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Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choice ?
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Author:  lowriderzzz [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 10:48 am ]
Post subject:  Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choice ?
The girl i'm with right now.. we get together well but there are some things that I don't especially like she doing.

Like that she is very inconsistent - in other words, changes her opinion often and sometimes while in the middle of something she will start doing something else.

Actually is that so bad or I'm just too capricious. There is still a lot of other positive qualities in her but i don't idealize.

How do you is this a good option to address it and try to ask her to work on it (of course not push her into doing it). Or its better to play it as not paying attention to it.

We are in very early stage in "relationship" but we know each other for a long (8yrs) time.
Author:  Dragula [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 10:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
Just talk to her.

However, why get into a relationship if there is a bunch of stuff you're not happy with from the get go?
Author:  lowriderzzz [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 1:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
Quote:
Just talk to her.

However, why get into a relationship if there is a bunch of stuff you're not happy with from the get go?
its not a bunch of stuff. Its just this one thing, and I can bare somehow with it.

But im asking different question.

Should i even address it so early in RS.
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 3:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
No, just ignore it. A relationship is a compromise. What you described doesn't sound that bad, she just sounds a bit scatty, which is nothing serious. I'm guessing you're a perfectionist and you keep your rooms extremely tidy and clean. This is just a clash of personality. Don't let your OCD get in the way of your relationship.

It's not like she is flirting / texting other guys or treating you badly. Let it go.
Author:  lowriderzzz [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 3:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
Quote:
No, just ignore it. A relationship is a compromise. What you described doesn't sound that bad, she just sounds a bit scatty, which is nothing serious. I'm guessing you're a perfectionist and you keep your rooms extremely tidy and clean. This is just a clash of personality. Don't let your OCD get in the way of your relationship.

It's not like she is flirting / texting other guys or treating you badly. Let it go.
Yes... you are very accurate.

My natural instinct is to make a point of it, but my prev. experience shows me all negative things follow if do it.

So I just play it as nothing that serious, accept it and look forward for having a good time.
Author:  neo87 [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 3:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
Lol if you've known her for 8 years you've known she was scatter brained.
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 3:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
Yes. She is not doing anything wrong. It's just your perfectionist personality which is making you believe she is behaving badly.

I recommend you take this OCD test and let us know the results:

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/do-i-have-ocd
Author:  lowriderzzz [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 3:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
Quote:
Lol if you've known her for 8 years you've known she was scatter brained.
Yea I definitely knew that, but until we hooked up I didn't cared about it.

I actually started care because of my last night experience with her.
Author:  Eddie Fews [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 6:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
For starters,

You have to stop holding women to the standard of a man. Women change their mind OFTEN, which is why I rarely if ever put to much value into the things they say. I put my value in my ability to effectively lead despite what she may be feelings or saying at any given time.

Second,

A woman is only going to continue to do the things she feels like she can get away with. If she knows you're still going to be there for her and treat her the same way you always do what is there to change for? Whats the consequence of saying "fuck you" and continuing to do what they want to do? Why put in all that effort to change a behavior when you're going to treat them the same either way?
Author:  lowriderzzz [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 7:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
Quote:
Yes. She is not doing anything wrong. It's just your perfectionist personality which is making you believe she is behaving badly.

I recommend you take this OCD test and let us know the results:

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/do-i-have-ocd
Yea I got your point. I don't want to be perfectionist.

I took the test and..."sorry to disappoint you"(joking here) but I don't have OCD.

Most (if not all) my answers were NO. Although sincerely if there was a scale between YES and NO some of them would fall somewhere in between or if there was a SOMETIMES answer this would fit as well.

But anyway I understand psychology quite well, I just don't have much experience in relationships.
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 7:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
Good, you should ignore her behaviour then. She hasn't done anything wrong. I suspect the PUA community has clouded your judgement on this one. You only need to "punish" your girl if she treats you badly or betrays you etc.
Author:  lowriderzzz [ Sun Nov 16, 2014 8:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
Quote:
Good, you should ignore her behaviour then. She hasn't done anything wrong. I suspect the PUA community has clouded your judgement on this one. You only need to "punish" your girl if she treats you badly or betrays you etc.
true that.
Author:  deedar7 [ Sat May 28, 2016 3:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
Quote:
Yes. She is not doing anything wrong. It's just your perfectionist personality which is making you believe she is behaving badly.

I recommend you take this OCD test and let us know the results:

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/do-i-have-ocd
In this ocd test, i got very high score.
Author:  n2thevoid [ Sat May 28, 2016 4:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
Quote:
The girl i'm with right now.. we get together well but there are some things that I don't especially like she doing.

Like that she is very inconsistent - in other words, changes her opinion often and sometimes while in the middle of something she will start doing something else.

Actually is that so bad or I'm just too capricious. There is still a lot of other positive qualities in her but i don't idealize.

How do you is this a good option to address it and try to ask her to work on it (of course not push her into doing it). Or its better to play it as not paying attention to it.

We are in very early stage in "relationship" but we know each other for a long (8yrs) time.
why does it bother you? you have a strong need for predictability/consistency not being met?
Author:  groovy_boy [ Sun May 29, 2016 11:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Does telling her what I don't like in her is a good choi
Funny how random posts resurface threads after 1.5 years :lol:
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