgot and I had arranged to go out with my mates tonight. So sorry. It escaped my mind. If you want you can give me a call when you are next time free and we could catch up. I'm possibly next time free on Friday or Saturday. Let me know alright?" And let her make her choices..

Author:	Eddie Fews [ Thu Apr 30, 2015 5:12 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Being played
You're dividing into hard man. You're trying to cannon ball into a 2 foot pool from 30 feet in the air. Chill out before you hurt yourself. You're currently pulling on a door that clearly says push. This door isn't opening. NO matter how hard you pull it. You have to wake up and side step from outside the game. You need a mentality switch, but as far as actions goes .. Be more elusive, start ignoring her text, be flakey. She'll fuck you before she leaves. She's giving you a TIME CONSTRAINT, but a real one and its causing you to rush. Behave like you have all the time in the world. Who cares if you fuck her? She'll be gone. And theres many other chicks to bang. <--- That has to be your frame. But stop pulling on a push door. Its looks crazy.

Author:	JayJay90 [ Thu Apr 30, 2015 10:14 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Being played
So I decided I to turn the tables on her and play games right back and guess what - it worked. Ignored her all of last night. Got 5 messages through and one this morning saying how much she missed me. Continued to ignore her all day as I was busy working and got another message asking "is everything ok with us?" I've been out of the dating world and in a long term relationship for 5 years so I was pretty rusty. After reading through a lot of the advice on this forum I had a paradigm shift and realized I had invested far too much and actually she really isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. This has been a big change for me in terms of my game. Thanks for the advice.

Author:	chantos [ Fri May 01, 2015 10:47 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Being played
Quote: So I decided I to turn the tables on her and play games right back and guess what - it worked. Ignored her all of last night. Got 5 messages through and one this morning saying how much she missed me. Continued to ignore her all day as I was busy working and got another message asking "is everything ok with us?" I've been out of the dating world and in a long term relationship for 5 years so I was pretty rusty. After reading through a lot of the advice on this forum I had a paradigm shift and realized I had invested far too much and actually she really isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. This has been a big change for me in terms of my game. Thanks for the advice. Nice. So now if you want her, give her just enough attention to keep coming back, but no more. If you're gonna lose a girl, lose her because you weren't there enough and never because you were around too much. Don't be a dick to her, just be busy with other shit and other girls.

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