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Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
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Author:  jcsport46 [ Sat Oct 04, 2014 4:32 am ]
Post subject:  Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
I know there is a ton of guys coming to this particular section whining about there relationship issues and as much as I hate it...I'm that guy. Here it is

Broke up with my girlfriend after 3 years. She did not support me, made me feel miserable, and we always fought. I hated who I was. After a little moping I got my stuff together and my life back. Got my own place, advanced in my career, lost weight, and was banging more girls than I knew what to do with even turning it down on some nights. The only issue I had was that I liked to drink a lot at the clubs. Meanwhile my ex is constantly trying to contact me and I keep hitting the ignore button. That is until one day I feel lonely.

I let her come over after hearing some BS story to make me feel bad for her. Shes been drinking and I ask her to sleep on the couch but somehow I end up on top of her in my bed. I still tell her I don't want to be with her but 3 months later I find myself in a relationship again. Everything is actually good and I feel like she has really changed and maybe it is time for me to settle down. So after 6 more months I ask her to marry me and prove to her I am committed for the rest of my life to her and only her.

I get in a bad situation with alcohol one night (didn't cheat and not a womanbeater) and now she has something to hold above my head. I had some friends I stopped talking to because she told me they tried hitting on her when we broke up. I believe her, feel betrayed, and drop them but after confronting one of them, I find out it was actually her that was hitting on them and I had proof. When I confront her she turns it around which she always does. She never admits to her mistakes and constantly makes me question myself. She is literally making me crazy and this whole sobriety thing a whole lot harder.

Right now I feel weak. I know I'm not the most perfect person and I admit when I am wrong but I feel like she uses this to her control. She doesn't care what happens in my life as long as she is in control of it. I really feel like I'm dealing with a narcissitic personality type girl. It's sad for both her and me and every time I try to leave I always feel terrible because she brings up all the things shes been with me through and how much she has tried to make it work no matter what.

Has anyone ever dealt with this kind of girl before and how common is this? Is she the type that won't be happy until she has her whooping boy eating out the palm of her hand? I'm not going to be that guy. I see guys like that and they are pathetic. A part of me wants to be able to get my stuff together, man up, and handle her emotions and another part of me says get out because this deal is done (whooping boy is not an option). Please comment
Author:  n2thevoid [ Sat Oct 04, 2014 7:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
"I let her come over after hearing some BS story to make me feel bad for her. Shes been drinking and I ask her to sleep on the couch but somehow I end up on top of her in my bed. I still tell her I don't want to be with her but 3 months later I find myself in a relationship again. "

Way to take responsibility for yourself and NOT assume a victim mentality...

Whatever dude, until you start taking responsibility for your life nothing will change.

Not gonna sit here and tell you you're an idiot, that's actually what you want to just sit there wallow and feel bad for a situation you'd created. Some other guys here will do that for you, rest assured.
Author:  maria_ [ Sat Oct 04, 2014 11:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
She is not in love with you. You are the one that has feelings for her. She is there for her convenience. Who else would had taken her back after cheating and all the drama?
Don't bother with the arguments. She will always turn it around in her favour. There is nothing for you to argue about. It is time for you to take action.
And btw, why did you propose to her? Not only she tried to cheat on you but she tried to do it with your friends.
How would you trust her if you marry her that she is not going to do it even with your own family? She obviously has no morals.
On the other hand, someone that is that manipulative do you trust them with your money and property? Can you imagine her as a wife having a common account with you? How would you feel if one day you discover that she was taking your hard earned money to make herself pretty so she can go and sleep around? Do you trust this woman to be the mother of your kids? Are you sure she won't turn your kids against you one day?
She is obviously not suitable to be your wife.
Don't get fooled by her efforts to keep the relationship going. The relationship is not good. The only purpose is satisfying is to keep her going with her controlling ways. Of course she would put some effort at some point to secure what she has. Who wouldn't? Do you know many people that can have their cake and eat it too not to want to extend their comfort?
You will do yourself a favour changing your number and deleting hers from your phone just in case you drank dial it. The more you stay in this situation the more it destroys you emotionally and makes you less able to have in the future a decent woman that will add to your life.
There are many girls out there that have the qualities to settle down with a man and make him happy. Don't waste your time on a dead end situation.
You might feel familiar with her and share memories but this is something that you can have with someone new.
Write a list of things that you think that she has and you like her. Just do it. Leave it for 10 min and go back and read it and ask yourself "can I find someone that has these qualities?". The answer is yes. And not only you will find those qualities but you can have less negative things as well.
Just make sure before you move on to the next gf you are completely over this woman. The next girl doesn't deserve to put up with hurt from your past. Also any baggage of this relationship will set bad foundations for the next one.

P.S. Make sure you take the ring back. Sell it and spend the cash on a nice vacation. ;)
Author:  younglady [ Sat Oct 04, 2014 3:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
n2thevoid is right. Time to start accepting responsibility for your bad choices. Those things didn't "just happen".
Author:  chantos [ Sat Oct 04, 2014 3:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
get out of the relationship. you will find a better woman and be happier. next time, do not give the woman all of the decision-making power in the relationship.
Author:  jcsport46 [ Sun Oct 05, 2014 12:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
Quote:
"I let her come over after hearing some BS story to make me feel bad for her. Shes been drinking and I ask her to sleep on the couch but somehow I end up on top of her in my bed. I still tell her I don't want to be with her but 3 months later I find myself in a relationship again. "

Way to take responsibility for yourself and NOT assume a victim mentality...

Whatever dude, until you start taking responsibility for your life nothing will change.

Not gonna sit here and tell you you're an idiot, that's actually what you want to just sit there wallow and feel bad for a situation you'd created. Some other guys here will do that for you, rest assured.
As bad as I want to say kiss my a@$ I have to agree with you. I created this situation to happen and now it is my responsibility to get out. I put her on a pedastal from the beginning and I lost control of the relationship. When we got back together the 2nd time I was the one in control but eventually it was lost. I did this and its a shame but I will know better next time.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and I'm not trying to play a victim card. I just wanted to hear if anyone else has dealt with this and how they might of got through it. Females can play with our mind just as much as we can play with them. They have a game too and if you don't control your LTR she will. I hope others can learn from this and I'm onto the next step. It sucks right now but this is not worth a lifetime of misery. I'll post back in a few months on how everything goes and appreciate the support
Author:  n2thevoid [ Sun Oct 05, 2014 6:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
Quote:
Quote:
"I let her come over after hearing some BS story to make me feel bad for her. Shes been drinking and I ask her to sleep on the couch but somehow I end up on top of her in my bed. I still tell her I don't want to be with her but 3 months later I find myself in a relationship again. "

Way to take responsibility for yourself and NOT assume a victim mentality...

Whatever dude, until you start taking responsibility for your life nothing will change.

Not gonna sit here and tell you you're an idiot, that's actually what you want to just sit there wallow and feel bad for a situation you'd created. Some other guys here will do that for you, rest assured.
As bad as I want to say kiss my a@$ I have to agree with you. I created this situation to happen and now it is my responsibility to get out. I put her on a pedastal from the beginning and I lost control of the relationship. When we got back together the 2nd time I was the one in control but eventually it was lost. I did this and its a shame but I will know better next time.


I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and I'm not trying to play a victim card. I just wanted to hear if anyone else has dealt with this and how they might of got through it. Females can play with our mind just as much as we can play with them. They have a game too and if you don't control your LTR she will. I hope others can learn from this and I'm onto the next step. It sucks right now but this is not worth a lifetime of misery. I'll post back in a few months on how everything goes and appreciate the support
No. You were never in control, you just felt you were by employing a bunch of silly techniques and strategies you likely learned here. Get real for a moment, ok. You are operating under a frame of scarcity, most guys on this site are doing much the same and won't ever learn until they hit that epiphany moment where they realize they need to find themselves, experience what its like to be connected to one's self, not through another person, and only then will they operate out of abundance and get what they want out of life.

Relationships aren't "games". People aren't to be toyed with nor is their behavior entirely predictable as some of the members on the board would have you believe. If you're focused on power dynamics you'll always have shallow, empty relationships you are feverishly trying to keep together to satiate your attachment needs. Do the work or just keep jumping into shittyass relationships with immature women. Women play games? Maybe the ones you attract, but likely it is you who is playing the game and projecting that onto your partner. Until you learn not to do this you'll always perpetuate these insecure relationships.
Author:  jcsport46 [ Mon Oct 06, 2014 4:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
OK I have broke it off with her. We set down and discussed the situation. She didn't seem upset at first and agreed with me. At the end she started talking about all the good moments we had together. She then asked me to have my stuff out by this week.

It was a clean break up and I feel bad because of her age and situation (shes 31, I'm 28), however I also know that I can not live my life happy and support someone else when there is no romance/respect/trust. I felt a big relief after it was all said and done but I still have feelings for her. I also know that I can never ever go back again. I've blocked her number, started to move out of her house, and deleted FB for a while.

I'm old enough to know this site is full of crap sometimes but pick up has also taught me some things about myself and others I would have never known before. I am not the guy looking to go out and bang multiple women because I've been there done that and yes I used a lot of stuff from this site. It's great for a while but eventually it fades. Alcohol is also no longer a crutch for me and since I am no longer drinking this breakup will be different in many ways.

It is time to get myself together. Focus on things that I have lost and regain control of my life. The gym is a familiar place I will go back to and focus my energy on. I am also adopting some new techniques with spirituality/12 steps that I have never done before. Is there any other recommendations anyone has after getting through a long term break up?
Author:  maria_ [ Mon Oct 06, 2014 6:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
congratulations on being strong and doing the right thing for you.
Just surround yourself with family and friends and keep yourself busy. It is good that you started going to the gym and you are going to take it out of your system in a positive way.
Don't feel sorry about her age. She didn't care about it either. At her age she supposed to be more mature and know what she wants. It is not your responsibility to make her grow up.
Until now you did the right thing. You did all you could. Your consciousness must feel alright.
Don't get sucked back in the relationship thinking about the good memories. There always going to be good memories with someone. The next person you are going to meet is going to give you good memories too.
She used this trick with the memories to make you feel still connected to her. Ignore it. It is just another game.
Also the "take your stuff out of my house by the end of this week" is also another trick for your mind. It is to make you feel weaker when you move on. It is sort of a rejection. Don't buy it.
You are doing the right thing now. Keep your head up and keep going.
Even if you won't find the one you won't have someone to make you feel worse than being single.
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Wed Oct 08, 2014 5:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
WTF why did you propose if you were wading knee-deep in poontang?

I smell bullshit on this one. I don't believe you were getting laid as much as you claim.
Author:  jcsport46 [ Wed Oct 08, 2014 11:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
Quote:
WTF why did you propose if you were wading knee-deep in poontang?

I smell bullshit on this one. I don't believe you were getting laid as much as you claim.
Lol this made me laugh. I guess I thought I was finally ready to settle down and when you have something familiar come back after a year wrapped in a beautiful new package...it makes it a lot easier to go there. Once the package was open it still had the same person I left a year ago.

Getting laid by multiple women is great but it got old for me. Eventually I want to settle down but it has to be with the right woman. Moral of my story is, people don't change for other people. The only way they change is for themselves. Otherwise you just have a pretty package with nothing inside.

Call bs if you want but those that have been there understand and I'm sure you will too one day. :D

For now it's not about chasing women but more about chasing my goals and what I want. I'm sure I'll have multiple women again because I know how to play but it's not my main focus at this time in my life. (Plus I've tested this bud...The game is a lot easier when your not trying. Add this to your technique list and you'll go further in the places that YOU want to go) :idea:
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Thu Oct 09, 2014 3:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
So you post on here asking for advice because you became needy and AFC... And now you're the pickup expert? Ok.
Author:  jcsport46 [ Sat Oct 11, 2014 12:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Please help...breakup with narcissitic fiance
Not sure. If I told you I banged your mom last night would that help answer your rhetorical question?

Lmao I know I'm still a kid myself and afc to the max right now but im recovering... or whatever.

Thanks for the help again everyone. Starting to feel a lot better about the whole situation. In new Orleans about to have a good time with some good friends.
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