PUA Forum :: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram

Should I?

Background:

I'm on study abroad in America for a semester. I have been here for a month now and my gf is missing me.

I've made a lot of friends, including females and they follow me on instagram and I just follow back. My intentions are just that of being friends and I've explained this clearly and thoroughly to my girlfiend.

But she's very insecure and she says I shouldn't be doing that in a relationship. She has unfollowed all guys from her instagram and even facebook without me asking her to do that.

But now she wants me to so that for her as well.

We fought twice about this and I told her she can't decide who I follow or not. But now she was acting like this again and crying about it and I just feel like its not worth fighting over and I'm willing to delete them from my instagram actually.

But on the other hand, this feels like a test. So I don't want to give in.

That's some pretty hardcore insecurity, if you don't even know these girls and haven't slept with any of them before (is that the case?)

If it is the case, I would consider that a big, blazing red flag with your girlfriend, personally.

Sounds like control issues.

I never understand why guys are with girls who they know are very insecure, yet they get into a rs with these girls and think that problems like this aren't gonna come up.

She is very insecure. That's the problem. If you didnt want a girl like this don't wife her. If you do wife her, prepare to do stuff like deleting girls from your fb.

Keep the chicks, she'll be sad, insecure, and may end it. It's up to you. But that's what you get when you date insecure chicks.

No disrepected intended to OP, but....... you're an alpha male......and you follow women....... on Instagram?

For me personally...

I begin a relationship with a certain frame. And I keep it going strong. Part of that frame is no drama and no control / jealousy issues. I have friends that are girls, I text them, I'm friends with them on facebook, and it's not changing. An outsider looking in might even think I'm flirting with them. And that's not changing. What I promise is that I'm not hanging out with them behind your back, and that I'm not cheating on you. That's it. If you expect me to go any further than that, then it's not going to workout. And in return, I don't give her shit if she is friends with guys. As long as she's not going out behind my back or being over the top flirty, I don't give her shit about it.

When you start a relationship with this frame, you set the precedent and any complaints down the road you have the response of "you knew what you were getting into, I made it as clear as possible. You're a big girl and you make your own decisions. I'll give you a night to sleep on it and tell me what you want to do tomorrow".

I've yet to have a girl break up with me because I was friends with girls or even because I was flirting with other girls. When they do bring it up, and they almost always do, if you keep the frame then they have no where to go.

Tell her to follow again the guys that she unfollowed on instagram and remind her you can always create new profiles.
Also tell her that you want to feel that you are with a person because it is your choice
It is not a test what she is doing. It is her insecurities speaking ( maybe she had a bad experience with an ex).

Author:	Borz [ Tue Feb 10, 2015 8:07 am ]
Post subject:	GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
Should I? Background: I'm on study abroad in America for a semester. I have been here for a month now and my gf is missing me. I've made a lot of friends, including females and they follow me on instagram and I just follow back. My intentions are just that of being friends and I've explained this clearly and thoroughly to my girlfiend. But she's very insecure and she says I shouldn't be doing that in a relationship. She has unfollowed all guys from her instagram and even facebook without me asking her to do that. But now she wants me to so that for her as well. We fought twice about this and I told her she can't decide who I follow or not. But now she was acting like this again and crying about it and I just feel like its not worth fighting over and I'm willing to delete them from my instagram actually. But on the other hand, this feels like a test. So I don't want to give in.

Author:	maria_ [ Tue Feb 10, 2015 10:41 am ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
Tell her to follow again the guys that she unfollowed on instagram and remind her you can always create new profiles. Also tell her that you want to feel that you are with a person because it is your choice It is not a test what she is doing. It is her insecurities speaking ( maybe she had a bad experience with an ex).

Author:	reel2real [ Tue Feb 10, 2015 12:11 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
Quote: Should I? Background: I'm on study abroad in America for a semester. I have been here for a month now and my gf is missing me. I've made a lot of friends, including females and they follow me on instagram and I just follow back. My intentions are just that of being friends and I've explained this clearly and thoroughly to my girlfiend. But she's very insecure and she says I shouldn't be doing that in a relationship. She has unfollowed all guys from her instagram and even facebook without me asking her to do that. But now she wants me to so that for her as well. We fought twice about this and I told her she can't decide who I follow or not. But now she was acting like this again and crying about it and I just feel like its not worth fighting over and I'm willing to delete them from my instagram actually. But on the other hand, this feels like a test. So I don't want to give in. It's one thing to be insecure. But, have you banged any of these girls before? Do you keep in contact with them regularly? What exatly is your relationship context with them? EDIT: Sorry, I misread that. I am assuming you haven't slept with any of them because you were in an LTR before you met them because if you did you would have cheated on her by now. If you have been openly telling your gf that "Yea, I met so and so" or "I was talking to so and so the other day about X" that usually calms their fears down. If she's still being all insecure about how you're talking to other girls then yes, I agree it's a blazing red flag. I dated a girl like that and it was a living hell for me.

Author:	CharlesFinley [ Tue Feb 10, 2015 1:33 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
That's some pretty hardcore insecurity, if you don't even know these girls and haven't slept with any of them before (is that the case?) If it is the case, I would consider that a big, blazing red flag with your girlfriend, personally. Sounds like control issues.

Author:	Miami_J [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 5:14 am ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
Quote: That's some pretty hardcore insecurity, if you don't even know these girls and haven't slept with any of them before (is that the case?) If it is the case, I would consider that a big, blazing red flag with your girlfriend, personally. Sounds like control issues. Yeah man that sounds ridiculous to me. I would not even entertain such a stupid request.

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Author:	chantos [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 7:03 am ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
Do not unfollow them whatsoever. That's the absolute worst thing you can do. This is an absurd request, and granting it would wave bye-bye to her respect for you. You need to shoot this down asap and let her know that it's unacceptable for her to even dream about telling you to do that. If she doesn't want to follow guys on FB or IG that's up to her. But again the worst thing you can do is follow suit and obey.

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 1:40 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
I never understand why guys are with girls who they know are very insecure, yet they get into a rs with these girls and think that problems like this aren't gonna come up. She is very insecure. That's the problem. If you didnt want a girl like this don't wife her. If you do wife her, prepare to do stuff like deleting girls from your fb. That's like getting into a rs with a girl who has no legs, then wondering why you have to push her around in a wheelchair. Delete the chicks. The time for expecting normal trust in a rs was way back when you first made her your gf. After that, you lie in the bed you made. Keep the chicks, she'll be sad, insecure, and may end it. It's up to you. But that's what you get when you date insecure chicks.

Author:	maria_ [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 2:15 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
Quote: I never understand why guys are with girls who they know are very insecure, yet they get into a rs with these girls and think that problems like this aren't gonna come up. Men are programmed to protect. The insecure girls have an air of weakness which attracts a certain type of guys that have insecurities too. The insecurity of the girl satisfies the insecurity that the guy has to feel wanted. It is an unhealthy dynamic but usually it repeats itself. Quote: She is very insecure. That's the problem. If you didnt want a girl like this don't wife her. If you do wife her, prepare to do stuff like deleting girls from your fb. This will add fuel to continue the unhealthy dynamics. The truth is that he really likes this girl. If he didn't like her he wouldn't be with her. He can work on his inner game and get more secure himself and then she will follow his good example. Quote: Keep the chicks, she'll be sad, insecure, and may end it. It's up to you. But that's what you get when you date insecure chicks. That's fear: she might end it. That's keeping the insecure pattern in place. No fear= secure A person that has high confidence and high self esteem will not accept someone else setting boundaries to their freedom. They will accept only the boundaries that they are comfortable with. She is freaking out because she wants him and she is insecure that she wants him more than he wants her. She deleted the guys just to set the example of how he should behave. If she sticks to his ground she will get even more insecure but she will try harder because she is already hooked on him. A girl that leaves easily is a girl that hasn't invested much. Only a very secure girl would make sure she is not investing more than the other person. She isn't this. If he won't unfollow those women but he keeps reassuring her verbally that he loves her she is going to fall in love with him deeper. She might even start obsessing over him.

Author:	neo87 [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 3:20 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
Maria ...how is his verbal confessions of love going to make her more secure? OP has been through this with her before. They'll talk he'll verbalize the whole tryst love thing she'll apologize and then go back to freaking out.

Author:	maria_ [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 3:54 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
For her to change she needs to face her fears and come face to face with the wall of her insecurities. The change should come from within her. To trigger that change she should come to a point that her attitude doesn't give the results. If he rewards her with complying to her wishes she won't feel that there is any reason for her to change. Of course she will fight change then she will accept it. The verbal reassurance goes in stages. The first time he has to tell her that he loves her and he won';t do anything stupid. The second time he will remind her the same words. The third time he will tell her that she already knows his opinion. The fourth time he will refuse to engage in the conversation. The fewer the words the better. She'll have two choices: either accept that he needs space to breathe or not accept it and leave. She will either stop being insecure or continue being insecure away from him.

Author:	breedlove465 [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 6:43 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
For me personally... I begin a relationship with a certain frame. And I keep it going strong. Part of that frame is no drama and no control / jealousy issues. I have friends that are girls, I text them, I'm friends with them on facebook, and it's not changing. An outsider looking in might even think I'm flirting with them. And that's not changing. What I promise is that I'm not hanging out with them behind your back, and that I'm not cheating on you. That's it. If you expect me to go any further than that, then it's not going to workout. And in return, I don't give her shit if she is friends with guys. As long as she's not going out behind my back or being over the top flirty, I don't give her shit about it. When you start a relationship with this frame, you set the precedent and any complaints down the road you have the response of "you knew what you were getting into, I made it as clear as possible. You're a big girl and you make your own decisions. I'll give you a night to sleep on it and tell me what you want to do tomorrow". I've yet to have a girl break up with me because I was friends with girls or even because I was flirting with other girls. When they do bring it up, and they almost always do, if you keep the frame then they have no where to go.

Author:	vhou812 [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 9:08 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
No disrepected intended to OP, but....... you're an alpha male......and you follow women....... on Instagram?

Author:	Miami_J [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 10:45 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
Quote: No disrepected intended to OP, but....... you're an alpha male......and you follow women....... on Instagram? Is there a problem with following woman on instagram I don't know about?

Author:	chantos [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 10:55 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
Quote: For me personally... I begin a relationship with a certain frame. And I keep it going strong. Part of that frame is no drama and no control / jealousy issues. I have friends that are girls, I text them, I'm friends with them on facebook, and it's not changing. An outsider looking in might even think I'm flirting with them. And that's not changing. What I promise is that I'm not hanging out with them behind your back, and that I'm not cheating on you. That's it. If you expect me to go any further than that, then it's not going to workout. And in return, I don't give her shit if she is friends with guys. As long as she's not going out behind my back or being over the top flirty, I don't give her shit about it. When you start a relationship with this frame, you set the precedent and any complaints down the road you have the response of "you knew what you were getting into, I made it as clear as possible. You're a big girl and you make your own decisions. I'll give you a night to sleep on it and tell me what you want to do tomorrow". I've yet to have a girl break up with me because I was friends with girls or even because I was flirting with other girls. When they do bring it up, and they almost always do, if you keep the frame then they have no where to go. I'd honestly not even reassure the girl that I wasn't hanging out with other girls behind her back. But all of this depends on the girl. Most PUA tactics are geared toward high status beautiful women. Some shy family-oriented HB6 will probably require MUCH less maintenance than the HB9's.

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Author:	Nelk [ Thu Feb 12, 2015 3:46 am ]
Post subject:	Re: GF asked me to unfollow girls on Instagram
Quote: Tell her to follow again the guys that she unfollowed on instagram and remind her you can always create new profiles. Also tell her that you want to feel that you are with a person because it is your choice It is not a test what she is doing. It is her insecurities speaking ( maybe she had a bad experience with an ex). I totally agree with you. In LTR, tests are actually not a test -- 'cause it's LTR.