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How do you deal with a girl like this guys?
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Author:  dorkley [ Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:34 pm ]
Post subject:  How do you deal with a girl like this guys?

My gf of several years (all in one night mind you!)

-kept asking me whose glasses those were in my house (after I said she left hers there) and they didn't end up being hers, so she thought I had another girl over and was quiet/slightly mistrusting me the whole night

-says she feels like I don't care as much as she does except during sex (even tho I got her jewelry for her bday, we have conversations, go on vacactions, ect. but the sex is often and good)

-she said that the glasses thing isn't the first time something like this has happened, for instance perfume in my car (was my sisters for real), and lipstick deep in my couch (ok, from years ago another girl)

Is she just low self esteem? She apologized for all this but I don't like reassuring her of my feelings. I kinda say she is being silly

She asked me "you really trust me 100%" and I told her I do

Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Thu Jul 31, 2014 3:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How do you deal with a girl like this guys?

Shit testing. Classic girl code.

Author:  dorkley [ Thu Jul 31, 2014 3:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How do you deal with a girl like this guys?

Quote:
Shit testing. Classic girl code.
Did I pass?

To the glasses, I kept joking that they were the boogeyman's, then after she KEPT harping on it I told her she was being silly.

To the "this isn't the first time" I pretty much told her she was being silly but again, I told her to just relax and be with me not worry so much

to the "you don't care as much as me" I said nothing for a long time and she was like "well I guess I got my answer then" then after a bit of talking (no real supplicating) I told her "I love you too" after she had said it.

She was like "I just care about you and don't want to get screwed over"

But by the end of the night it became ridiculous. I told her it is kinda hard to have sex with someone who is constantly saying "you don't want it?" ect.

I brush these off constantly but literally when I don't get a boner pre sex she asks me that

Also man, I brush off her shit tests so much that she says constantly that I brush off everything she says and dismiss her.

Author:  J.Daniels [ Thu Jul 31, 2014 4:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How do you deal with a girl like this guys?

Give it 2-3 weeks until its completely forgotten about, then do something nice. Others may say its beta, but send some flowers or something as a surprise. (Don't do it yet, she'll think it was inspired by her little outburst)

Author:  dorkley [ Thu Jul 31, 2014 4:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How do you deal with a girl like this guys?

I pretty much told her I understand that she is a little insecure sometimes

Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Thu Jul 31, 2014 4:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How do you deal with a girl like this guys?

Obviously if she's shit testing you that often, there's a problem.

She is acting very insecure.

It's a trust issue, I'm guessing based on past or present events.

Author:  oceanx [ Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How do you deal with a girl like this guys?

A nice cocktail of shit testing + drama stirring. I agree, classic girl code. Stay stoic; be a man; don't give in to her fits. Let her act out; let her know that you appreciate a mature woman who trusts her man.

Author:  maria_ [ Thu Jul 31, 2014 11:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: How do you deal with a girl like this guys?

Quote:
Quote:
Shit testing. Classic girl code.
Did I pass?

To the glasses, I kept joking that they were the boogeyman's, then after she KEPT harping on it I told her she was being silly.

To the "this isn't the first time" I pretty much told her she was being silly but again, I told her to just relax and be with me not worry so much

to the "you don't care as much as me" I said nothing for a long time and she was like "well I guess I got my answer then" then after a bit of talking (no real supplicating) I told her "I love you too" after she had said it.

She was like "I just care about you and don't want to get screwed over"

But by the end of the night it became ridiculous. I told her it is kinda hard to have sex with someone who is constantly saying "you don't want it?" ect.

I brush these off constantly but literally when I don't get a boner pre sex she asks me that

Also man, I brush off her shit tests so much that she says constantly that I brush off everything she says and dismiss her.
No you didn't pass the tests. Believe me. Even if she stops complaining and she drops it she will bring it up again at a latter date at another argument.
Just go and tell her who the glasses are and have a matter of fact tone. I hope you were not cheating but say a name or two if you are not sure and make sure you return them back so she knows you are not hiding something. Unless you want her freaking out or jealous to create tension don't play with jealousy.
Obviously you were not giving her a matter of fact answer this is why she was freaking out.
When you keep brushing off things you are not changing anything or winning much. You just skip the drama for the moment but you building it up for the future.
If you overdo it then you come across as too cold and uninterested. It is better if you brush off things sporadically or else you are creating "gaps" in your relationship that can allow space for another man to enter in her life.
If for example you were upset about something and someone else told you that you were silly and to calm down first time you would accept it. Second time you would be even more upset etc.
Deal with things. If you don't come across as honest even the most secure person will act insecure because this is a normal reaction to what is happening.

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