PUA Forum :: The clingy mindset

First it's not a problem that she is not dependent. It's a good thing. You can learn a lot from her actually. It's how both of you should be to be able to have a meaningful relationship where love is something selfless and not used to fill voids in your life.

It's good that you know that you need validation outside of yourself. But this is not because you are a feeler. It's likely because you are insecure and needy. Which is an unhealthy trait especially in long term relationships because not only she has to take care of her needs she has to take care of yours which will make her tired and resentful and it's quite a turnoff.

So I recommend you learn how to take care of all your needs without having to be in a relationship in a first place. Only then you can actually give without expecting anything in return. Which is one of the best traits a person can have.

I suggest you work on becoming more independent and build self esteem. There are books out there - David D Burns - Feeling good is a good way to start. There are lots of topic on this forum about this.

One more thing. I don't think there is a woman who is 10. Everybody has faults mate. Unless you talk purely about looks. Try to stop thinking about numbers. Think about fuckable / non fuckable. It will make your life so much easier.

Author:	Deepmind [ Thu May 15, 2014 6:26 am ]
Post subject:	The clingy mindset
I have a woman who is 10. Plain and simple, she is perfect. Only thing is that she is emotionally really strong and not dependent. She's MBTI type is INTP and mine is INFJ if anyone knows.. Don't really matter if you don't know MBTI. The problem here comes that I need validation outside of me because I am a feeler. Do you have any suggestions to read about this validation need of mine that I could start being more independent instead of clingy? Just saying that don't cling on her won't help. I need to know how to get the mindset not to cling.

Author:	Deepmind [ Thu May 15, 2014 6:45 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The clingy mindset
Well.. I don't have anymore.. that was fast Still, I would love to hear some literature from the topic. Shit happens ; )

Author:	Deepmind [ Thu May 15, 2014 7:55 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The clingy mindset
She messaged to me that she can't forgive me and this was the end. I answered to her, that I respect her decision. She replied that wants to call me. I said it's ok. She called and we talked it through and she wanted to continue the relationship. So typical in break up situations..

Author:	AFCToTheMax [ Thu May 15, 2014 8:55 am ]
Post subject:	Re: The clingy mindset
First it's not a problem that she is not dependent. It's a good thing. You can learn a lot from her actually. It's how both of you should be to be able to have a meaningful relationship where love is something selfless and not used to fill voids in your life. It's good that you know that you need validation outside of yourself. But this is not because you are a feeler. It's likely because you are insecure and needy. Which is an unhealthy trait especially in long term relationships because not only she has to take care of her needs she has to take care of yours which will make her tired and resentful and it's quite a turnoff. So I recommend you learn how to take care of all your needs without having to be in a relationship in a first place. Only then you can actually give without expecting anything in return. Which is one of the best traits a person can have. I suggest you work on becoming more independent and build self esteem. There are books out there - David D Burns - Feeling good is a good way to start. There are lots of topic on this forum about this. One more thing. I don't think there is a woman who is 10. Everybody has faults mate. Unless you talk purely about looks. Try to stop thinking about numbers. Think about fuckable / non fuckable. It will make your life so much easier.

Author:	Deepmind [ Thu May 15, 2014 2:02 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: The clingy mindset
Quote: First it's not a problem that she is not dependent. It's a good thing. You can learn a lot from her actually. It's how both of you should be to be able to have a meaningful relationship where love is something selfless and not used to fill voids in your life. It's good that you know that you need validation outside of yourself. But this is not because you are a feeler. It's likely because you are insecure and needy. Which is an unhealthy trait especially in long term relationships because not only she has to take care of her needs she has to take care of yours which will make her tired and resentful and it's quite a turnoff. So I recommend you learn how to take care of all your needs without having to be in a relationship in a first place. Only then you can actually give without expecting anything in return. Which is one of the best traits a person can have. I suggest you work on becoming more independent and build self esteem. There are books out there - David D Burns - Feeling good is a good way to start. There are lots of topic on this forum about this. One more thing. I don't think there is a woman who is 10. Everybody has faults mate. Unless you talk purely about looks. Try to stop thinking about numbers. Think about fuckable / non fuckable. It will make your life so much easier. Thanks! This was helpful and yes, I was talking about her looks

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