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| A rule about relationships https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=184615 |
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| Author: | Tr@veler [ Tue Oct 14, 2014 3:11 pm ] |
| Post subject: | A rule about relationships |
This might apply mainly to long distance relationships, but nonetheless useful information. A rule I learnt today about relationships is to not make plans to see your girl until you are 100% certain that you can meet up. What I mean with that is this: even though you want to see your girl and want to tell her when you could come and see her, what is much better is just letting her wait and only when you know for certain when you can come and see her, that you make definite plans. Being definite in a relationship is important, as being wishy washy in your plans can only take your girl through unnecessary stress, false expectations, and disappointment. Don't tell her you COULD come on this or that date to see her, or meetup with her, tell her you are free from this period until this period, and that's when you can meet her/come see her. It is then up to her whether she also has time. If not, then the wait is longer. But no wishy washy shit of making plans and then having to disappoint by saying things like "my work/uni just gave me this and I have to attend to this or that meeting, I have to push the dates back". Being definite in your decision making, and waiting until you know 100% for sure when you have what in your schedule is all important. Yes you want to tell her that you want to see her, but you also don't want to disappoint her. I made that mistake over the past few days, as I tried to make plans to fly to Austria, taking time off from Uni, only to let her down twice about the exact dates, telling her that I can't actually book yet, even though we made plans to book today. As you might expect, she was disappointed. From now on the 100% certainty rule is one that I will try and follow like a ritual. Girls will give you these rules precisely how you need to hear them. My girlfriend said: "can you do me a favor and not make plans before you even know whats up in your uni because this daily changing in plans is exhausting" There we go. My mistake, and it won't happen again. Learn from this fellas. The 100% certainty rule. Even though you two are a team to make plans, make sure your end is taken care of first before you do. |
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| Author: | ddhh [ Mon Nov 03, 2014 11:12 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A rule about relationships |
This should apply not just with girls but with friends and professional contacts as well. |
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| Author: | brian.fritz1 [ Mon Nov 03, 2014 1:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A rule about relationships |
That's the number one rule in business as well. Don't advertise a product unless you are 100% sure you can deliver it to your client. God knows how many times I ordered something online only to recieve and email 1 day latter saying there are out of stock. |
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| Author: | chantos [ Mon Nov 03, 2014 6:46 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A rule about relationships |
you definitely don't want to be making and breaking plans nonstop, but be careful not to become too predictable. i would say it's more like a 75 percent rule. having literally nothing come up ever to break your plans communicates that you never have anything more important in your life than seeing your girlfriend. that's not an attractive trait. Quote: Girls will give you these rules precisely how you need to hear them. My girlfriend said: "can you do me a favor and not make plans before you even know whats up in your uni because this daily changing in plans is exhausting" . There we go. My mistake, and it won't happen again. Learn from this fellas. The 100% certainty rule. Even though you two are a team to make plans, make sure your end is taken care of first before you do. you're in trouble if you're thinking this way, my friend. girls should not be giving you any rules. i would have responded to your girlfriend "i'm in demand, babe," or something along those lines, then toned it back a bit with the premature planning. but to admit to that as being a mistake or to apologize for it and say it will never happen again... it's detrimental. |
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| Author: | Tr@veler [ Mon Nov 03, 2014 7:43 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A rule about relationships |
Quote: you definitely don't want to be making and breaking plans nonstop, but be careful not to become too predictable. i would say it's more like a 75 percent rule. having literally nothing come up ever to break your plans communicates that you never have anything more important in your life than seeing your girlfriend. that's not an attractive trait.
This is exactly the mentality that fucks up relationships. Sure you want to keep other things priorities in your life. However once in a relationship, taking proper care for your girlfriend is actually an attractive trait. Attraction changes in relationships. Relationships are about commitment. I sort of agree with your "75%" rule, that being predictable is without a doubt an unattractive quality that creates comfort and nothing more. However when a girl openly tells you what she doesn't like about you, being defensive is the last thing you want to do. A real man admits his mistakes and learns from them and moves on.
Quote: Girls will give you these rules precisely how you need to hear them. My girlfriend said: "can you do me a favor and not make plans before you even know whats up in your uni because this daily changing in plans is exhausting" . There we go. My mistake, and it won't happen again. Learn from this fellas. The 100% certainty rule. Even though you two are a team to make plans, make sure your end is taken care of first before you do. you're in trouble if you're thinking this way, my friend. girls should not be giving you any rules. i would have responded to your girlfriend "i'm in demand, babe," or something along those lines, then toned it back a bit with the premature planning. but to admit to that as being a mistake or to apologize for it and say it will never happen again... it's detrimental. |
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| Author: | chantos [ Mon Nov 03, 2014 8:54 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A rule about relationships |
Quote:
This is exactly the mentality that fucks up relationships. Sure you want to keep other things priorities in your life. However once in a relationship, taking proper care for your girlfriend is actually an attractive trait. Attraction changes in relationships. Relationships are about commitment. I sort of agree with your "75%" rule, that being predictable is without a doubt an unattractive quality that creates comfort and nothing more. However when a girl openly tells you what she doesn't like about you, being defensive is the last thing you want to do. A real man admits his mistakes and learns from them and moves on.
women, more now than ever before, need and want strong, decisive men. such men very rarely apologize for their actions, and never under circumstances as those you describe.the departure from that behavior is, in fact, exactly the mentality that is fucking up relationships left and right in our era. if you don't believe me ask any established person here if admitting your mistakes to your girlfriend is beneficial to a relationship in any way. that doesn't mean get defensive. it doesn't mean be an asshole. it doesn't mean keep making the mistakes. it means being strong and decisive, and not second-guessing your actions. |
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| Author: | maria_ [ Mon Nov 03, 2014 10:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A rule about relationships |
In my opinion truth lies between what chantos says and what op says.. No you shouldn't always say yes to everything.. but no you can't be an asshole to your gf. You should have the ability to judge if you have stepped out of line and you need to apologise or not be annoying etc... and also have the ability to know when the other person is taking advantage of your kindness and stand your own ground. Predictable is good and unpredictable is good depending the circumstances. But there should be a healthy balance. Predictable and sticking to the plans if you have planned something big like a trip or go somewhere important is good... But unpredictable for minor things such as picking up your phone or wanting to go somewhere is alright.. If you were unpredictable in serious plans then you are unreliable. If you are predictable into small things all the time then you are too much available and not interesting. Balance.. You don't want to be the dysfunctional person in the relationship but you also you don't want to be the yes person and the follower. Neither of them are desirable. You should be able to have an opinion. And yes women want strong men but a good leader is someone that inspires not someone that dictates.. There are big differences on that. If you follow because you have to that's bad... if you follow because you want to that's much better.. |
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| Author: | chantos [ Mon Nov 03, 2014 10:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: A rule about relationships |
Quote: But there should be a healthy balance. Predictable and sticking to the plans if you have planned something big like a trip or go somewhere important is good... But unpredictable for minor things such as picking up your phone or wanting to go somewhere is alright..
this exactly. one huge caveat to what i said is that if you make *major* mistakes you should absolutely apologize. e.g. you completely forget your gf's birthday and remember a week later. but OP's girlfriend is getting on his case for trying to make plans with her and not being able to follow through because something out of his control, school, is getting in the way. i'd not apologize for that. OP however comes in saying something that reads a lot like, "hey guys, if you don't know for absolute certain that you're going to be able to follow through on a plan, no matter how small, don't make it." who's life actually works that way? not mine. i get and agree with his overarching point but shit comes up sometimes that is more important than what you're doing with your gf and also it's just nice to be a bit unpredictable. hence my 75% idea. case in point: my gf works at a restaurant. she wanted me to come in and eat the other week. i said i would. something came up and i didn't. she got onto me about it and i didn't apologize (nor was i an asshole, i just told her something had come up, nbd). *but*, the next time i said i'd be there, i went. and afterward she said "thank you so much for coming. that was so nice," and she was just glowing about it the rest of the night. i believe my not coming the first time made the second time that much more rewarding to her. |
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