Hello Everybody!
First of all, thanks to all PUA members worldwide and mostly members of this forum, as you've helped me to become who I've became and right now I'm finally in a healthy relationship with truly an amazing HB.
My problem is my girl's past. Not this particular one, but as far as I remember it has always been a problem. I am actually a combination of a sick-type romantic person and a badass, I remember myself shooting fire arrows in a middle of the night at my ex-gfs backyard (yeah, I know) as good as being a 100% cruel dumbass (not anymore), so I suppose I'm ,,quite" normal. I had sex in my life at least a thousand times, while my HB had sexual intercourse only a few times (due to a several-years-lasting fear after meeting a complete ### guy), so actually she should be the jelaous one, but she does not care about my past. I'm not some super player, but I had two quite long (~3yrs) relationships and having sex like 2 times a day was a common thing, so it does the numbers. It may matter, that they were both virgins when I met them.
Now, I really think that I've finally met the right person, for the first time in my life I truly believe that she's the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. Problem is, that when I have too much free time I start to think and wander. I get jelaous, annoyed, angry and even sad when thinking about a fact that she had sex in a car with her ex-bf during some music performance. She cheated her BF once, right before breaking up with him and I get angry that some random guy had sex with her only because she was sexually attracted to him. I get ****** pissed, when thinking that her only one non-masturbation orgasm was with a guy that offered her some mephedron to try before sex. When I think how horny she must've been i truly want to break something and I feel really bad.
Now, I know that natural question that follows is ,,What the f*** is wrong with you?" and I'd like to know the answer as well. I know the theory and I 100% understand and follow it! Memories are nice, but that's all they are. I should be happy anyway that before me she had only one bf and was dating him only for about 6 months, having sex just a few times makes her amazingly pure anyway. I know all of that, but I don't get why it means so much to my emotions? Why do my brain automatically plays those past-events and makes me feel bad? Like /he was able to get you an orgazm - you must've been so carried away with blazing eyes staring at him with pure happyness/ - even writing this down makes me feel like really bad.
What's the point? What's the cause? Any cure? As I've said before, our relationship is almost perfect, too perfect to believe it to be honest. She's already told me that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, we're thinking about getting engaged so it seems like my perfect relationship after all. That is why I'd like to know why is this shit spawning inside my head? Some kind of emotional cancer? Maybe someone had some similar retarded actions? She deserves all the best and that is what I want her to receive, not some f***ed up thoughts appearing in my head with no particular reason, and even thou I keep it inside my head, it still makes my mood going down quite fast
Once more, thank you guys. Stay Alpha!
P.s. If it matters, I'm a normal guy. I like parties, life and being surrounded by people. I'm not some kind of a psycho or stalker or whatever. Gnight!