I have an amazing girlfriend. In our relationship, I can be kinda a dick sometimes lol and she puts up with it. She loves me A LOT. Logically speaking, she is a rare breed and a complete catch. This girl even gave me a free 2 day pass to do whatever I want with other girls because she had sex with 1 other guy. And I know, past is the past and you shouldn't worry about it. But the point I'm making is that she'll really go to great depths just to make me happy. If I asked for a threesome with another chick and my gf she would do it.
Logically speaking, she is simply amazing!
But emotionally speaking, IDK anymore. :/
I mean in the very beginning of the relationship it was crazy, I felt all these exciting emotions and whatnot. Then they started to slowly fade after the 3/4 month mark. And now I feel this burning sensation in my chest whenever I think about a future with her, I sure as hell am not ready. And honestly I am not sure if I even do want a future. But maybe that's my 23 year old mindset kicking in?
IDK it just feels weird. Like when she says "I love you" and I say it back, I question myself if I really mean it.
I don't think I am happy anymore. And I feel guilty cause she is a great person. Like today when we got in a tiny argument over text and I didn't see her at all, I felt happy and free. The 23 year old I want to go out and party and pick up chicks mindset kicked in and I liked it! Of course I didn't do that. And then when I plan on seeing her tomorrow, that weird burning sensation comes and goes from my chest and I'm not happy.
This is my first real relationship so I figure i post and ask people with experience in longterm relationships. (If 6.5 months is considered long term?)
And I'm being a complete dick to her, I know it's hurting her, but I know breaking up with her would hurt her more. And I'm not being a dick to her on purpose, I'm just trying anything and everything for me to be happy with her again. Basically, I'm telling her that she needs to learn how to do her make up as we are texting at this moment. Maybe if I can feel a strong physical attraction it will fix this?
Oh and also, I feel like physically speaking I could do better. She's not ugly, but she's no Megan Fox. She's a 7. IDK my cocky ass feels like I deserve a model, SMH. Amazing proportions! She doesn't do her make up most of the times, except every now and then a little mascara, and now that I have been haunting her about make up she's added foundation to her routine. She still doesn't know what she's doing and admits to having no idea on doing her own make up. She has natural beauty, so I am pushing her to get dolled up and dress up more cause I think she could be really pretty.
Please shed some light brahs. This is my first real relationship.
I also have to communicate to her how I'm feeling soon. As hard as it may be. It's just weird that I'm feeling this way. Again, logically, she is amazing. I told her this is my first real relationship once and I still want to get everything out of my system. (Meaning bang other chicks) And she told me to go do that and she would wait for me. Dafaq!? She is cool as fuck. Then again she has a kid because she was married, and in our culture what she did was a big nono and she does come with baggage of a child. But still, cool ass person imo.
Oh and it seemed like we were breaking up a few days ago, and I somehow managed to shed a tiny tear. I started thinking about our whole relationship, like it flashed by me and a tiny tear fell from my right eye. So wtf I'm confused?
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