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Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
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Author:  Nescio [ Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
Fellow Pua's.

Ok I need some insight on a pretty serious matter. I work as A bartender and this weekend I was working at my usual place. My girlfriend showed up and everything was cool and fun. Later an ex of me showed up as well. My girl saw her and started to laugh, say she was ugly, dissapointed in my former choice of women etc etc. She was being pretty negative about her. I understand she was doing this because.. well probably her own insecurity and she tried to make her feel better about the situation by talking others down. She kinda hit A nerve and I reacted by saying ''Well she is a model and the entire bar staff was jealous at the time so I think nobody is gonna agree with you on that.'' (she really is A model). And now shit got bad. She tried to talk me down completely. She said things like '' my exes are bodybuilders and look at your body'' (i'm in shape but not a model with a six pack or anything, not really feel the need to be like that either). And things got awkward real fast. I continued working and I took my girl home later that night. She went way out of line when she continued the fight and said ''you cant even make me come'' (this is not true she comes almost every time) in A public place where people started to stare at me. I know she said it just to f*ck me over and to make me feel bad. And well.... she succeeded. I was tired after a 10 hour bar shift and i got a bit emotional. I was hurt, dissapointed and mad that the girl I care about tried to deliberately destroy my confidence and was targeting my pride, manly hood and everything. I shed a little tear and almost broke up with her. she apologized and started to tell me that she doesn't know why she's always such a bitch when she is drunk( she always starts fights with me when she is drunk). She really tries to hurt me and it kinda got to me good that night.
Anyway the question is: What would you do? Dump her? she is trying to make me feel insecure for some reason, she is also always talking negative about other good looking girls to make her feel better I guess. Is this going to be way too destructive? And would you be able to get over such comments? I kinda feel emotional right now (i'm always alpha so its weird for me that a girl is really getting so close and i'm getting so emotional maybe i'm falling in love with a bitch who knows). I know most couples get into fights but this one really knows how to target my soul and she does it as soon as she had A few drinks.

Long opening post is know, there is a lot more to it off course but here is some additional info:
She is definitely a 10. Everybody is jealous at me for having that girl and she gets approached maybe 20 to 30 times a night.
We are in our early twenties.
We are dating for about 5 months now.
When sober she continuously tells me that she loves me and she initiate most of the sex.

I don't know if I am being a wimp for getting emotional or that I am a wimp for forgiving her(i'm trying to but i am actually feeling insecure after some of her bullshit, i got over being insecure when i was freaking 15). I wont accept being a pushover but i also don't want be to unforgiving.

Hoping on some insight from a few neutral perspectives. Thanks :wink:
English isn't my first language by the way forgive the grammar.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Tue Mar 11, 2014 7:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
Ask yourself this; Who is in control here, me or her?

A. Don't drink with her. Especially at your job!!
B. Don't put up with the bullshit. Don't feed into it like you've been obviously doing.

She is showing a complete lack of respect.

The simple solution? You've got to become less AVAILABLE.
That’s it. That’s really all there is too it.

It may just be a lack of personal discipline on your part. But if your okay with her coming to your job, to sit around and get shit faced, that's your fault.

It was probably cool at 1st, having her around you that much, but now has started to wear on your relationship.

The fact that she says this bullshit to you, has everything to do with being too AVAILABLE.

Too much proximity. Unless you put your foot down (or up her ass), she likely will continue to completely take you for granted. And yes, her contempt for you might actually grow over time.

You have two choices Bro, so suck it up and make one of them.

A. Dump her drunken crazy ass, tell her to pick her fanny up and fuck off and not to trip over a nipple on her way out....

Or stop being a pushover and make some changes.

You’ll need to make the decision NOT to see her every night. No more coming to your bar. Find something to do BOTH OF YOU.

Be “radically honest” Tell her that it’s no longer okay to hang with her if she is going to act like a child when she drinks.

If you don't make a choice, and soon. one of two thing will happen.

1. It will all go to shit, and you will part ways.
2. You will remain together for the next 20 years in misery before the divorce.

Just like a bad dog, she pissed on your carpet, and you sir must rub her nose in it.
Author:  Nescio [ Tue Mar 11, 2014 7:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
Fuck it, you're making A lot of sense. Can't believe I let her come that close in the first place. It's the 4th time she acted like this but this weekend some of the comments went way to far. Maybe it is a respect issue indeed, and being a little bitch about it will make things way worse. It's to bad some women can go for the soul without a conscience that fast and expect you to forgive their bad habits the next day. I am wondering how other people would have responded and if they might have been in a similar situation before.

I also understand I shouldn't have defended my ex but damn she was attacking her and my past like crazy and saying things like i am dissapointed in your choice of women. Aren't we men allowed to get emotional from time to time..... (not on dates or with hookups but within A serious relationship it would be nice to let your guard down and speak your mind sometimes)

Anyway I just cant help but to wonder, is all she said bullshit like she said when she was sober, or if there is any truth in her drunk words.... How would you try to find out whats what...

I knew there was a reason I stayed single for a long time and just enjoyed it. :P
Author:  JimmyG_123 [ Tue Mar 11, 2014 8:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
Totally normal to have emotions, negative or positive in a relationship. She had to drop your value because you dropped her's hard by sticking up for your Ex (never do that btw).

You need to have a conversation about how she treats you when she's drunk, you dont deserve that crap, and if she continues she can find someone else to be her punching bag.
Also why would let her come hang out at your bar and get drunk, especially if she's doing this shit?! I would tell her not to come visit you till she can behave because that shit can get you fired.

I have personal experience, my ex of 4 years was the worst kind of drunk, she would say really mean shit to me and occasionally try to fight me, but I got to much confidence to let that shit get to me, but occasionally it did. With that being said, I would keep an eye on it, if it becomes a pervasive issue you need to run away.
Author:  Heywood Jablowme [ Tue Mar 11, 2014 8:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
It's a shit test, a GIANT FUCKING SHIT TEST, but a shit test none the less.

See Women NEED to test your worth, and if they FEEL they must do so, in front of your family, friends, at church, at your work, they absolutely will not hesitate. The booze is an easy excuse.

It's not what she was saying that made any difference at all to her, it was your REACTION.

She was able to pull you right in.
Quote:
I also understand I shouldn't have defended my ex but damn she was attacking her and my past like crazy and saying things like i am dissapointed in your choice of women.
Here is the proper reaction;

"I chose you didn't I? And you are the one I'm going to fuck when we get home! So stop acting like a spoiled child! Sit there and behave yourself til I can get your drunk ass home, you are cut off!" Do this with out anger or tone.
Author:  Nescio [ Tue Mar 11, 2014 10:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
Aw men I walked right into it didn't I. Ok I messed up. Anyway I just talked to her and stood my ground. Told her that if she want to stay with me she has to act as an adult even when she is drunk. She is no longer coming to my bar (she came with that idea before I could say it, nevertheless she seemed slightly insulted when I told it myself) and she is going to cut down on her drinking behavior(she better be).

I managed to give it a positive spin, she feels terribly guilty and realizes that with such behavior she isn't getting anywhere with me. Now she promises to make it up to me and to show me that she loves me etcetera. She said she is going to try extra hard. Well time will tell off course, you cant just change overnight but we will see.

Just one more thing, she isn't just acting like that to me when she is drunk. If drunk, she reacts the same way to her best friends and her parents. I heard she even hit a taxi driver one time (wtf). Most of the time its definitely the alcohol (she is a whole different person). I don't know, she is a fantastic girl when sober (she spent a few hundred bucks on a lobster diner for me, waiting for me after work at 6 in the morning, she travels an hour for me without any complaints and a lot more great stuff) and everyone finds her amazing. An evil drunk is fucked up. Dilemma, dilemma. we'll see.
Author:  Thomasfox [ Wed Mar 12, 2014 8:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
Sounds like the way she acts sober is an overcompensation. The alcohol brings out a dark side of her that is VERY real, and NOT a reaction to alcohol, per se.

The girl needs to get help. Has many demons from her past.
Author:  JakeP [ Thu Mar 13, 2014 1:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
Personally, I'd never date someone that insecure. However, if you wanna stay with her, just remind yourself the only reason you're dating her is to fuck her. Don't take crap from her, but stay cool and tell her like it is when she acts up. Show her you're not scared of telling it like it is and walking away from her at any time. She can't shake you unless you let her. She is a spoiled brat. Treat her like one.
Author:  dukehoopz30 [ Thu Mar 13, 2014 6:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
OP: There is some good advice here and you should definitely take it all into consideration. However, here is my 2 cents.

Relationships are not perfect and we all make mistakes. How you handle it is what is going to make the difference here. Dont REACT to her... RESPOND. Really think before you do anything. I know emotions are high sometimes and after a long night of working the last thing you want to do is put a lot of effort into thinking and dealing with a relationship. But thats what makes you a better person, makes you grow, and teaches you about how to relate to females on a completely different level. These are all GOOD things.

Showing your emotions to her is not necessarily a bad thing either. You dont have to be alpha 100% of the time... in fact is better to not be. So dont sweat that... be true to you. Be Real. A girl can sense fakeness always... and if your holding your emotions back she will feel it and not respect you even more.

To conclude... I would just talk with her, open yourself up, and then ask her to do that same. Being vulnerable is something that girls really respect, it shows a side of you that you are HUMAN and that you really do SINCERELY care about her, yourself and the situation. I know as guys we think we have to always be in control and super alpha and dominate and everything else. This isnt true.

*But in the same time you shouldnt let her walk all over you either if this is unacceptable behavior to you.

Hope this helps!
Gl
Duke
Author:  igkid2 [ Fri Mar 14, 2014 7:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
First of all, you should never lose it at work, especially with your gf. Obv, when people drink they say things they don't mean however, these people usually have no self-control. Personally, I would suggest you guide her into what you feel is acceptable and unacceptable. What I mean is you shouldn't tell her not to drink but rather if she's going to drink and act immature to not be around you. I once convinced a gf to stop drinking by showing her how sloppy other girls at the bar were when they were drunk. Mind you, I never once told her I didn't want her to drink. There's a lot of ways to approach this, do what you feel is best. Make sure you set your foot down... Afyer all you aren't dating her so she can embarrass you.

Gl!
Author:  Dr. Jones [ Fri Mar 14, 2014 8:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
You shouldn't have worded it the way you did. Supermodel or no. "We were young and in love. Can you respect that, please?"

Your clumsy wording doesn't take back what she did. How many successful couples do you know? How many of them rip into each other in a crowd full of people?
Author:  norwegianburns [ Sun Mar 16, 2014 1:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
Quote:
Fellow Pua's.

Ok I need some insight on a pretty serious matter. I work as A bartender and this weekend I was working at my usual place. My girlfriend showed up and everything was cool and fun. Later an ex of me showed up as well. My girl saw her and started to laugh, say she was ugly, dissapointed in my former choice of women etc etc. She was being pretty negative about her. I understand she was doing this because.. well probably her own insecurity and she tried to make her feel better about the situation by talking others down. She kinda hit A nerve and I reacted by saying ''Well she is a model and the entire bar staff was jealous at the time so I think nobody is gonna agree with you on that.'' (she really is A model). And now shit got bad. She tried to talk me down completely. She said things like '' my exes are bodybuilders and look at your body'' (i'm in shape but not a model with a six pack or anything, not really feel the need to be like that either). And things got awkward real fast. I continued working and I took my girl home later that night. She went way out of line when she continued the fight and said ''you cant even make me come'' (this is not true she comes almost every time) in A public place where people started to stare at me. I know she said it just to f*ck me over and to make me feel bad. And well.... she succeeded. I was tired after a 10 hour bar shift and i got a bit emotional. I was hurt, dissapointed and mad that the girl I care about tried to deliberately destroy my confidence and was targeting my pride, manly hood and everything. I shed a little tear and almost broke up with her. she apologized and started to tell me that she doesn't know why she's always such a bitch when she is drunk( she always starts fights with me when she is drunk). She really tries to hurt me and it kinda got to me good that night.
Anyway the question is: What would you do? Dump her? she is trying to make me feel insecure for some reason, she is also always talking negative about other good looking girls to make her feel better I guess. Is this going to be way too destructive? And would you be able to get over such comments? I kinda feel emotional right now (i'm always alpha so its weird for me that a girl is really getting so close and i'm getting so emotional maybe i'm falling in love with a bitch who knows). I know most couples get into fights but this one really knows how to target my soul and she does it as soon as she had A few drinks.

Long opening post is know, there is a lot more to it off course but here is some additional info:
She is definitely a 10. Everybody is jealous at me for having that girl and she gets approached maybe 20 to 30 times a night.
We are in our early twenties.
We are dating for about 5 months now.
When sober she continuously tells me that she loves me and she initiate most of the sex.

I don't know if I am being a wimp for getting emotional or that I am a wimp for forgiving her(i'm trying to but i am actually feeling insecure after some of her bullshit, i got over being insecure when i was freaking 15). I wont accept being a pushover but i also don't want be to unforgiving.

Hoping on some insight from a few neutral perspectives. Thanks :wink:
English isn't my first language by the way forgive the grammar.
Hello. I think you're right, she's insecure. I had a similar situation. The best thing to do is to ignore her. By ignoring her, it communicates that this doesn't interest you and it will cost her your attention. That's one of the best responses to this problem. Congrats on having a super girlfriend who cares about herself and you. No one is perfect but you seem to have it good. Just need to calibrate yourself. Keep it up.
Author:  bootydaddy [ Sun Mar 23, 2014 3:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Girlfriend deliberately tries to destroy my confidence.
Not to go off topic but you only have a window of a few seconds to correct a dog after her malfeasance.
Otherwise the dog thinks you've simply walked up out of the clear blue and rubbed her nose in piss because your a psycho....
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