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Want to keep my mistress
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Author:  LeaderOfMen81 [ Wed Dec 24, 2014 11:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Want to keep my mistress
I'm married 33 with two kids. A student (BJJ instructor) of mine and I recently hooked up. She is 22 and drop dead gorgeous without exaggeration. She also had a boyfriend and I poached her. He was a mooch who had been with her since he was 20 and she was 16. She is also loaded and would buy all his stuff including his car and gym memberships supported his family etc.

Let's just say I didn't feel too bad taking her away. She broke up with him when I asked after 6 years with the guy. So now I have a mistress and she's great and provides the things my wife refuses to provide. I'm not with her for money but she has gotten me expensive gifts and refuses my gifts which makes things easy for me since I don't have to hide receipts and bills. It was easy going then she wanted more. She and I broke up a few times in almost 2 months together. The last time was less Than a week ago when she confessed that when she saw her ex at a party feelings came up again and she cried. And I told her I wouldn't be number two in anyone's life. This last break up made her angry and hurt and she said she wouldn't get back with me because I kept doing this to her. I came to my senses and realized that of course she had feelings it was a long. Relationship and about a month since her break up. I also realized I had a great thing with her and am getting feelings of my own. She stopped responding to my calls and texts so I persisted I waited outside her job yesterday and when she came out I saw her. She had told me before she didn't want to see my face or hear my voice because it would make her weak and lead her to get back with me so of course I wanted her to see me. We sort of mended our relationship but now here is he kicker, she wants two days to think about what she wants without interruption.

I agreed. She says that she needs a man to be with her at parties and family get-togethers. She wants someone to sleep with at night and someone she can have a future with. She didnt see a future wih her ex and while she never loved him and says she is in love with me she can't see a future with me either but she does love me and wants to continue what we have.


I should also mention that my wife caught us a few weeks ago after putting a homing device in my car (kid's gps tracker) and she saw her with me pulled her out of the car big scene but I have convinced my wife that we are just friends and I think she chooses to believe that. My mistress feels guilty and can't stop thinking about my wife and how she was hurt that day.

I'm afraid to lose this girl and want to know what to do to keep her wanting me and needing me. I don't offer her money or anything the usual lover offers a mistress she just fell for me because I was a teacher and she was attracted to me.

Any advice would be helpful. Thanks
Author:  neo87 [ Wed Dec 24, 2014 11:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Want to keep my mistress
If you care abt her, let her go to find someone she can have a family with herself.
Author:  LeaderOfMen81 [ Wed Dec 24, 2014 11:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Want to keep my mistress
I see your point but here is more info. She is an Orthodox Jew (I'm catholic) and she feels that a man can have more than one woman since the Torah teaches polygamy. She also tells me that she has never thought about marriage and she doesn't think she needs to get married (not sure how true that is) and so she wants to have a baby with me (kind of scary) and wants a long term thing with me but isn't sure how it can work.
Author:  maria_ [ Thu Dec 25, 2014 1:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Want to keep my mistress
How about your wife? Have you thought about her?
Author:  LeaderOfMen81 [ Thu Dec 25, 2014 1:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Want to keep my mistress
Of course. I love my wife, I really do and, but my wife stopped caring long ago. Sex was never really her thing and I'm a very sexual person. The sex was enough and I thought the love I felt for her would overcome any issues there but I was wrong. I needed sex and a companion and also this woman cooks for me with love and brings me little care packages. My wife can't even defrost some chicken for me so it's ready for ME to cook when I get home. This girl cooks for her whole family every shabbos and has time to make me a plate she is incredible and she fills a lot of needs besides the sex.
Author:  maria_ [ Thu Dec 25, 2014 10:54 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Want to keep my mistress
Have you communicate with your wife about those needs? I am sure that if she cares enough to put a tracking device to see what you up to she must care enough not to lose you and she would had cared to do things to make you happy.
If you didn't have a wife you wouldn't had been that happy with the mistress. The mistress is more unpredictable and promising. And because you don't have any obligation towards her she is easier to be with. If you were not married you wouldn't be that interested in her because you would had felt much more uncertain. You would had lacked the security your marriage is offering.
Usually when a man has a mistress and his relationship with the wife ends his relationship with the mistress ends too. It loses the excitement because it stops being the forbidden love and becomes a love like all the others.
You don't know how the mistress would behave if you were with her. You don't even know if she is being real or not. And if your security/wife is out of the picture you would turn into a very insecure man. You took this woman from another man so this air of insecurity would still be in the air and more highlighted. How would you know if she leaves you for someone else after a couple of months or years the same way she left her ex for you?
Quote:
She says that she needs a man to be with her at parties and family get-togethers. She wants someone to sleep with at night and someone she can have a future with.
In other words she wants a proper boyfriend that she doesnt share with anyone. How can a man provide all of these things if he has more than one woman?
This comes in contradiction with:
Quote:
she feels that a man can have more than one woman since the Torah teaches polygamy.
Which I am taking it that it is the bait to lure you in away from your wife...
Human nature makes people be happier if they can get what they want and some extra. This is the same technique in sales/marketing when they are offering the product you want and something extra you would had never thought to buy ( example: buy two pizzas and get a free portion of chicken wings. You wouldn't need chicken wings but they come for free)
In the case of pizza the chicken wings would make you fat... in case of your mistress the option of polygamy would make you insecure in the long run.
Quote:
She also tells me that she has never thought about marriage and she doesn't think she needs to get married (not sure how true that is)
Now this quote really makes me wonder how it contradicts with the teachings of Torah. If she is religious and believes in polygamy... then why isn't she religious to believe in marriage too?
Quote:
so she wants to have a baby with me (kind of scary) and wants a long term thing with me but isn't sure how it can work.
Translation: she wants what your wife wanted when you met her BUT she wants YOU to figure it out and give it to her. The "not sure" is just to make you put forward the effort.
Quote:
She didnt see a future wih her ex and while she never loved him and says she is in love with me she can't see a future with me either but she does love me and wants to continue what we have.
Translation: she wasn't attracted to the ex boyfriend that much to think that she could spend the rest of her life with him. And there is also something that makes her not being able to see herself only with you for the rest of her life.
In other words, she is playing the field with you until something better comes up. And while you do the effort to make it work and you are risking destroying the relationship with your wife (who still wants you) she can turn around and tell you at any time that she found someone new. Don't get excited about her leaving her ex either. She would had left him anyway, you were just the excuse and the security that if she breaks up she won't feel as hurt as she would had felt if she would had stayed single.
It sounds that you are the rebound guy that got her out of the boring relationship.
Quote:
My mistress feels guilty and can't stop thinking about my wife and how she was hurt that day
Of course she feels guilty because she is not serious about you. If she was serious a part of her would had liked that you got caught and felt sorry and compassion for the wife ( especially if she believed in polygamy. If it is just a bait the polygamy then she would had felt a tiny bit of satisfaction too).

If you want my opinion... leave the mistress and see if you can work things out with your wife. Tell your wife that it puts you off her attitude not to cook in a point that you want to leave the relationship. Give it another go for the sake of your little kids. You will regret missing seeing them full time growing for the sake of a bit of excitement on the side. Even if after the divorce you are a good dad and you try to do everything perfect you will still not be able to experience some things. Court battles etc will be the prize for a bit of a fun ... and with no guarantees for the future.
If your efforts to fix your marriage with your wife don't work.. it is better if you come to an agreement with her and keep your life simple. If this mistress is as good as she says she will stick around and wait until you are ready... but the point is that is unsure and can't see future. You are going to push away your comfortable life for someone that is not even 100% sure if you are the one for her.
If you insist on keeping the mistress ... then all you need to do is nothing. Live your life the way you were, give her space to make up her mind and then it will be all up to you what you are going to do. In the meantime pray to God your wife won't catch you cheating because there is going to be lots of drama.
Oh! and don't even think about getting pregnant the mistress. Don't risk having unprotected sex with her. Can you imagine the drama when the new baby arrives? You would have 3 kids .. 2 that you need to pay lots of money and a new one that will be extra expenses. I don't know if you can afford this.
Good luck and sorry about my english. It is not my native language.
Author:  younglady [ Sun Jan 04, 2015 8:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Want to keep my mistress
What a joke.
Quote:
I see your point but here is more info. She is an Orthodox Jew (I'm catholic) and she feels that a man can have more than one woman since the Torah teaches polygamy.
Doesn't the Torah also say not to commit adultery, so I mean, is this girl mentally challenged or something? You'll regret cheating on your wife with this girl...no doubt about it, if you don't believe me, keep fooling around and you'll see...
Author:  LeaderOfMen81 [ Sun Jan 04, 2015 10:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Want to keep my mistress
Seeing as the Torah is filled with polygamist marriages that are approved of obviously polymgamy is not seen as adultery. That being said she understand that what we have being hidden is adultery and she fully understands that it is adultery and it is not exactly right. This is he challenge.
Author:  maria_ [ Sun Jan 04, 2015 11:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Want to keep my mistress
No hun.. that's not the challenge.. The challenge is when the divorce is going to be against you.
Author:  vhou812 [ Sat Jan 10, 2015 5:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Want to keep my mistress
As a former cheater, my advice to you is get the fuck out of the fling ASAP. THE ONLY way you get both the girls is if they both know about each other and it's all on the up and up.

If you aren't going to make that happen, make your decision and pick one. If you don't, odds are good you'll end up with neither one of them in the end.
Author:  odyn [ Sat Jan 10, 2015 3:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Want to keep my mistress
^ Great advice, many of us have had to learn this they hard way though and it sounds like the OP is no different.
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