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HELP: internet nice guy vs. real-life nice guy
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Author:  andwan0 [ Thu May 22, 2014 10:48 am ]
Post subject:  HELP: internet nice guy vs. real-life nice guy
I am in a weird situation. Day gamed a girl on the street. Coffee date at a later date. Then "adventure date" at another later date. Ended with f-close. Success!

I did a few more "adventure dates" on the following 3 next weekends. Things are going good. Whether I classify her as my girlfriend... I don't know, but it's a intimate sexual relationship to-this-date (and she seems up for it everytime she meets me).

Then she tells me she is "dating" a guy for the past 4 months from another country met over the internet - but never met in person yet. Just SPAM calls, etc. She says she had dated guys from this city, carefully filtered out players, etc. and narrowed it down to the gentle/nice internet guy. They had already arranged he come here for 4 days to see her.

The internet guy came to this city. She saw him. I kept quiet because I saw my relationship with her too premature. It would've been better if she never told me about her problems - all it's caused me with jealously/bad thoughts.

After internet guy left, me and her met up for our 1-monthersary of 1st sex/kiss (cheesy thing). She told me:

- he got bit fatter than his profile pic coz she thought he was athletic
- he lied about being a social smoker coz he smoked discretely while with her
- she did say it was a bit boring, coz he's too academic-minded? and that I was better than him?
- she says that me & other guy are BOTH nice good guys and we (me & him) even said the same things when she told other guy about me, he said "don't want to lose her, just wants her to be happy, etc."
- her friends advised she should chose carefully which guy to go with
- she's still undecided
- she even suggested to me I get another girl just to make it "fair" (but I've told her that I've already chosen)

(plus, we were like couples again, even on the same day he left... had romantic dinner and slept at hers... and she even said it's totally confusing her)

So what I totally don't understand is, how can a girl still be attached to a long-distance relationship, probably hasn't k-close or f-closed other guy... while am consistently sleeping with her? Everytime we see each other, it's intimate and sexual.

Just when I thought I was safe and thought she picked me... she phoned me next day and said she still undecided.

I really want to be exclusive/committed to this girl. So I've come to seek advice/counsel from this community.

My action-points:

- I cannot be needy or controlling about this situation
- I cannot tell her what to logically do, only tell her to follow her feelings
- I cannot get angry or argue with her about this situation
- I must develop inner-game more since this is probably the only thing I can do consistently
- anytime she talks about her BF problems, I must politely acknowledge then divert the subject to take her mind off it.
- punish/reward her for good/bad behavior (give/take away attention, etc.)
- setting frames, controlling frames
Author:  neo87 [ Thu May 22, 2014 12:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: HELP: internet nice guy vs. real-life nice guy
1. She's crazy/stupid
2. They fucked

Personally, if it were me I'd keep her as a FWB and not get serious with a girl this messed up.
Author:  CharlesFinley [ Thu May 22, 2014 12:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: HELP: internet nice guy vs. real-life nice guy
I think she probably has k-closed and f-closed the fat social smoker. Seems logical if he'd come in for 4 days and if he was a legit option for her, that she'd test the sexual waters with him, much as she has with you...

You can go one of two ways here...

1) Tell her you want to be exclusive with her and you're not OK with this whole other thing... or:

2) You won't like this advice but it's the option I'd pick: Do exactly as she suggests and date others. She has full control of your relationship right now and you're setting yourself up to get played with and fucked over.

Hedge your bets.

Plus having other girls on the go will make you not care as much about this one.
Author:  AFCToTheMax [ Fri May 23, 2014 3:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: HELP: internet nice guy vs. real-life nice guy
She is ok with you dating others. You are not ok with her dating others. So I see the only option is to tell her this straight up. If she is not happy with it or can't decide then tell her that you understand but that's not what you want so you two are better off with each other and you go no contact.
Trust me if she really wants you she will run to you.
You are doing yourself a disservice by not going after what you want.
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