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What do i do?
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Author:  johnnyturner [ Tue Dec 16, 2014 5:27 pm ]
Post subject:  What do i do?
Hi been reading around the forum quite a bit and was thinking maybe some of you with experience and knowledge can advise me on my situation.

I have been in nearly 3 year long relationship. She doesnt have many friends and has only had 1 boyfriend prior to me, who ended up cheating on her.

Everything was perfect for first 2 years and the girl was extremely protective over me and liked me like crazy, messaging me every hour and would get angry if i didnt reply back.
I then lost my job (high status) and since then (for last year) the arguments have been crazy. We are arguing nearly every week and she has done VERY VERY fucked up things. I told her i wanted a break from her and within 48 hours she went on a date, she had a second date lined up and i told her if she goes on that date then I will break up totally and she ended up not going on the second date. She hasnt cheated on me (as in kiss or sleep with anyone else though).

She really fu*ks up my head in the sense, 3 days out of the week is saying how much she loves me/when ill marry her and then rest of the week is arguing. She is careless with money and is an impulsive spender.

One thing i like about her is the honesty, she tells me everything, however recently has been telling me how she sooo crazily likes a guy at work and it scares her that she might be a type of woman who would cheat. But next day was like ah im soo stupid i shouldnt have said it, i was just emotionally confused..etc etc.

I mean of course there are more successful people and much better looking people than me in New York so i dont let myself down in that sense. But what the hell am i doing wrong? I do agree my gf is better looking than me lookwise. Also i do think ive become a bit protective over her since i lost my job, and one guy at her work even tried to ask her back to his place.
I started calling & Messaging her when she goes out, but i have stopped that now totally. I cant blame myself for doing that because she always ends up talking to other guys who are her "FRIENDS" but thats total bullshit.
One day i did get pissed of and i put my foot down and said i dont give a shit, and made her delete all these guys (from facebook, phone etc) who were blatently looking to hookup with her.

She seemed to be surprised i made her do that (to an extent she was happy).

In this relationship I have always told her and showed to her I am a man of respect and integrity and that I am not a type of person to cheat (maybe that was a bad move?).

Please let me know your thoughts.

Thanks

Johnny
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Tue Dec 16, 2014 6:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
Johnny,

Ya, got needy! Plain and simple. Lots of women, can smell Needy from a mile away

You have to cool it a bit or you're going to fuck up a good thing.

The good news is that she didn't fire you, YET> Quit with the texting and calling and stick to what you want do. Don't call or test during the week, then see where you stand.
Quote:
One day i did get pissed of and i put my foot down and said i dont give a shit, and made her delete all these guys (from facebook, phone etc) who were blatently looking to hookup with her.
I mean, you weren't exactly wrong, but you were definitely in self-destruct mode. You got your balls back for a moment, of course she liked that.
Quote:
One thing i like about her is the honesty, she tells me everything, however recently has been telling me how she sooo crazily likes a guy at work and it scares her that she might be a type of woman who would cheat. But next day was like ah im soo stupid i shouldnt have said it, i was just emotionally confused..etc etc.
This isn't about fucking honesty, it's a strong shit test. She needs to test your reaction.

It can maybe be salvaged. She's not saying "go away" she's saying "lead me."

You probably just need to have a little more self control in not doing things just to please her.
Author:  johnnyturner [ Wed Dec 17, 2014 5:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
I never ever do things to please her, only if i feel like it then ill do it.

Before I was laid back but at the same time controlling, and she told me she likes a controlling person.
And then started complaining that i was too controlling because i wouldnt let her go out to see her ex and other "GUY" friends 1 on 1.

Now is that wrong for me to do?

I do believe i need to cool down a bit, talk less than her (as i used to before).

I think 3 years of relationship is long enough where you dont have to play these stupid mind games. Never used to happen before but now as the relationship is maturing its happening. Shouldn't mind games be in the start of relationship?
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Dec 17, 2014 5:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
Quote:
I never ever do things to please her, only if i feel like it then ill do it.
Good!
Quote:
Before I was laid back but at the same time controlling, and she told me she likes a controlling person.
And then started complaining that i was too controlling because i wouldnt let her go out to see her ex and other "GUY" friends 1 on 1.
Why would you change? Do you think it would please her?
Quote:
Now is that wrong for me to do?
No, lead the relationship in YOUR direction.
Quote:
I do believe i need to cool down a bit, talk less than her (as i used to before).
Yes, whoever cares most, puts in the most effort, therefor always the 'chaser'.
Quote:
I think 3 years of relationship is long enough where you dont have to play these stupid mind games. Never used to happen before but now as the relationship is maturing its happening. Shouldn't mind games be in the start of relationship?
The game is ever changing, never ending. You position as leader never changes.
Author:  johnnyturner [ Wed Dec 17, 2014 6:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
Ok one thing u said struck a nerve lol.

Now that you said it, I AM 100% certain that I have become the "CHASER"...
for 2 years she was chasing me and i for last year I have been chasing her.

Oh btw i forgot to mention, she told some made up shit to her work people about me, and i met her girl work colleagues and apparently she said to me that her work people think that she is out of my league.
edit : just to add I do have good social skills and a sense of humor, when i met her girl friends i made them all laugh and was the conversation leader. This i developed as my job required me to go out and network with senior bankers. So i definitely am not a type of person who lacks self confidence.

When i heard that i just laughed it off and every now and then joke about it like "omg baby let me take u out and buy u whatever u want!! " and she would usually be like "err why?" and id say in a jokey manner "omg dont u know u are soo out of my league...if i dont treat u like a princess how else will i keep u with me huh?!"
AND no after saying that as a joke i dont take her out or buy her anything.

How do i flip this around?
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Dec 17, 2014 7:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
Quote:

How do i flip this around?
Become the aloof Bro you used to be.

She should be wondering if you are seeing other women, she NEEDS to wonder. Let her.

Tell her about the counter clerk/waitress that flirted with you today.

Go hang with some friends, do not let her go, tell her, 'She wouldn't like them'. Nothing else.

Don't be up her ass all the time.

Throw a couple negs her way. Pat her ass and jokingly say OMG is this bigger or is it the jeans?

Use sparingly and NEVER mean.

Be 'unavailable' at times, give sketchy answers. Do things WITHOUT her. Show her you are perfectly fine having a life without her.
Author:  johnnyturner [ Wed Dec 17, 2014 7:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
the thing thats pulling me from acting distant is that she literally has no friends (except work people she knows for now 1.5 years).

Would it still be fine with me creating distance?
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Wed Dec 17, 2014 7:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
You worrying about how many friends SHE has? So far you have told me about Bro's that want to stuff her box, and friends that 'she says' think you are 'out of her league.'

Everyone needs distance and space from time to time. And I get the vibe that just 'lately' you been so far up her ass you still have the sent of her thong on your nose still.

You had hobbies and interests before you met, right?

Oh, next time you have sex, be a machine, fuck her like a tramp, USE that thing. Burn a memory into that pussy!
Author:  johnnyturner [ Wed Dec 17, 2014 8:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
lool man
i fkin love you guys, yea i prob still have the shit on my nose for all the ass kissing ive been doing to her lol
^^ thats not sarcasm.

And those people arent really her friends, half of em fuk her over on a weekly basis at work.
but yeah thanks for the advice i definetly need to create some distance,

and yeah i always use sex as a weapon.
during sex i make her say that shes my whore, my bitch.
Once after argument she was acting like a bitch, and i literally pulled her to the bedroom by her hair and fuked her brains out....she was kissing my ass for a month.

the sex part i destroy her, and she even says that im good in bed and she cums multiple times nearly every time we have sex, sometimes i have gone too rough and made her bleed. Used to have sex like 5 times a week ATLEAST for the first 1 year and a half, and now 3 years in we have sex like 1-2 times a week, dont know if thats a good amount to reflect the attraction she has for me?

But yea like u said i have become her emotional tampon, always there for her even if she being disrespectful - dont know how i got into this position.
Gonna take on your advice.
Thanks a lot bro!
Author:  johnnyturner [ Thu Dec 18, 2014 5:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
hey man,
so yesterday i ignored her whole evening and just messaged her saying good night. She replied saying oh how comes u didnt talk today?

and now today i havent messaged her at all today and neither has she..

Still cool for me to not initiate a conversation with her?
or is it fine for me to ask her hows work etc?
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Thu Dec 18, 2014 6:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
Quote:
i ignored her whole evening and just messaged her saying good night. She replied saying oh how comes u didnt talk today?
I would have simply said 'busy'.

I'm guessing she didn't message you either?
And that was her reply when you broke down and initiated?

At least she started to wonder.

There are times when maintaining your integrity is going to require balls of steel.
Author:  johnnyturner [ Thu Dec 18, 2014 6:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
so today,
no message from her..
Shall i continue to ignore?
or message her very late at night say something like "hey was super busy today- get ur big booty ready for saturday"
suppose to go out on saturday and shes been begging me for sex for last week now.
Author:  luvmiddleage [ Thu Dec 18, 2014 6:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
Quote:
Quote:
i ignored her whole evening and just messaged her saying good night. She replied saying oh how comes u didnt talk today?
I would have simply said 'busy'.

I'm guessing she didn't message you either?
And that was her reply when you broke down and initiated?

At least she started to wonder.

There are times when maintaining your integrity is going to require balls of steel.
"Balls of steel", probably the best three word description of tight game.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Thu Dec 18, 2014 6:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
Quote:
so today,
no message from her..
Shall i continue to ignore?
or message her very late at night say something like "hey was super busy today- get ur big booty ready for saturday"
suppose to go out on saturday and shes been begging me for sex for last week now.
Ask yourself if that sentence sounds like rewarding her for her shitty behavior.

Save that nugget for when/if she contacts YOU.

Are you not going to see her til Saturday?

While your thinking, or spanking your tool, or whatever. read this on messaging;

7-texting-mistakes-stolen-from-a-pro-vt ... %20a%20pro
Author:  johnnyturner [ Thu Dec 18, 2014 7:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: What do i do?
i am not meeting her till saturday, and today till now (7:16pm) there has been no msgs from her.
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