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urge to cheat
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Author:  samreedy [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 9:02 am ]
Post subject:  urge to cheat
So a bit about me, im 25 had 3 LTR's before spent around 6 months- a year between those having fun etc


Im now with a girl I have been meaning to get for ages, took me a long time to get her aswel and we decided to do it all properly, no sex until we were together, taken everything nice and slowly etc

about a month in she found messages on my facebook between me and a girl arranging to meet up for sex- which we diddnt in the end, I pulled out of it- I diddnt want to cheat and realised I was being an idiot

this caused her to feel terrible and me feel terrible etc, she had felt as if I had almost cheated on her by thinking


now I took her out to dinner etc and made it up to her and we have been really happy, we get along great and have a lot of fun together.... but I have lost interest in the sex

its usually because I am up early and by the time we get into bed I fall asleap pretty fast

a few weeks ago I decided to take like a 3 day break from her and stay at my parentes ( I half live there and half at hers) and it worked, we missed eachother and we came back and had some great sex


now this week I got home, fancied a frapp and was talking to some girl on facebook at the same time

nothing bad, I basically said whats for my birthday and she said a bj so I said ok ;)

I thought it was just a bit of harmless banter etc but the gf saw it and now we have had a bit of a falling out etc


I really like this girl and dont want to give up on her


so my question to you guys is how do you stop these urges to chat to other girls, even if it is harmless

and what to do when I loose interest in sex- shes always up for it, but I just seem to have lost interest
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 11:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
Why the fuck does she have access to your Facebook? Get your shit together man. Stop being careless.
Author:  samreedy [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 12:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
Quote:
Why the fuck does she have access to your Facebook? Get your shit together man. Stop being careless.

yeah tell me about it!


I spent the day replacing my gearbox on thursday and she wanted my phone to play games on

and decided to check my facebook....
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 12:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
"Just want your phone to play games on"

How stupid are you bro? At least dont leave facebook logged in. Or how about "Get your own phone, bitch!"
Author:  maria_ [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 2:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
Quote:
So a bit about me, im 25 had 3 LTR's before spent around 6 months- a year between those having fun etc


Im now with a girl I have been meaning to get for ages, took me a long time to get her aswel and we decided to do it all properly, no sex until we were together, taken everything nice and slowly etc

about a month in she found messages on my facebook between me and a girl arranging to meet up for sex- which we diddnt in the end, I pulled out of it- I diddnt want to cheat and realised I was being an idiot

this caused her to feel terrible and me feel terrible etc, she had felt as if I had almost cheated on her by thinking


now I took her out to dinner etc and made it up to her and we have been really happy, we get along great and have a lot of fun together.... but I have lost interest in the sex

its usually because I am up early and by the time we get into bed I fall asleap pretty fast

a few weeks ago I decided to take like a 3 day break from her and stay at my parentes ( I half live there and half at hers) and it worked, we missed eachother and we came back and had some great sex


now this week I got home, fancied a frapp and was talking to some girl on facebook at the same time

nothing bad, I basically said whats for my birthday and she said a bj so I said ok ;)

I thought it was just a bit of harmless banter etc but the gf saw it and now we have had a bit of a falling out etc


I really like this girl and dont want to give up on her


so my question to you guys is how do you stop these urges to chat to other girls, even if it is harmless

and what to do when I loose interest in sex- shes always up for it, but I just seem to have lost interest
If the shoe was worn on the other foot you would had been posting here about what a big slag is your gf.
However, you come here and you have all the guys supporting you and telling you that it is alright.
Double standards right?
Maybe you didn't do anything that bad... but you didn't do something good either.
The fact that you lost interest in sex is an indication that the relationship is finishing for you. You are becoming friends. Not all relationships are destined to last in time even if the beginning was as good as it supposed to.
To answer the question on how you supposed to stop the urges the answer is the same as you would if you wanted a chocolate bar and you were training and had to stick to a healthy diet.
If you would had lots of chocolate bars you end up fat at some point. Same goes as having lots of women. If you can't control yourself in flirting you will end up being single or have the vibe of the player.
There is nothing wrong with being single or a player... as well as there is nothing wrong to be fat. It is what you want from life.
Author:  maria_ [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 2:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
Quote:
"Just want your phone to play games on"

How stupid are you bro? At least dont leave facebook logged in. Or how about "Get your own phone, bitch!"
This is not advice on how to keep his relationship going. This is an advice on how to make power games start.
If you don't have honesty in a relationship you don't have a relationship.
If he wants an open relationship there is always the option to have a conversation with her or find other women, same as you and go forward with that style.
Being dishonest should not be encouraged. You are not being dishonest with your women ( I want to believe). Why are you promoting it?
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 3:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
Maria you misunderstood my post.

The person in the wrong here is the girlfriend. Betraying somebody's trust by snooping / hacking into their phone, facebook or emails is as bad as cheating. Whether he actually had been messaging other girls or not is irrelevant.

If you don't fancy your girlfriend, be more kinky in the bedroom. Roleplay, BDSM, watch porn together, go to fetish clubs, change the location, keep it fresh. If you still cant get an erection, the fair thing to do is dump her and find someone who makes you hard.
Author:  maria_ [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 3:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
I agree with the dumping part... but I don't agree that she is in the wrong.
Just trying to picture it.
He is distant, he is not having sex with her that often... she is insecure and want to know what is going on.
On the other hand he is flirting with other women, he has lost interest and he is saying anything about it or does anything about it.
So they are as bad as each other and they are both in the wrong.
Why is he flirting with other girls on facebook and he is not trying to spend that time with his girl?
His energy would be better used if he uses it to make or break the relationship rather than trying to argue about something petty which is facebook.
They have deeper problems than that.
Author:  JackZero [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 4:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
Quote:
I agree with the dumping part... but I don't agree that she is in the wrong.
Just trying to picture it.
He is distant, he is not having sex with her that often... she is insecure and want to know what is going on.
On the other hand he is flirting with other women, he has lost interest and he is saying anything about it or does anything about it.
So they are as bad as each other and they are both in the wrong.
Why is he flirting with other girls on facebook and he is not trying to spend that time with his girl?
His energy would be better used if he uses it to make or break the relationship rather than trying to argue about something petty which is facebook.
They have deeper problems than that.
So you'd be fine with it if you're boyfriend went through your stuff if he thought you were acting strange?
Author:  maria_ [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 4:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
Quote:
Quote:
I agree with the dumping part... but I don't agree that she is in the wrong.
Just trying to picture it.
He is distant, he is not having sex with her that often... she is insecure and want to know what is going on.
On the other hand he is flirting with other women, he has lost interest and he is saying anything about it or does anything about it.
So they are as bad as each other and they are both in the wrong.
Why is he flirting with other girls on facebook and he is not trying to spend that time with his girl?
His energy would be better used if he uses it to make or break the relationship rather than trying to argue about something petty which is facebook.
They have deeper problems than that.
So you'd be fine with it if you're boyfriend went through your stuff if he thought you were acting strange?
Yes. I don't have something to hide. That;s why I would give him the password both for my phone and facebook.
Problems would had started if I was either a) cheating on him or b) bitching about him behind his back.
In either cases there would had been some issues to be addressed. So if he would go through it, maybe i would had been annoyed but it would push some things to get resolved. Things that I wouldn't had the courage to address them. In a way it would take me out of the trouble having to initiate conversation.
Author:  samreedy [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 4:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
I do agree to a certain extent on many of those points

the lack of interest in sex i've put down to starting a new job- stress and being tired

and so lack of sex then when I get home from hers I want some- obviously shes not there so ive spoken to other girls

when we do have sex its really good, I love it- but mixing it up is a very good shout


so ive kinda answered my own questions


more sex=less chance I want to go chat up some other girls right?
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 5:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
@maria - But why would your boyfriend ever NEED your Facebook password, unless he was a controlling abusive insecure chode?

You need to learn from your mistakes. Never give a guy your password or let him go through your phone messages, even if you have nothing to hide. The principle is wrong, a good guy should respect your privacy. Only a guy who is fucked in the head would ask for your FB password. A good guy is one who trusts you and doesn't question your trust.
Author:  maria_ [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 5:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
Quote:
@maria - But why would your boyfriend ever NEED your Facebook password, unless he was a controlling abusive insecure chode?

You need to learn from your mistakes. Never give a guy your password or let him go through your phone messages, even if you have nothing to hide. The principle is wrong, a good guy should respect your privacy. Only a guy who is fucked in the head would ask for your FB password. A good guy is one who trusts you and doesn't question your trust.
It is facebook. It is not my pin number for my bank card!
I don't do privacy from a bf. That creates emotional distance.
I don't want that.
Men that insist on privacy, I know that they are more prone to cheating. ;)
Author:  neo87 [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 5:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
Lol at the going through someone's messages is as bad as cheating stuff. Seen this situation play out in reverse many times here and while snooping is condemned, never once heard it equated to be as bad as finding out your gf is setting up fuck sessions. Truth is, your gf should dump you. She can't trust you and she shouldn't have to be looking through your messages. But she found shit.

You're a cheater. Any other girl with sense would have dumped you immediately if after a month you're already looking to set something up with someone else. And even if you weren't seriously going to do it, it doesn't matter. You fucked up and she has to trust your word that it wasn't for real. Then you fucked up again. Maybe you aren't ready for a serious monogamous relationship. The bs about being too tired or whatever is just that, bs. If you are too tired for sex with your gf, but want to message other girls to meet up for sex, the tired stuff is not the problem. Cheat on her if you want to, that's your business. But don't play victim when caught doing shit. Or at least don't play victim here. If you've lost interest in her, just don't be with her.
Author:  Hunter_Foxe [ Sun Sep 28, 2014 5:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: urge to cheat
Quote:
It is facebook. It is not my pin number for my bank card!
I don't do privacy from a bf. That creates emotional distance.
I don't want that.
Men that insist on privacy, I know that they are more prone to cheating. ;)
Bullshit. I had a girlfriend who insisted on having my passwords many years ago and it didnt stop me from cheating. I just gave her my password and started a new account to cheat from instead. Having your boyfriend's password doesnt prove he is faithful. And not having access to his Facebook doesnt prove he is unfaithful either.

Your snooping approach will only lead to heartbreak. Sharing 100% EVERYTHING with your partner is unhealthy. You will get paranoid about the smallest things. You will monitor all messages he receives from other girls. Your mind will wander and its not good for your mind or your heart.

Sharing everything 100% is also the quickest way to get bored of each other. Part of the magic of a relationship is you discover new things about each other all the time.
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