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| The point where shit is getting serious https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?f=128&t=177164 |
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| Author: | Stephen B. [ Sun Mar 23, 2014 3:16 pm ] |
| Post subject: | The point where shit is getting serious |
I've reached the stage where everything is at risk, this time for real, not qustion of insecurities, or ups/downs typical for relationships. Some members will know this from before, its close to 1 and a half year relationship, but last 6 months its long-distance, reason being college. We meet every other weekend (she comes home at such intervals mainly because of me, otherwise it would be even less frequent), holidays, and now summer is not far away. But knowing her, I think she has this classic type of female instability, where I have to be rock solid to lead her on, and also be careful about her sensitivity at certain times. In short, she doesn't hold up to her words, I know this is led by emotions, and things are true in one moment, different in another. The problem is, distance starts to bring some crap forth. Its irritating, occasions where we meet shortly, then next day she has to travel back, which sometimes causes inability to relax together, less opprotunities for sex, so we fought more often lately, I can also have my 'frame' broken (not much alpha game you can play in distance all the time), and we are both aware of that. But today on our last meeting before being away next 2 weeks, I calmly hinted a question if it she was thinking about breaking-up, and the answer surprised me. She weakly denied it at first, and then it was admitted in a way. But then she again took it back and said that I shouldn't let her pull away - she's very easily influenced, practically follows mind states, if I bring optimism, she'll respond in such a way, if pessimism, she'll also follow along. I am 100% sure, if I just finished it all, she would try to 'force' me back into relationship. I told her this will be hard, I wanted to prepare her, but she was too much stubborn that everything will be alright, tough but manageable at any cost, and now even though I bet she didn't consider break up for final, even admitting to these thoughts make me ignorant on what to do now. I accepted how she isn't too much of a character, when it comes to minor things, she will say she'll stop smoking or drinking, but I know she simply isn't able to. Or anything else really, she doesn't keep promises even to herself. But this made me distrust her ability to endure more important things in life as well, made me distrust her when it comes to relationship now. I mean fights are one thing, but even talking about break up in a normal discussion because some moment of hardship takes over is sort of a red alarm. Lately, she's been acting more withdrawn, less affectionate when away, I guess the longer it lasts thats when she's having those doubts I came to ask you for advice, how do you approach this? It affects me badly, and besides "break up instantly, distance doesn't work", can you share some experiences, and is there any positive approach? Should I just act stable, and not panic or is this a slow path to inevitable end? |
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| Author: | Starttoaster [ Wed Mar 26, 2014 8:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: The point where shit is getting serious |
I'm in kind of the same place as you. The best we can do is be confident and positive. Trust is key in long distance. And you may not be able to be alpha with her all the time the way the relationship is, but just be alpha with yourself. Know that you'd be okay if something happened. Just knowing that will put your mind in a better place with her, I think. |
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| Author: | Stephen B. [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 2:24 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: The point where shit is getting serious |
She sent she's worried(yeah, right) and few lines of text yesterday at about the same time. I responded later that its notghin - I'm just busy. Then proceeded with nexting her. But today I find that she also didn't send anything since then. I don't know if she called because I has my phone turned off. If she didn't then she plays along, or doesn't care and no-contact is something she wants. So, I will proceed with this until she breaks, even if it takes to vanish forever. There's a door of opportunity to pretty much doubt if she's focused on someone new over there. I don't think its distance really, it worked until now, and its too sudden she changed so much. |
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| Author: | Starttoaster [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 8:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: The point where shit is getting serious |
Definitely don't be the one to start a conversation. If she misses you, she will start it, and you might have to prove to her that you've got other good things in your life besides her by not being the guy trying to get a response from her all the time. If it doesn't work out from there, I'm sorry, man. In that case, she was gone no matter what you did. |
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| Author: | Stephen B. [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: The point where shit is getting serious |
Not sure if I explained correctly. She didn't want breakup, just said last time when we were together that it crossed her mind. But then she proceeded with RS like nothing happened. Plus, she lowered her affection generally. So this was enough for me and I decided to go extreme route. Just now (evening here), she called me over 13x and I didn't pick up the phone. She wrote a message that I crossed the line. But I remained radio silent. She either pretends she doesn't know whats happening, or she doesn't. But she's not that stupid. Her distant behaviour, and rare words of affection lately, affected me. I'm thinking what to do next... Should I pick up the phone, when its enough, or play games and act 'stupid'. The question is what will happen when I respond. |
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