PUA Forum :: Girlfriend hurt and relationship in danger (need help)

Hi guys,
I have a problem with my GF of almost two years and I need your help (sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker).

Recently, I felt that my GF was evasive and distant when I spoke to her. Two months ago, I came back home from an absence of about 4 months (I'm in the military). Shortly after my arrival, she complained about me not being enough sentimentally involved in the relationship. One night she freaked up and she screamed at me. Hopefully, I stayed calm and I managed to tell her that she was making a drama out of nothing. When she calmed down, I rewarded her good behavior by reintegrating her in my life.

After that, I decided to spend more quality time with her and doing interesting activities together (playing outside, playing sports, going to art expositions, taking her to a road trip, ect).

However, four weeks ago, I noticed that she was being distant and stressed again. Maybe for good reasons (she is a college student and she was busy with the finals). But after the finals, she sometimes declined some occasions to spend time with me because she ''was too busy'' and some BS excuses.

I became a little suspicious...
Two weeks ago, I wrote her a little cute text message after work but she never replied. Then, I decided not to reply until she replied... but she didn't...
I waited about 6 days until she tried to call me like 7-8 times and wrote me 5 text messages during the night. She said that it was over because ''I sent a clear message to her''. (I think she kind of tested me).

I remained calm and I called her the next morning to tell her it would be the best thing to do if it would be the best option to her. I decided to act counter-intuitively. But now she seems very sad/hurt/frustrated/angry and the relationship is at the brink of collapse. I think she just wanted some distance and the idea behind not contacting her was good intentioned. (I read some posts about no contact after break up).

What should I do?

I don't want to act like a total AFC. I don't want to act in a submissive way and give her the initiative. Should I continue to ignore her until she texts back? I really love this girl and I don't want to break up because of a communication problem.

Thank you,

Frank

Author:	franky117 [ Fri Jan 02, 2015 4:10 am ]
Post subject:	Girlfriend hurt and relationship in danger (need help)
Hi guys, I have a problem with my GF of almost two years and I need your help (sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker). Recently, I felt that my GF was evasive and distant when I spoke to her. Two months ago, I came back home from an absence of about 4 months (I'm in the military). Shortly after my arrival, she complained about me not being enough sentimentally involved in the relationship. One night she freaked up and she screamed at me. Hopefully, I stayed calm and I managed to tell her that she was making a drama out of nothing. When she calmed down, I rewarded her good behavior by reintegrating her in my life. After that, I decided to spend more quality time with her and doing interesting activities together (playing outside, playing sports, going to art expositions, taking her to a road trip, ect). However, four weeks ago, I noticed that she was being distant and stressed again. Maybe for good reasons (she is a college student and she was busy with the finals). But after the finals, she sometimes declined some occasions to spend time with me because she ''was too busy'' and some BS excuses. I became a little suspicious... Two weeks ago, I wrote her a little cute text message after work but she never replied. Then, I decided not to reply until she replied... but she didn't... I waited about 6 days until she tried to call me like 7-8 times and wrote me 5 text messages during the night. She said that it was over because ''I sent a clear message to her''. (I think she kind of tested me). I remained calm and I called her the next morning to tell her it would be the best thing to do if it would be the best option to her. I decided to act counter-intuitively. But now she seems very sad/hurt/frustrated/angry and the relationship is at the brink of collapse. I think she just wanted some distance and the idea behind not contacting her was good intentioned. (I read some posts about no contact after break up). What should I do? I don't want to act like a total AFC. I don't want to act in a submissive way and give her the initiative. Should I continue to ignore her until she texts back? I really love this girl and I don't want to break up because of a communication problem. Thank you, Frank

Author:	CharlesFinley [ Fri Jan 02, 2015 4:25 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend hurt and relationship in danger (need help)
Quote: Hi guys, I have a problem with my GF of almost two years and I need your help (sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker). Recently, I felt that my GF was evasive and distant when I spoke to her. Two months ago, I came back home from an absence of about 4 months (I'm in the military). Shortly after my arrival, she complained about me not being enough sentimentally involved in the relationship. One night she freaked up and she screamed at me. Hopefully, I stayed calm and I managed to tell her that she was making a drama out of nothing. When she calmed down, I rewarded her good behavior by reintegrating her in my life. After that, I decided to spend more quality time with her and doing interesting activities together (playing outside, playing sports, going to art expositions, taking her to a road trip, ect). However, four weeks ago, I noticed that she was being distant and stressed again. Maybe for good reasons (she is a college student and she was busy with the finals). But after the finals, she sometimes declined some occasions to spend time with me because she ''was too busy'' and some BS excuses. I became a little suspicious... Two weeks ago, I wrote her a little cute text message after work but she never replied. Then, I decided not to reply until she replied... but she didn't... I waited about 6 days until she tried to call me like 7-8 times and wrote me 5 text messages during the night. She said that it was over because ''I sent a clear message to her''. (I think she kind of tested me). I remained calm and I called her the next morning to tell her it would be the best thing to do if it would be the best option to her. I decided to act counter-intuitively. But now she seems very sad/hurt/frustrated/angry and the relationship is at the brink of collapse. I think she just wanted some distance and the idea behind not contacting her was good intentioned. (I read some posts about no contact after break up). What should I do? I don't want to act like a total AFC. I don't want to act in a submissive way and give her the initiative. Should I continue to ignore her until she texts back? I really love this girl and I don't want to break up because of a communication problem. Thank you, Frank You're in a relationship. Stop gaming your girlfriend! Freeze outs (when you cut contact as a sort of punishment) don't work with someone you've been with for years. Be an adult. Talk to her and communicate, if you want to salvage this. (Give her a week - she'll probably be missing you). I also think - based on what you've written here - you've got some suspicions about her and maybe what she did while you were gone.... And I think it's worth considering that you're overlaying your own insecurities, and maybe she's not the issue here. But hey, I don't know you. Or her. Only going by what you've written here.

Author:	franky117 [ Fri Jan 02, 2015 4:54 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend hurt and relationship in danger (need help)
Thx for the advice! Well, you're right, it was gaming my GF and that was not appropriated. I didn't ''switched'' totally to relationship mode. I will recontact her in a week and I'll let you know how it went. And the idea of me being insecure about the relationship is quite interesting. Before contacting her again, I think I will put things into perspective in order to become a better man and avoid such situations in the future.

Author:	neo87 [ Fri Jan 02, 2015 5:36 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend hurt and relationship in danger (need help)
I get the impression there's another dude

Author:	CharlesFinley [ Fri Jan 02, 2015 5:43 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend hurt and relationship in danger (need help)
I thought about that too, neo - I'm not sure if it's just me looking at it objectively or if it's the OP editorializing her strange behaviour... Could be... For sure -- he doesn't really say what he thinks it might be. OP: you never really addressed that - is that what you thought, or was she just simply acting differently or strangely? Regardless - I say you sit her ass down and have an actual talk about this. Communication is key in relationships - and that's what you're in.

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Author:	Chickchoc [ Sun Jan 04, 2015 2:49 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend hurt and relationship in danger (need help)
I want to ask a slightly different question. Why are you with her? You obviously don't love her. So?

Author:	younglady [ Sun Jan 04, 2015 8:36 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Girlfriend hurt and relationship in danger (need help)
She already told you what the problem is. You seem to think that the problem was resolved when she "calmed down" and you "rewarded her good behavior". Well you were wrong to brush the main issue aside, you also did not try to understand what she was saying. Some women yell and act crazy when upset, your gf is that type, you should know how to get her to speak coherently and explain her point. Since you didn't show interest when she complained, it seems like now she is just distancing herself. I'm not the screaming and dramatic type like your gf, but if I've told somebody something already and they ignore me, I'm not repeating myself, I will just act accordingly. Quote: Regardless - I say you sit her ass down and have an actual talk about this. Communication is key in relationships - and that's what you're in. this

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