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Need quick help with ex gf / ffriend!
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Author:  murovsky [ Thu Oct 23, 2014 4:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Need quick help with ex gf / ffriend!

Hi, thanks for reading. I need a quick advice with an ex of 6 months who's now a friend. I ended the relationship because I realized she wasn't ready (she's still a bit hurt by her last relationship's traumatic end).

Now a couple weeks later, she wants to be friends, or better, ffriends. I know she's a girl who likes freedom, so do I, and we can both bennefit from this.

The question is, how do I keep attraction up when accepting her offer, without sounding too easy?? I have to still sound like a bit of a challenge, as she likes this very much.

Please send me tips on how to position myself and what to say. Thanks!!

Author:  JackZero [ Thu Oct 23, 2014 4:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Need quick help with ex gf / ffriend!

If that's what she really wants, you don't have any work to do. Act like you're acting right now, have sex with her when you want and then go home and do your own thing.

The thing is, that's not really what she wants. She is luring you in by sex. Once she does that, she is going to picture it as a relationship and likely won't say anything unless she finds out that you're with other women. This is common with most fwb after breaking off a relationship.

Author:  murovsky [ Thu Oct 23, 2014 5:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Need quick help with ex gf / ffriend!

Quote:
If that's what she really wants, you don't have any work to do. Act like you're acting right now, have sex with her when you want and then go home and do your own thing.

The thing is, that's not really what she wants. She is luring you in by sex. Once she does that, she is going to picture it as a relationship and likely won't say anything unless she finds out that you're with other women. This is common with most fwb after breaking off a relationship.
I am pretty sure she wants to be friends. I broke up with her because I felt that she was not ready for commiting. I froze her out a bit and she came to me yesterday saying that she would love to do things together, bla bla bla. The sex we had was amazing, and I am sure she wants more.

I just want to sound a bit of a challenge, and increase attraction. I am the one who wanted a relationship.

Author:  CARLOC424 [ Thu Oct 23, 2014 7:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Need quick help with ex gf / ffriend!

Im in a similiar boat as you Murovsky, she says that she wants to be friends, but Im having a hard time understanding the boundaries of this dynamic. After a couple of amazing time spent together, she tells me that we should pump the brakes, and keep our relationship simply as ffriends. She wants the affection when we hook up, but then distances herself when were not together. Im intersted to see what light people can shed on this.

Author:  breedlove465 [ Thu Oct 23, 2014 9:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Need quick help with ex gf / ffriend!

Quote:
Hi, thanks for reading. I need a quick advice with an ex of 6 months who's now a friend. I ended the relationship because I realized she wasn't ready (she's still a bit hurt by her last relationship's traumatic end).

Now a couple weeks later, she wants to be friends, or better, ffriends. I know she's a girl who likes freedom, so do I, and we can both bennefit from this.

The question is, how do I keep attraction up when accepting her offer, without sounding too easy?? I have to still sound like a bit of a challenge, as she likes this very much.

Please send me tips on how to position myself and what to say. Thanks!!
Just accept the offer. Where you could possibly go wrong is while you are FWB, don't be overly available, emotionally or physically. If she starts wanting yall to hang out too much outside of meeting up for sex, or starting to go on dates or anything, you just have to be steadfast that that isn't what you're looking for.

If you're really worried about how to accept it you could tell her that you'll think about being fbuddies and then get back to her and then wait for her to contact you again. When she does tell her that your down with it. This way it still seems like she's having to chase you just to get sex. I think it's probably unnecessary though.

Author:  murovsky [ Sat Oct 25, 2014 5:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Need quick help with ex gf / ffriend!

Quote:
Im in a similiar boat as you Murovsky, she says that she wants to be friends, but Im having a hard time understanding the boundaries of this dynamic. After a couple of amazing time spent together, she tells me that we should pump the brakes, and keep our relationship simply as ffriends. She wants the affection when we hook up, but then distances herself when were not together. Im intersted to see what light people can shed on this.
That's exactly what's going on with me. I think she's finally moved on. I haven't heard from her since I said it would be ok to meet her up sometime. I'm not contacting her again so soon... It's sad, but I have to admit she just wants to fuck around, and wasn't really into me, despite all the other clues.

Author:  EnsoNytes [ Sat Oct 25, 2014 7:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Need quick help with ex gf / ffriend!

Quote:
That's exactly what's going on with me. I think she's finally moved on. I haven't heard from her since I said it would be ok to meet her up sometime. I'm not contacting her again so soon... It's sad, but I have to admit she just wants to fuck around, and wasn't really into me, despite all the other clues.
I'm pretty much in the same situation right now...and let me say it fucking sucks.

I tinkered with game a year ago and ended up getting involved with a girl 5 years old than me (she was 27 and divorced). I felt like I was in over my head (I was actually a virgin at the time) and I started developing feelings for her. We only dated for about a month, and after awhile I opened up more to her and told her how I was really a virgin and more inexperienced than I maybe advertised initially. She started to go cold on me until one day she stopped responding to my calls/texts. I got pretty twisted up over it and I threw myself full throttle into game. That all happened around the same time last year.

Fast forward to now. I have been going out consistently since then. I have had sex with 9 girls, most of those being SNLs. I've gotten a ton of makeouts and numbers (and a ton of rejections/flakes), and a few fuck buddies. I never really got hung up over a girl though like I did the 27 year old. Out of all the girls I had sex with, nothing really ended up developing from them. I had been having fun with gaming, but part of me still felt strongly that the only purpose to game is to become more experienced and improve as a person so that you can find a girl you can be serious with and not be insecure.

So about a month ago (the irony is sickening) I met a girl out on the street while I was promoting (I'm a promoter for nightclubs now). It was just another girl for the headcount initially. However, she ended up expressing interest in me and I ended up having sex with her on a day 2. She was a sorority girl (I'll call her SG) and I told her up front that I wasn't really looking for a relationship. I took a liking to her though and continued sleeping with her. I started to really like the idea that this could be a girl I could take a break from game for. She expressed a lot of interest in me, and did her best to get me to be more open minded about being in a relationship. She said that she thought I was just being scared to commit in someone, and I couldn't completely disagree with her. Anyway, everything was heading towards a relationship. We did things and expressed things that were beyond fuck buddy status.

However, I started to feel myself beginning to chase. She was a lousy texter, and would habitually start to blow off my texts. I got insecure because I remember what happened the last time I went down this path. I opened up to her about how I felt, and I told her how I was a little insecure about it because of what the 27 year old did. She assured me that I was special to her. Long story short, I fell into a feedback loop of asking her if she was actually into me, her saying yes, but then doing things that said otherwise. I would ask her out and she would not respond and I'd see on social media that she was out with guy friends of hers instead.

I eventually asked her if I were to ask her to be in an exclusive relationship with me, if she would say yes. Her answer was no. She said that she would be too busy with school/work, and that she ended up realizing that she wasn't ready for a relationship after all. I felt crushed, to say the least. I continued to chase and I tried to find some resolve in the whole matter. She told me how she was scared of committing herself, but that she still wanted me in her life and I wasn't wasting my time by continuing to talk to her. I told her how I initially didn't want to commit to her because I was scared, but I chose to invest anyway because she made me feel that my feelings would be reciprocated. I told her how I still wanted to be exclusive with her, and she quietly agreed to try.

A few days later I told her that it was wrong of me to basically force her to be exclusive, and that we should continue to get to know each other better. She still agreed that she wanted me in her life and didn't want to stop talking.

And then, lo and behold, she went cold on me. She won't return my calls or texts as of now. Everything has come full circle again a year later.

Author:  murovsky [ Sun Oct 26, 2014 3:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Need quick help with ex gf / ffriend!

Quote:
Quote:
That's exactly what's going on with me. I think she's finally moved on. I haven't heard from her since I said it would be ok to meet her up sometime. I'm not contacting her again so soon... It's sad, but I have to admit she just wants to fuck around, and wasn't really into me, despite all the other clues.
I'm pretty much in the same situation right now...and let me say it fucking sucks.

I tinkered with game a year ago and ended up getting involved with a girl 5 years old than me (she was 27 and divorced). I felt like I was in over my head (I was actually a virgin at the time) and I started developing feelings for her. We only dated for about a month, and after awhile I opened up more to her and told her how I was really a virgin and more inexperienced than I maybe advertised initially. She started to go cold on me until one day she stopped responding to my calls/texts. I got pretty twisted up over it and I threw myself full throttle into game. That all happened around the same time last year.

Fast forward to now. I have been going out consistently since then. I have had sex with 9 girls, most of those being SNLs. I've gotten a ton of makeouts and numbers (and a ton of rejections/flakes), and a few fuck buddies. I never really got hung up over a girl though like I did the 27 year old. Out of all the girls I had sex with, nothing really ended up developing from them. I had been having fun with gaming, but part of me still felt strongly that the only purpose to game is to become more experienced and improve as a person so that you can find a girl you can be serious with and not be insecure.

So about a month ago (the irony is sickening) I met a girl out on the street while I was promoting (I'm a promoter for nightclubs now). It was just another girl for the headcount initially. However, she ended up expressing interest in me and I ended up having sex with her on a day 2. She was a sorority girl (I'll call her SG) and I told her up front that I wasn't really looking for a relationship. I took a liking to her though and continued sleeping with her. I started to really like the idea that this could be a girl I could take a break from game for. She expressed a lot of interest in me, and did her best to get me to be more open minded about being in a relationship. She said that she thought I was just being scared to commit in someone, and I couldn't completely disagree with her. Anyway, everything was heading towards a relationship. We did things and expressed things that were beyond fuck buddy status.

However, I started to feel myself beginning to chase. She was a lousy texter, and would habitually start to blow off my texts. I got insecure because I remember what happened the last time I went down this path. I opened up to her about how I felt, and I told her how I was a little insecure about it because of what the 27 year old did. She assured me that I was special to her. Long story short, I fell into a feedback loop of asking her if she was actually into me, her saying yes, but then doing things that said otherwise. I would ask her out and she would not respond and I'd see on social media that she was out with guy friends of hers instead.

I eventually asked her if I were to ask her to be in an exclusive relationship with me, if she would say yes. Her answer was no. She said that she would be too busy with school/work, and that she ended up realizing that she wasn't ready for a relationship after all. I felt crushed, to say the least. I continued to chase and I tried to find some resolve in the whole matter. She told me how she was scared of committing herself, but that she still wanted me in her life and I wasn't wasting my time by continuing to talk to her. I told her how I initially didn't want to commit to her because I was scared, but I chose to invest anyway because she made me feel that my feelings would be reciprocated. I told her how I still wanted to be exclusive with her, and she quietly agreed to try.

A few days later I told her that it was wrong of me to basically force her to be exclusive, and that we should continue to get to know each other better. She still agreed that she wanted me in her life and didn't want to stop talking.

And then, lo and behold, she went cold on me. She won't return my calls or texts as of now. Everything has come full circle again a year later.

Basic mistake for both of us: we showed more interest than them, when we should be showing slightly less. Dont give up, its always a shit test. Everything is a shit test, some are bigger and take longer. If you persist being alpha you will succeed.

In my case, I accepted the offer of being a friend, which was kind of a mistake (you did the same) because she now feels that I am available. So I have to fix that, perhaps the only way for me now is to be patient, she will call, and then its my chance to revert the situation by showing a lot less interest in her. She will certainly feel it, and then you start having a bit more control. If you make her feel that way, its a win.

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